Finally Get it Right
by Cinty
Summary: Pacey, Joey and Dawson are all out at UMass Amherst together. Joey and Dawson are dating but perhaps there's someone else she should be looking at?
1. Chapter 1

Pacey slowly entered the small classroom. He was already doubting his decision to join the TAP program at Umass. He had felt complimented to be accepted into the "talented advanced programs" program. A program which was only open to 15 kids in his major. They would all live together and tame small advanced classes in their dorm lobby. Suddenly he was doubting his decision, feeling like a fraud. He'd spent the last two years busting his butt to make up for the first two years of high school. Once a screw up, always a screw up? He relaxed as he recognized a familiar face. She was sitting at a desk, her long dark hair covering most of her face. Her gaze intensely fixed on a doodle in her notebook. He slid into the seat next to her.

"Hey Sexy."

She snapped her head up and looked at Pacey, a mixture of confusion and anger.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked crossly. "Please don't even tell me you're in the TAP program with me."

"I guess today's your lucky day, Joey" Pacey laughed leaning back in his seat.

"Are you stalking me? I thought you were going to UNH?"

"Well that was before UMass offered me a partial scholarship. And then the TAP program."

"I thought your dream was to be a gynecologist Pacey," Joey said sarcastically, turning back to her doodle.

Pacey laughed. "Yeah well I dropped my dream of having women everywhere spread their legs for me just to stalk you."

"You're sick," Joey snapped, struggling to keep the smile off her face.

"Something like that." Pacey laughed. "So how have you been? I haven't seen you since..."

"I'm fine," she said shortly, cutting him off.

"Honestly Jo, you don't look fine," he said gazing at her intensely.

"Thanks Pace, next time I need a confidence boost, I'll be sure to give you a call."

"I didn't mean it that way, I just meant, you look really thin."

"Thanks," Joey said, smiling wide for the first time.

"That wasn't a compliment, Jo, you are too thin. Again."

She pulled at her shirt nervously. "I've lost like 5 pounds since the beginning of summer. I'm fine."

"It's not going to fix things," he said gently.

She met his eyes, hers full of anger. "I don't know what you think I was trying to fix."

Pacey sighed, his eyes surveying her too slender body. "It's just, I like my women with meat on their bones." He reached out and lightly grabbed her arm. She pulled it away quickly.

"Well it's a good thing I'm not one of your women, isn't it? Of course if I was then you'd probably be either trying to get in my pants or avoiding me."

"Is that really what you think of me?"

"You're an insensitive jerk when it comes to women."

"Well it's better than being a frigid bit…" Pacey stopped.

"Go ahead – it's nothing you haven't called me before," she snapped, her eyes furious.

"Yeah, but that was before…"

"Before what? Before you realized it was true? Before he proved that I was so frigid he had to look elsewhere?" she turned her face away from him, trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

"Good Morning class, I'm Ms. Harrison." A young woman stated as she walked to the front of the room. "Welcome to Introduction to Communications. I'd like to start out the class with a little assignment. Everyone find a partner."

Joey quickly turned to the boy sitting next to her, only to find that he'd partnered with the girl on his other side. She sighed as Pacey turned to face his desk towards hers.

"Does everyone have a partner?"

Joey slumped down in her seat. Ms. Harrison partnered two girls together who didn't have partners.

"Now turn and face your partner."

The sound of desks being scraped across the floor filled the room. "Now for three minutes you are just going to look at your partner. Look at what they're wearing and what they brought to class. When you are done looking, you will tell your partner what you can tell about them, just by looking."

Joey glared at Pacey as he awkwardly attempted the assignment, looking at her beat up purple backpack she'd had since freshman year of high school, her notebook full of doodles, and then her jeans and a tshirt, both hanging loosely on her small frame. She continued glaring at him. Pacey smiled slightly at her, trying to get her attention. Joey sighed and turned away completely and watched as the rest of the class stared at each other.

When she made eye contact with Ms. Harrison she turned back to Pacey, keeping her eyes averted.

"Okay time's up. Now I'd like each partner to tell the other what opinions they've formed."

Joey looked up at Pacey. "This is stupid. I have nothing to say."

"I'll start then. I can tell that you haven't been eating. That you spent your entire summer indoors and that you haven't been sleeping."

"What is this, an attack?" Joey asked loudly, and then lowered her voice. "At least I didn't spend my entire summer racking up the numbers of how many people I could sleep with."

"You know nothing about how I spent my summer," Pacey said tightly.

"I know you were too busy to bother to pick up the phone and see how I was."

"How's the assignment going?" Ms. Harrison asked, looking at Joey's doodles across her notebook.

Joey looked up apologetically. "We already know each other, so the assignments a little hard."

"Actually the assignment works if you know each other too. Sometimes you need to take a step back and see things about the person that you don't notice." Ms. Harrison smiled widely at them and then moved on to the next group.

Joey kept her eyes on her notebook.

"Joey…"

"I think you said enough Pacey."

Joey threw her body across the bed, landing on the piles of clothes she still needed to unpack. She closed her eyes momentarily, her bed lightly vibrating to the beat of some rap song her neighbor was playing. The knock on the door was so light, she wasn't sure if it was a knock at all. She stood up and walked to the door, and glanced through the peephole. Sighing she opened the door.

"What's up Pace?"

"Listen Jo, I just wanted to apologize."

"Me too. I shouldn't have freaked out on you like that. I was just surprised to see you here. I haven't seen you since that day - a day I've been trying pretty hard to forget. Did you want to come in?" she asked stepping back from the door. Pacey followed her into her room, taking a seat in the chair next to her bed. Joey pushed some of her clothing aside and sat on the bed.

"I didn't know you wanted me to call," he said softly, staring out at the parking lot through her window.

"I didn't."

Pacey turned his head and looked at Joey. "Then why did you say that today then? God Joey, I'm not a mind reader."

Joey looked at him and sighed. "I don't know why I said it."

"I haven't picked up the phone to call you since you asked me not to call you."

"That's why you didn't call?" Joey asked, incredulous. "Pacey, that was years ago."

"You make the rules Jo, I just follow them. You asked me not to call, I stopped calling. Don't make me feel like shit because I did what you asked."

"I actually thought you weren't calling because of what I said that day," Joey said sheepishly.

"Oh you mean the day that you told me Dawson cheating on you was all my fault? Yeah that might have been part of the reason too. Believe it or not, Dawson is a big boy, and he makes his own decisions. What I do in my relationships doesn't have any effect on what he does in his."

"Sometimes it's easier to blame it on someone else. It's a lot easier than admitting it was your own fault," she said softly, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"It wasn't your fault," he said rolling his chair closer to the bed.

"How wasn't it my fault?" she asked, fidgeting with her hands. "I barely let him kiss me the whole time we were going out. Of course he's going to go looking elsewhere."

"Jo, if I'd know the way things were, I wouldn't have teased you so much about… you know, being frigid. I really thought you two were sleeping together."

"Nope. You were right. I am frigid, I am an ice queen, and any other name you tossed my way. And I ruined things with Dawson because of it."

"Jo," he said gently, "Dawson called me. He wanted to know if I'd seen you. I told him you were in my program with me and he asked me to give you his number. I'm pretty sure you didn't ruin anything with him. If you can get past what we walked in on"

"Do you think he wants to get back together with me?" she asked, her smile wide.

"Yeah, he does. But Jo, just… what we walked in on that day… that wasn't their first time. Don't forgive him too easily."

"What makes you so sure?"

"She told me," he said meeting her eyes. "Maybe you deserve better than that."

"Like who?" she asked softly.

Pacey sighed, as he stood up. "Maybe better isn't being with anyone." He shook his head as he watched her mentally preparing herself to forgive Dawson. "Never mind."

"Thanks Pace, for coming by. And I'm sorry about what I said that day. I know it's not your fault, and I know that it hurt you too. Seeing Nicole with him."

Pacey put his hand on the doorknob, looking uncomfortable.

"I'd like for us to be friends again. When I asked you to stop calling, I never meant I didn't want you in my life, I just…"

"I know what you wanted Jo," Pacey interrupted. "Sometimes things don't work out the way you want though. I'll see you later."

He opened the door and shut it quickly behind him. Joey shook her head, confused, and then set about getting ready to see Dawson.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks Hope and Angelpete87 for reading. I'm a big shipper of P/J as well - very similar to a situation I experienced myself ;)

Please keep the feedback coming!

"D, what are you doing here?" Pacey asked opening his door slightly. Dawson pushed his way in and sat down on a bed.

"You probably don't want to sit there…. my roommate doesn't look like he showers that often!"

Dawson laughed as he picked up the remote. "Sounds perfect for you Pace."

"I thought you were on your way to see Joey,"

"Yeah – I am. I'm just procrastinating."

"Scared she's not going to forgive you?"

Pacey sighed, he could tell by the cocky grin on Dawson's face that he knew she would forgive him. For a brief moment he forgot to keep the disgust out of his face.

Dawson tossed the remote on the bed. "If you've got something to say, then say it. Come on, you've seen more than one girl at a time. And I'd told her I wanted to take a break. I guess she didn't really understand what that meant - but I was not committed to her when I slept with Nicole."

"You claim Joey is your soul mate. The person you are going to marry. That is very different from me casually dating two girls at the same time."

Dawson stood up. "I am going to marry her. But I'm in college. There's hot girls everywhere. I'm only human. I want to be screwing every girl that walks by. But I don't want to lose her. So I guess I need to give her what she needs to keep her happy."

"D, you should want to be faithful, not feel obligated."

"You know what, Pacey, when you actually find someone who sticks around for longer than a week, then you can give me some advice on being faithful."

"You mean like Nicole?" Pacey asked bitterly.

Dawson sighed, and for once actually looked guilty. "For what it's worth - that was a dick move on my part. I knew you cared about her and I ignored it because I wanted to get laid. But for the record, she initiated it. It's no excuse, and I should have treated our friendship better than that. So for that, Pacey, I am sorry. And I hope we can move past it. What do you think?"

Pacey looked at him and shrugged. "We'll see."

Dawson nodded, smiled apologetically and left the room.

He nervously knocked on her door, feeling his heart beating. The confidence he had felt minutes before was fading by the second. He didn't deserve her. He knew that much. He also knew that he loved her. They were destined to be together, everyone knew that. Or at least their parents kept telling them that.

She opened the door, a slight smile on her face. Before he was even conscious of his actions, she was in his arms and they were both crying.

"God I missed you so much," he said softly, wiping a tear from her face. "You look incredible. You've lost weight! You look so good."

She loved being wrapped in his arms, loved the feeling of security that came along with it.

"Joey, I'm so sorry about what happened this summer. I never meant for you... I never..."

"It was my fault. You told me you wanted time. I just, didn't think you were actually taking it."

"It was an accident. A mistake. I was just so damn curious. And Pacey kept talking about how incredible in bed she was. I allowed myself to be tempted. And I've been living in hell ever since."

"So have I," she said softly, knowing that she'd already forgiven him. "Was it just that once?"

"Of course it was. I've felt like shit ever since. It made me realize I only want to be with you. Just you. What do you say?"

She nodded her head as the tears came again. "I love you."

Pacey awoke to a timid knock on his door. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and glanced at the clock. It was 7:30pm already! He walked over to the door and opened it. A petite blonde girl he recognized from class was standing there with a hesitant smile on her face.

"Hey, a group of us are ordering pizza, I thought I'd stop by and see if you were interested."

"Sounds great," Pacey said smiling widely at the girl.

"I'm Amber."

"Pacey."

He reached out his hand and lightly shook her hand. She blushed slightly as their hands connected.

"I live on the other end of the hall."

He followed Amber to her room, turning the corner just in time to see Dawson and Joey leaving her room, hand in hand. Amber's room was directly across from Joey's room, and she had left the door open, allowing him the luxury of keeping an eye out for her.

"Footprint" Amber shrieked.

Pacey nodded, putting his pencil and pad of paper down.

Todd looked up, "That's game – you guys win again. I think you two are cheating!"

Amber laughed, slightly brushing up against Pacey.

"Nah, we just make a good team!"

Pacey smiled at her, not noticing the way she blushed at his smile or leaned against his body.

Joey sighed as she rounded the corner towards her bedroom. Of course the girls bathroom had to be on the other side of the dorms. She looked up just in time to collide with Pacey.

"Um hi," she mumbled, and she pulled her sweatshirt around her tank top. "What are you doing?"

He pointed at a large drinking awareness poster, posted right by the bathroom.

"Yeah, what?" she asked.

There was grafiti written all over the picture. He pointed to a picture of an old lady and at the comment written underneath 'the alcohol is the only thing keeping my decaying flesh from rotting?'. Joey looked at Pacey and then back at the picture. She tried to hide her laughter from him as it bubbled to the surface.

"Did you write this?" she laughed staring at the picture of the poor old woman, who did indeed look like the alcohol was keeping her flesh from rotting.

Pacey laughed. "Haha, no I wish."

"Hey!" Pacey and Joey turned towards the head poking out of a doorway. "Can you guys keep it down?"

"Yeah sorry," Joey said, struggling to keep from laughing.

The door slammed and she looked at Pacey. "You wanna come to my room for a bit?"

Pacey coughed loudly and stomped his feet as they walked through the hall. "Doesn't he know you're supposed to be loud in college?"

"Will you just get in my room!" Joey exclaimed unlocking her door and pushing him into the room.

He glanced around the room, noticing the absence of something. "Hey, where's your roommate's stuff?"

Joey sighed. "Apparently I'm pretty scary, she went home crying and isn't coming back."

"Are they gonna give you a new roommate?"

"Nope," she grinned widely. "Single for Joey!"

Pacey tossed himself on the empty bed. "Bed for Pacey."

"Not on your life Witter!" She tossed her pillow at him.

"But Jo, you haven't seen my roommate! He's about 22 and he reeks, I mean he really really just smells foul."

Joey laughed at how serious Pacey's face had become.

"How'd you end up with him anyway? I thought only people in the communications program were supposed to be on our floor?"

Pacey shrugged. "Just lucky I guess! Pretty sure he's lived here since before they turned it into a TAP dorm."

"Have you tried handing him some soap?"

Pacey laughed and threw her pillow back at her. They both sat in silence for a moment. Pacey studied the photos she'd taped to the wall. Front in center was Joeys favorite photo. Her mom and Dawson's, smiling wide grins while holding Joey and Dawson as babies. Joey's little hand is wrapped around Dawson's finger. Pacey hated this picture. Surrounding it Pacey was surprised to find a couple of him and Joey hidden among the Joey/Dawson shrine. The two of them posed and smiling together on the back seat of the track bus, and another of the two of them at Dawson's pool.

"I made your wall?" He asked surprised.

She tucked her hair behind her ears. "Of course you did Pace, you're one of my oldest friends. Despite any drama we may have had…"

He grinned at her. "Drama is the word we are going with huh?"

She tucked her hair behind her ear, "yup. Drama is the word"

He turned back to studying her pictures, a slight pain creeping into his chest at the picture of Joey and Dawson and him at their senior prom. Only Nicole's arm was visible, the rest of the picture had been cut.

"Go ahead, ask me," she said softly

"I already know the answer."

"You think I'm weak for going back to him?"

Pacey stood up and walked over to her bed, sitting down next to her.

"I just want to make sure you're doing what makes you happy."

She slowly met his eyes. "I am."

"Good, good," he replied, feeling his stomach twisting in knots.

 _I want to be screwing every girl that walks by._

He stood up. "Night Jo."

She looked up and smiled at him, "Night Pacey. I'm glad… I'm glad that we're friends again."

He nodded and quickly walked out the door, before he could tell her just how big of a mistake she was making.


	3. Chapter 3

Joey stuck a breath mint in her mouth as she pounded down the three flights of stairs to the classroom. She'd underestimated the time it would take to get ready. Apparently everyone else had the same idea of showering right before class. She tucked a slightly damp lock of hair behind her ear as she entered the classroom.

She quickly surveyed the room looking for Pacey. The TAP program meant that they had all their classes together, but as she scanned the room she didn't see him anywhere.

And then she heard his laugh, followed by a girl's. Her eyes focused on him, surrounded by a group of people. She noticed a blonde girl sitting very close to him, listening carefully to every word he said. The seat next to him already had a bag on it. She looked around the room for an empty seat, there were none. He looked up and caught her watching him.

"Hey Potter, I saved you a seat!" He moved his bag onto the floor. She sighed relieved and slid into it.

"Thanks Pace."

"You take the long way to class?" he asked, reaching out and tugging on her wet hair. She smacked his hand away.

"I had no idea it would take so long to get a shower," Joey sighed.

Amber leaned across Pacey's desk. "I know what you mean, I waited in the bathroom for twenty minutes this morning before I got one."

Joey smiled politely. Amber smiled back, equally as politely. "I'm Amber. I live across the hall from you."

"Joey."

She watched Amber brush her arm against Pacey as she moved back into a sitting position. Joey shook her head.

She slid her lunch tray on the table and sat down next to Pacey, noting the fact that Amber had already claimed the other seat next to him.

"So what'd you guys think of Mr. Green?" Pacey asked, his mouth full of pasta.

"Class Pace, look it up," she muttered.

"Bitch, Jo, look it up."

"How long have you guys been together?" Josh asked, laughing at the two of them as they glared at each other.

Joey laughed and Pacey choked on his food.

"Oh, oh we're not together," Joey stammered as Pacey loudly said, "Do I look stupid?"

Joey punched Pacey in the arm. The relieved look on Amber's face went unnoticed.

"Hey Jo, what are you doing tonight?" Pacey asked, smiling, as she opened her door.

She took a step back from the door and let Pacey into the room. "Why?"

"I thought if you weren't busy – you and I could go catch a movie. Check out the mall. I'm bored."

Joey bit back the urge to tell him to go ask Amber. "I'm actually going out with Dawson tonight. I'm sure you could come along."

"Jo. There are all different types of forgiveness. I'm working on being friends with Dawson again, but things will never go back to the way they were."

She nodded her head, "I know. And sometimes I wish that…"

The phone rang and they both turned and looked at that. "That's probably Dawson," she said uncomfortably. She picked up the phone and Pacey watched as the smile that first appeared when she said hello slowly disappeared from her face. "Yup, okay. No that's all right. No Dawson, don't worry about it. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you too."

She hung up the phone and looked at Pacey. "So how 'bout that movie?"

Pacey reached his hand out and put it on her shoulder. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"He had to study. That's all," she muttered, sliding away from his touch.

Pacey nodded his head. "So you up for some Jackie Chan tonight? Ahhhh-yaaaa!" He took his leg and lightly kicked her in the stomach, and then faked a punch to her face.

"Oh you're in trouble now Witter!" she exclaimed as he started running from her room. She quickly locked her door and took off after him.

Pacey glanced at the clock, amazed at how 11 in the morning seemed like an early time to get up. He glanced outside his window and saw Joey stretching on the side of the road. He quickly tossed on his sneakers and ran down the stairs.

She had already started jogging by the time he reached the road, but he was able to catch up to her.

"Mind if I jog with you?" he asked, running up beside her.

She glanced over at him and shrugged. "Free country."

They jogged in silence. He could tell she was exhausting herself, but knew better than to stop her.

"We haven't jogged together in a while. I didn't see you at the track all summer" he said filling the silence.

"The last time you and I went for a run together, we came home to find my boyfriend fucking your girlfriend. That was enough running with you," she said lightly.

"Point taken. So what are you doing tonight?" he asked as they turned onto the road back to the dorm.

"Nada, you?"

"I think a group of us were going to hang out in Amber's room and play some games."

The conversation halted as they both began to run faster towards the dorms. They came to a stop and Joey dramatically collapsed to the ground with a groan. Pacey looked down at her.

"Walk it off Potter." He offered her his hand and pulled her to her feet. She paced back and forth, the burning feeling in her legs slowly subsiding.

"Are you gonna be playing drinking games?"

Pacey laughed. "There's a slight chance of that. So what?"

"You know I don't drink Pace," Joey said, dropping down to the ground to stretch her legs.

He sighed as he joined her on the ground, spreading his legs to stretch. "You don't have to drink you know. You could just come and hang out."

"I'll think about it Pace," she said softly.

Which meant no.

She pulled her knees to her chest as she flicked the remote. Nothing was on. Dawson was out with the frat boys for at least another hour. Pacey was over Amber's, and she was alone. And to make things even worse, she could hear everyone in Amber's room, laughing and having a great time.

The phone rang and she picked it up anxiously. "Jo?" Dawson said.

"Hey Dawson."

"Jo, please tell me you're not sitting by the phone waiting for me to call on a Saturday night."

Joey blushed as she realized she'd barely let the phone ring once. "No, I was just on my way out."

"Good, cuz I think we're gonna be out all night. But maybe we can do breakfast tomorrow, if I'm not too hung over."

"I thought you don't drink Dawson," she said tightly, her fingers weaving around the phone cord.

"That was high school Joey."

 _That was high school._

She stood nervously at the door, and knocked lightly. The music was so loud she was sure they couldn't hear it. She knocked again, and no response.

She sighed and turned to head back towards her room when the door opened.

"Hey, you!" Pacey exclaimed, his smile wide. "I was just about to drag your lazy ass over here."

She smiled, relieved, as he placed a warm hand on her back and directed her into the room.

"God Jo, for a girl who doesn't drink, you certainly turned in a stellar performance." Pacey said depositing Joey in her bed. Joey giggled and hiccupped.

"Shows what you know! I am a champion drinker!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide and shining. "I kept up with you didn't I?"

Pacey laughed and moved her trashcan next to her bed. "Just in case."

Joey nodded her head, suddenly noticing how heavy her body felt, and how much the room was spinning. She didn't even notice when he left the room and closed the door. She pulled her knees to her stomach and that's when she realized why Pacey had moved the trashcan closer to her bed.

She moaned as she heard the knock at the door.

"Jo - Jo? It's Pacey, can I come in?"

She glanced up from the trashcan.

"Yeah," she answered as loudly as she could.

Pacey opened the door and glanced in the room. "Awww... Jo..."

"Why do you have your pillow with you?" she asked, her eyes finally focusing on him.

He grinned sheepishly. "Apparently my roommate is busy at the moment.

I've been sexiled for the night. Do you mind if I crash here?"

She pushed back a strand of hair from her face and stared at him cross eyed.

"I doubt you'll get much sleep with me puking over here. But sure."

She pulled the trashcan close to her as she vomited again. Pacey tossed his pillow on her spare bed and then hopped up on her bed.

She closed her eyes as he began rubbing circular patterns on her back. She couldn't remember the last time someone had taken care of her when she was sick.

"God Pace, that feels so good," she muttered, leaning her body against him, as she finally felt herself relax. "Don't stop."

Pacey slowly slid her body off of him and onto the bed. She was finally asleep. He moved the trashcan onto the floor and pulled a blanket over her.

"Champion drinker, my ass," he muttered as he crawled into the spare bed and promptly fell asleep.

She slowly opened one eye and then the other. Trying to remember the details from the night before.

 _Grab the girl a beer!_

 _Joey's asshole again_

 _Chug Chug Chug Chug_

She tried to lift her head, but she couldn't quite find the energy. Her entire body hurt.

 _Let's get you to bed Potter._

 _Wait Pace - just one more beer!_

She felt the bile at the back of her throat and she somehow found the energy to sit up and grab the trashcan off the floor of her room. She felt herself break into a sweat as her heart pounded.

And that's when she heard him laughing. "Good Morning Sunshine!" She looked over at Pacey, sitting with a big grin, watching cartoons with no volume.

 _God that feels so good Pace_

 _Don't stop_

"What are you still doing here?" she snapped, clinging the trash closely to her. God, had she thrown up in front of him?

He looked at her, confused, as she moaned.

"God Pacey, everyone's gonna think we're sleeping together. Which is the last thing I want people thinking!" she said tightly. She was too busy with the trashcan to notice the hurt look in his eyes.

"Sorry, I hope I didn't tarnish your reputation," he said sarcastically. "See ya later Jo."

He grabbed his pillow and walked out of the room, closing the door loudly behind him.

"Bleehhhhh."


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to everyone for the feedback - please continue with it - it keeps me going :)

Joey spent the rest of the morning in bed, unable to move. She didn't even notice she was hungry until around 3 pm. That's when it occurred to her that Dawson never called for breakfast. She rolled over to go back to bed when she heard a knock at the door. She hopped out of bed, tucking her hair behind her ears. The moment she was on her feet, she discovered just how dizzy she still was. She steadied herself momentarily and then went and opened the door.

"Oh hi," she said, trying to keep the disappointment from her voice. It was Sean, the guy who had been handing her beers the entire night before.

"Hey Joey, I just wanted to check up on you. No one had seen you all day." He said smiling.

Joey shrugged. "I'm okay. My stomach might disagree with you. But I'm okay."

"You gonna join us for dinner? We're heading down to the DC in like 20 minutes."

Joey shook her head. The Dinning Commons was the last place she wanted to be. Just thinking about the food made her stomach turn. "I don't think my hangover's ready for that quite yet. But thanks for asking."

Sean smiled and nodded. "See you tomorrow in class. Hope you feel better."

Joey smiled and closed the door. She collected her shower things and headed off to the bathroom, maybe a shower would help.

She flicked the remote, staring blindly at the television. It was eight already and still no Pacey. He must really be pissed. She sighed and turned off the TV. An apology was in order. She quickly raked a brush through her hair and headed down to Paceys room.

She knocked nervously.

"Hey Jo," Pacey said quietly, opening his door slightly. "My roommates asleep."

He walked into the hall and closed the door softly behind him. "Well you look a million times better then when I saw you last."

She smiled slightly. "You mean when my head was in a bucket?"

He laughed.

"Listen Pace, I'm really sorry about this morning. I don't want you to think I don't appreciate everything you did last night. I just... I was embarrassed."

He smiled wide and laughed. "We've all been there Jo. Don't worry about it. But since I was so helpful last night, you want to do me a favor?"

"Does it involve drinking?" she asked cautiously.

"It involves that English assignment."

"Oh shit!" she exclaimed, the pounding in her head suddenly returning. "I completely forgot about it."

"Tell ya what. You help me with mine and I'll help you with yours. Deal?" She nodded her head. "You want to work in your room?"

"As opposed to your room with the sleeping smelly sexaholic? Yeah, my room sounds good."

He disappeared into his room and returned with his books, a bottle of ginger ale and a box of Saltines. "I decided if you actually graced me with an apology, I'd give you some goodies."

Joey gratefully took the ginger ale and Saltines. "Thanks Pace. For everything."

 _Which is why my favorite place is the fort that he and I built._

"This is really sweet Pace," Joey smiled looking up from his paper. "You should show it to Dawson."

Pacey shook his head. "The friend I wrote that about doesn't really exist anymore. He doesn't deserve to see it. Where is he anyways?"

Joey shrugged. "Now that you mention it, I haven't heard from him all day."

She took a sip of her ginger ale and handed his paper back to him. "Did mine sound okay?"

Pacey laughed. "Yeah the teachers going to think you're a freak, but everything sounds fine."

"Oh like a fort is so much cooler than the woods."

"My darling Josephine, you are a loser!" Pacey exclaimed, glancing down at her paper. She took her pillow and whipped it across the room at him. He ducked just as the pillow went flying by his head. He took the pillow and slowly walked over to her bed, watching as she pressed her body against the wall.

"No Pacey, no!" she shrieked as he climbed onto her bed and began hitting her with the pillow. She grabbed the pillow from him and rolled her body onto it.

"I hate you!" she said as she shoved him off the bed.

He laughed as he allowed her to push him. "Night Jo, thanks for your help."

"Thanks Pace, and thanks for your help."

 _God that feels so good Pace_

 _Don't stop_

Joey slid into her seat next to Pacey, Amber was already sitting on the other side as always.

"Hey, remember when I was the one who was always late to class?" he asked, grinning widely at her.

"Hey remember when I beat the crap out of you?" she asked.

Pacey looked at her, mock confused. "When did this happen?"

"In about five minutes if you don't get out of my face!" Joey exclaimed, struggling to keep the smile off her face as their teacher walked in the room.

"Good morning everyone! Today's exercise should be a fun one. I'm going to need everyone find a partner." Ms. Harrison announced.

Pacey slightly turned his desk so that it was facing Joey's. Joey smiled widely at him, enjoying the look on Amber's face as she looked around the room for a partner.

Ms. Harrison walked around the room, handing out long strips of material. Pacey picked his up and wiggled an eyebrow at Joey. "This will come in convenient when I want to blindfold you later."

Joey sighed, lifting her piece of material up and slapping him with it. "Oh you're right, these are convenient."

"Now I need one person from each group to remove a shoe with laces and place it on the desk."

Joey and Pacey glanced down at their feet. Joey was wearing sandals. Pacey sighed and began untying his shoes -wondering when the last time he'd changed his socks was.

"God Pace," Joey mumbled as he put his shoe on the table. "You're shoes are huge!"

"Well you know what they say about guys with big feet?" Pacey laughed hitting her elbow lightly with his.

"They stink more?"

"Does everyone have a shoe? Good. Now take the material and tie it around your head so that you can't see anything."

Pacey glanced over at Joey and stuck his tongue out.

"And I get you blindfolded after all," he laughed quietly.

"Now the point of this exercise is to experiment with how we communicate with each other. What I want each of you to do is to blindfold yourself. Then each using only one hand, you and your partner have to tie the shoelaces together in a bow."

The classroom buzzed as everyone began laughing and tying their blindfolds. Joey sighed as she tightly tied the blindfold around her head. She felt a little nervous as Pacey rested his arm against hers.

"Okay now Jo, you find one side and I'll find the other."

Joey nodded her head and then laughed. "I just nodded my head."

Pacey laughed as he pulled on a lace. "Hey that's mine!" Joey exclaimed as she felt the lace slipping out of her hand.

"Well whose side of the sneaker is it on?" Joey slowly slid her hand down the lace as Pacey did the same. Their two hands met on Pacey's side of the sneaker.

Joey immediately let go and found the other lace. "Okay, now you just hold your lace still and I'll tie the loop around it." Joey took her lace and attempted to wrap it around Pacey's. "Where the hell is it?" she mumbled.

Pacey laughed, holding the lace out as far away from her as he could.

"Pacey, quit fooling around," Joey growled, as she reached out for his arm and felt down his forearm.

"Where you going with that hand tiger?" Pacey asked.

Joey felt herself blush as she found the lace and attempted to wrap her lace around his.

"Fine, Mr. I'm so funny. Let's see you tie the bow!" Joey exclaimed completing the knot and then dropping her lace.

"Uh-uh. That's the hard part," he said shaking his head.

Joey sighed and tucked her lace under, so that it was forming the first half of the bow. "Okay Pace, all you have to do is wrap yours around mine."

Pacey reached out and felt for Joey's arm, his hand lightly touching her breast. She inhaled sharply, not sure if he noticed or not. He apparently didn't, or if he did, he had the good sense not to comment on it.

"Jo, will you quit moving it?" Pacey asked, suddenly feeling frustrated.

"Yeah because I'm the one who thought it was real funny to hide the lace from the other person!"

Pacey sighed and it was then that he realized how quiet the room was.

"Hey Jo?" he asked softly. "Is it just me or is the room really quiet?"

They ripped off their blindfolds as the rest of the class, with neatly tied sneakers on their desks, laughed and hollered.

Joey blushed as she looked down at her desk. Pacey stood up and bowed.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks everyone who took the time to provide feedback. I really appreciate it. Keep it coming please!

"So how lame is that English assignment?" Sean asked, sliding his tray onto the table.

Pacey looked up from his lunch. "No kidding. Plus, what happens if you haven't had a first kiss?"

"Yeah Witter, I bet that's a real problem for you," Joey muttered, looking over at him.

"Who was your first kiss Pacey?" Amber asked, leaning in closer to him.

Pacey shrugged. "I don't remember. Looks like I'll be doing some creative writing."

"You don't remember your first kiss?" Joey asked crossly. "How can you not remember?"

Pacey glanced over at Joey, his eyes not meeting hers. "Well we all didn't have our first kiss with the love of our lives," his voice was full of sarcasm.

Sean's head shot up. "Dawson was your first kiss?"

Joey nodded slowly. "Yeah I'm a freak okay?"

Sean smiled softly at Joey. "I think it's cute."

Pacey cleared his throat. "So what's everyone doing tonight anyways?"

"Well the frat Dawson's pledging is having a party. He told me to bring anyone who wanted to come," Joey said hesitantly.

"Party, Party!" Todd said loudly, pumping his fist. "I'm in."

"Me too," Sean smiled at Joey.

"I suppose I have to be there to make sure you don't drink too much beer," Pacey said quickly.

Joey shot Pacey a look of death as she stood up. She "accidentally" knocked her elbow against Pacey's back as she stood up.

"Oh sorry."

Pacey turned around and looked at her, his eyes challenging.

She looked away from him, and at the rest of the group. "I'll see you guys tonight. Meet at my room around 10?"

Joey took a large gulp from the red plastic cup she had in her hand. Nothing like warm Natty Ice. Pacey walked over to her and removed the cup from her hand and took a long gulp.

"Hey!" she exclaimed trying to grab her cup back. Pacey turned to her, and smiled. He held the cup high above her head as he took a long drag from the cigarette he was holding and then slowly blew smoke in her face.

She coughed as she fanned her hand in front of her face. "Thanks Pace, I needed that." She took the cigarette from his hand and inhaled slowly. She turned her face towards his, and moved her face so close to his that they were almost touching, then lightly blew the smoke out of her mouth.

Pacey struggled to not cough as she stood there waiting. Suddenly aware of how close they were, he backed away. "So where's that boyfriend of yours anyways?" he asked, a small cough escaping from his lips.

Joey shrugged her shoulders and looked around the room. "Not sure, but he's finally letting me stay the night here! I feel like he's so busy pledging that I never get to see him. Maybe tonight I can start to prove to him that I'm not so frigid after all."

Pacey smiled. "That's great Jo." He handed her the cup and walked away.

Joey smiled as Dawson finally came over to where she was sitting and sat down next to her. "You look great Joey." His eyes trailed up and down her body, enjoying how slender she looked in the tight black pants and little red tank top.

"Thanks," she said, self consciously pulling at the shirt.

"Listen Jo, I gotta talk to you," he said tightly.

"Sure, what's up?" she asked, turning to face him.

"I'm so sorry - but you can't spend the night here. I was talking to some of the other guys and they think it's a bad idea. You understand right?" He reached out his hand and put it on her shoulder.

She nodded. "Well why don't you just come back to my room?"

Dawson laughed. "Joey, Orchard Hill is on the other side of campus, it's like a 25 minute walk.

Joey looked away from him, and out at the dance floor where all her new friends were dancing, and apparently having the time of their lives. She blinked away the tears as she tried to smile at him.

"Another night, I promise," he said softly. He lightly kissed her, a soft slow kiss. The only kind of kiss she'd received since they got back together.

The walk back to Orchard Hill felt forever, as she slowly trudged up the hill, the heels she'd put on in the hope of enticing Dawson were slicing open the back of her heel.

"Hey Potter, you're slowing down!" Pacey said turning around and waiting for her to catch up.

"Sorry," she replied crossly. "These freaking shoes... teaches me to be a chick."

Pacey laughed and looped his arm through hers. She placed a little weight against his arm as they slowly walked up the hill. Pacey led her in a zigzag as they walked. At first she thought he was so intoxicated he couldn't walk straight, Then she glanced over at him and saw the fact that he was about to laugh.

"Oh real funny Pace!" she exclaimed as she pushed him away. Pacey stuck his tongue out, and despite all her efforts not to, she had to laugh.

Joey knocked on Pacey's door, tapping her foot impatiently. Her nose involuntarily wrinkled when the door flew open and Pacey's roommate was standing there, wearing nothing but boxers and smelling as though he hadn't showered in the month.

"Is Pacey here?" she asked.

The roommate laughed, "Nah he's in the lounge. I kicked him out for the night." Joey stared, unbelieving, as the door was slammed in her face. She checked the lounge on her floor, but Pacey was nowhere to be seen. She made her way down to Sweets N More, the small restaurant in the basement of their dorm. And there he was. Eating a grill cheese and reading a book.

"Hey you," she said softly. "I went by your room."

"I'm sorry," Pacey said.

Joey laughed. "He's quite a character."

"Easy for you to say, you don't have to live with the guy." Pacey glanced at his pillow on the seat next to him. "Or not live with him as the case may be."

Joey took a deep breath. "Well it's a damn good thing you happen to have a wonderful friend, who not only wants to read your English paper, but also has an extra bed."

Pacey's eyes lit up. "You wouldn't mind?"

She smiled as she grabbed his pillow. "I suppose I can put up with your snoring for one night. I even put sheets on the bed for you in case you needed it again."

"You're not going to flip out on me in the morning like you did last time, are you?"

Joey felt herself blush as she looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry ab..."

"Jo, I'm teasing you. I'm all set with my paper, I don't need any help. So you want to see if anyone has a movie we can borrow?

"Well that's no fair, I wanted to read what you came up with. I can't believe you don't remember your first kiss. Wasn't it with Jessica?"

Pacey laughed. "Are you still on that topic?" He paused for a moment. "It was Christy, okay? We were like 5 and we kissed in her tree house."

"I thought it was supposed to be your first meaningful kiss!"

Pacey stood up and tossed his empty plate in the trash. "Hey, that kiss was damn meaningful. We were married, you know. Dawson was our love child."

"Have I mentioned that you drive me crazy?" Joey asked bumping her shoulder against his side.

Pacey looked at his watch. "Not in the last 5 minutes."

Joey took the pillow she was still holding in her hands and hit him with it as hard as she could.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you so much everyone for the feedback. It really makes my day. I posted a new fic I rated "M" even though I'm not sure how M it is. If you get a chance go check it out. ( s/11798526/1/The-Bet)

(PS Elisabeth you may be on to something!)

Joey glanced over at the phone suspiciously as it rang two quick rings and then paused, signifying an on campus call.

"Hello?" she asked cautiously.

"Hey Jo," Dawson yelled.

"Where are you?"

"I'm on the callbox downstairs. Come let me in."

Joey hung the phone up, tossed her flip-flops on and then ran out the room, her hair streaming behind her.

"Hey," she grinned as he removed a half dozen roses from behind his back. She took the roses and inhaled the smell deeply.

"What are these for?" she asked as she took the roses, tucking them under one arm. She smiled at Todd, who was working the security desk, and reached out for a pen.

"You're all set Joey, you don't need to sign him in."

"Thanks," Joey smiled gratefully, walking over to the elevator and pressing the up button. "These are really beautiful Dawson."

"Just like you," he whispered softly as the elevator doors opened.

Pacey precariously balanced the plate of nachos on his knee as he reached up to knock on the door. He banged twice, and then attempted to turn the doorknob. Just as he was about to open the door, it flew open and he was face to face with Dawson.

"Dawson, oh hey," Pacey said awkwardly, shifting a chocolate shake from his left hand to against his body.

"Pacey!" Joey exclaimed, her entire face lightening up. "You brought food!"

Joey slid off the bed and took the shake and the nachos from his hand, leaving him holding just one shake.

"Is this for me?" she asked, her eyes meeting his as she took a long sip from the straw.

He swallowed slowly, wondering if maybe, just maybe, she was aware of how her lips were lightly caressing the straw.

"Well I was going to drink both of them, but I guess I can share. Sorry D, I didn't know you were gonna be here." Pacey tossed a pointed look in Joey's direction.

Joey cringed slightly.

"I'm sorry Pace, we can hang out tomorrow," she said, her eyes clearly stating that she didn't want him to stay.

He nodded and turned to leave the room.

"No wait, Pacey, why don't you stay. I've barely seen you this whole semester!" Dawson pleaded. Pacey looked between Joey's eyes and Dawson's eyes, and then settled down on his bed. His bed.

Pacey's eyes darted back and forth, between the television and the couple cuddling on the bed. He watched as Dawson's hands lightly skimmed Joey's arms, drawing intricate patterns as he held her close. Pacey sighed. This was high school all over again.

"Okay kids, I'm heading off to bed," Pacey said, making a show of loudly yawning.

"Wait Pace, I've got to take off too. I'll walk with you."

Pacey watched, a look of amusement on his face, as Dawson softly kissed Joey on the lips and promised to call her. It was becoming increasingly clear, that Dawson didn't want to be alone with her.

"So what was that all about?" Pacey asked as Dawson closed the door behind him.

"What was what about?" Dawson asked, starting to walk towards the elevator.

"Dawson, is there a reason why you don't want to be alone with your girlfriend?"

Dawson shrugged. "What's the point of being alone with her?"

Pacey turned to Dawson, incredulous, "you're kidding me right?"

Dawson started walking faster, ignoring Pacey.

"You're cheating on her," Pacey stated, matching his pace to Dawson's.

Dawson turned and faced Pacey. "Listen Pacey, it's none of your business."

Pacey sighed. "I just think you need to be fair to her. If you don't want to be with her, let her go."

"Why, so you can step in?" Dawson asked, curling his mouth into a sneer.

"Fuck you Dawson."

Dawson laughed, as Pacey struggled to keep the look on his face light. It was no secret to either of them who Joey would choose if he and Dawson actually had a fight.

"So I'll see you at the party tomorrow night, right?" Dawson asked.

"Sure," Pacey said dully. "Can't wait."

"Josephine Potter and Pacey Witter, can you two please remain after class?"

Joey glanced over at Pacey, wearing a worried expression on her face, as he shrugged. Together they walked silently to the front of the room where Mr. Green was sitting. He indicated to them to sit in the two seats closest to his desk. They sat, wordless, until the other students had all left the room.

"You're probably wondering why the two of you didn't receive your English papers back, with your usual stellar A's. I'm sure the two of you are both aware of the strict plagiarism rules here at UMass. Joey you're here on a full scholarship and Pacey you're here on a partial... not only are your scholarships in jeopardy, but in fact the remainder of your schooling here."

Joey could hear her heart pounding as she stared at the man who held her future in his hands. "There must be some sort of mistake..." she began, her voice faltering.

Mr. Green handed Joey and Pacey each a paper. Joey's eyes quickly registered the fact that she was holding Pacey's assignment. Which meant that Pacey was probably holding hers. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and then opened them, the words on the paper blurring in front of her.

"Could you please read the passage I highlighted Joey?"

She placed a shaking finger on the paper where he had highlighted.

'So there we were, alone in the closet together. This tight little closet that forced us closer than we'd ever been. At least since we were kids. I could actually feel her heart beating. She met my eyes, the timid girl I'd know suddenly disappearing. 'So aren't you supposed to kiss me or something?' I didn't know if she meant it or not. But the thought of kissing her had been on my mind for the last two years, and I wasn't going to miss out on an opportunity. I was so in love with her that it hurt. I kissed her softly at first, hesitantly. And to my surprise, she deepened the kiss. I didn't want to ever let her go. '

She put the paper back on the desk, and turned to face Pacey.

"Pacey, can you read where I highlighted," Mr. Green asked.

Pacey took a deep breath, "I could feel my heart palpitating as he led me into that small closet. He was so close, I could feel his quick breaths against my cheek as we stood there awkwardly. This was the moment I had briefly allowed myself to fantasize about during math class last year while I watched him pretending to pay attention. And now here we were, inches away from each other. He looked at me questioningly and I met his gaze with a defiant stare. 'So aren't you supposed to kiss me or something?' I wasn't even sure I wanted him to kiss me; it had to potential to change everything. He slowly leaned down and hesitantly kissed me. I felt myself eagerly returning the kiss. I didn't ever want the moment to end. ".

"Now, you both wrote the same moment in your paper, down to the exact same line. Did you guys see this scene in a movie? A play? Did you copy the text from somewhere?"

Pacey shook his head, feeling the color rise to his cheeks.

"There's a very plausible explanation for all of this Mr. Green," Joey said, a slight smile on her face.

"Well then Ms. Potter, enlighten us." Mr. Green said skeptically.

"Well the reason our essays contained the same story is because… well… we wrote it about eachother."

Pacey looked down at his hands and mumbled, "we went to highschool together."

Mr. Green looked from Joey to Pacey, incredulous. "You wrote this essay about each other? I didn't realize you two were a couple."

"We're not," Pacey muttered. "It was a long time ago."

Mr. Green shook his head. "Well I'm a bit speechless. But I suppose I have to take you at your word. I'm assuming your transcripts will back up the fact that you went to highschool together?"

Joey and Pacey nodded.

"Well, I guess I owe you both an apology. Well um… have a good weekend."

Joey and Pacey stood up and silently walked out of the room.

"Pace, why didn't you ever tell me?" Joey asked quietly.

"Tell you what Jo? It was a long time ago. I'll see you tonight."

 _I was so in love with her that it hurt_

Pacey turned and started walking toward the elevator.

"Wait Pace…"

"Jo I got stuff to do." He stepped into the elevator. The doors closed and he leaned against the elevator wall and closed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks so much everyone for all the feedback! It makes it fun when I actually have people reading what I write :) Please keep it coming!

Joey yanked the brush through her hair and then angrily tossed it on the floor. How had she never known he felt that way about her? And how dare Mr. Green think that the two of them had copied and share her version with Pacey? And how come her hair had to look like crap tonight of all nights? She was going to change things with Dawson tonight.

She reached into her drawer and pulled out a flimsy see through bra and the matching underwear. No more icequeen. She'd prove to Pacey… Dawson… that she could be different.

"You ready to go?" Pacey asked glancing over at Amber from where he was perched uncomfortably on his bed.

"Two more seconds," Amber said, applying a dusting of glitter to her face. "You want some?" She started walking slowly towards Pacey, holding her brush in her hand as if it were a knife.

Pacey laughed as he backed away from her. "Keep that shit away from me!"

Amber lightly touched the brush to his cheek , laughing as he pulled it out of her hands and tossed it onto the bed.

"Okay glitter girl. We're leaving now."

Joey smiled at the knock on the door, anxiously opening it widely.

"Hey Pace," she said softly, noticing something different in his eyes. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on; she couldn't tell if he was angry or hurt, but he was definitely guarded.

"Hi Joey!" Amber said loudly, noticing the brief eye exchange.

Joey turned, noticing Amber for the first time. "Oh hey, I didn't know you were coming."

"Pacey invited me, I hope that's okay," Amber said, leaning against Pacey and smiling innocently at Joey.

Joey nodded, Her eyes suddenly noticing the matching glitter on Amber and Pacey's face. "Sure, whatever. Let's just get going."

Pacey glanced over at Joey, sitting quietly on a couch, a large beer in her hand. He put his hand on Amber's shoulder, and leaned over towards her ear.

"I'll be right back."

Amber turned to her friend in disappointment, as they both watched Pacey walk over to Joey.

"What's the deal with them? I thought he was here with you tonight," her roommate Kate muttered.

Amber shrugged. "You want to go outside and get some air?"

Kate shook her head. "You realize it's raining out?

Amber shook her head, feeling the tears in her eyes. "I'll be right back."

"What's going on with you? Why are you just sitting here sulking?" He asked gently.

She put her cup down and stared up at him.

"Why don't you come dance?" Pacey asked, taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"I'm not really in the mood Pace," she scowled. "And I thought you were mad at me - you've been distant all day!"

"Nothing a couple drinks hasn't fixed. Where's Dawson?"

Joey titled her head towards the corner. Pacey glanced over at Dawson, surrounded by a group of men chanting 'Chug Chug'.

"You know, you're not going to get his attention sitting here all by yourself. Come dance!"

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "No, Pace… I really don't want to."

"Or you could just sit here and be the ice queen we all expect," Pacey said, his tone challenging.

He grinned as Joey's face slowly lit up. "Ice queen, huh?"

She stood up, swallowing the rest of her cups contents. "Bring it on. I'll show you ice queen."

Pacey took her hand and led her towards the corner, stopping to grab a couple jello shots off of a table. He handed a shot to Joey, swallowing his quickly. Joey took the remaining 2 shots from his hand and quickly swallowed them.

Joey glanced around looking for another shot, as Pacey studied her carefully. "Are you going to drink or are you actually going to dance with me?"

Joey laughed as she hesitantly pressed her pelvis against Pacey, looping her arms around his neck.

"You sure you can handle it?" she asked, slowly moving her body against him.

He cleared his throat. "Oh I can handle it, the question is, can you?" He took his hands and started slowly running them up and down her back.

Joey giggled as she slowly raised her eyes to meet his. "That tickles."

"Mmm-hmmmmmmm," Pacey mumbled, bringing his lips to her ear. "I'm sure it does."

Amber paced around the room, looking for any sign of Pacey or Kate. She looked in front of her just in time to hit someone in mid stride. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, her beer spilling on her jeans.

"Don't worry about it."

She looked up and smiled. "Oh hey Dawson."

"Amy, right?" Dawson asked, smiling as he brushed the droplets of beer off of his shirt.

"Amber. I'm so sorry."

"It happens all the time. Seriously. So you here with Pacey?"

"I seem to have lost him to your girlfriend," Amber said softly, indicating to where Joey and Pacey were dancing in the corner.

Dawson laughed. "I don't think you have anything to worry about in that department. Joey's known Pacey since we were kids. She's too smart to actually go for him."

"What do you mean by that?" she asked, scowling into her empty cup.

"Let's just say that Pacey's been around. You might want to steer clear too. You're far too beautiful to let yourself be used by him."

Amber blushed self consciously, as Dawson wrapped his arm around her. "Why don't we go get you another drink.?"

The room was spinning as Joey straddled Pacey's legs, gently pressing her pelvis against his upper thigh. She felt his hands moving from her hair to the back of her neck, gently stroking it.

"Pace," she said softly, his hands slowly cupping her face. She raised her face to his as he lowered his lips. Her tongue darted out, licking her lips as she tilted them towards his. He felt himself hardening, as she grew closer. He looked into her eyes and saw his lust reflected back at him. And then he caught his breath as he realized she was about to let him kiss her.

He released her abruptly. "Fine Jo, you win."

She shook her head, dazed. "What?"

"You're not a fucking ice queen. Why don't you go find your boyfriend and prove it to him now."

Joey watched, her mouth open as Pacey took off. She felt herself fall as she quickly turned. She grabbed hold of the couch and sat down.

"Amber!" Pacey exclaimed, recognizing the sparkly pink tank top immediately. Amber turned around and smiled.

"There you are. I've been waiting in the beer line forever!"

Pacey glanced down at the two partially drunk plastic cups she was holding. "You mean you keep waiting in the beer line?"

Amber giggled, finished one of the cups and tossing it to the floor.

"Amber I think I'm going to take off, okay?"

Her mouth turned into a pout. "Nooooooooooo Pacey, you can't go yet."

"Dawson!" Joey screeched, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

"Shit Joey, how much have you had to drink?" Dawson asked, pushing her arms off of him.

"Dawson, lets go up to your room," Joey slurred, her eyes slowly focusing on Dawsons.

Dawson shook his head. "Joey, the only place you're going is back to your room. Where's Pacey?"

Joey shrugged. "But I thought you … I thought you… I said… could spend the night?"

Dawson shook his head. "Another time Joey. Okay? Let's go find Pacey."

"Yo, Pacey!" Dawson shouted.

Pacey glanced up. "What's up D?"

"Hey – can you make sure Joey gets home okay?"

Pacey glanced over at Joey. "She's not staying here?"

"I'm staying," Joey said firmly, shifting her glare back and forth between Dawson and Pacey.

"Do you mind?" Dawson asked, ignoring Joey as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Nah. I was about to head back anyways. You coming too Amber?" Pacey asked, turning his attention back towards her.

"Nah, I'll walk back with Kate."

"You ready to go?" Pacey asked harshly, watching her hand tightly gripping Dawson's arm.

"Owww!" Joey exclaimed as Dawson took her hand and peeled it off of his arm. "God, was that really necessary? If you want me out of here that badly, I'll go," she huffed as she turned around and stomped off.

Pacey shrugged his shoulders. Pacey lightly reached out and touched Amber's arm. "Bye Amber. See ya later Dawson."

Amber smiled sadly as she watched Pacey running after Joey. Something new for a change.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to anyone who took the time to reply. The only reason I'm posting is to hear what people think - so please please keep reviewing!

Pacey anxiously looked around for Joey as he exited the smoky basement. It was pouring out and he had to squint his eyes to see anything.

"Jo?" he asked, gazing around blurry eyed. Her retreating form suddenly caught his attention, and he jogging up to her. "What do you think you're doing?"

She turned angrily to face him. "Going back to my dorm room. Go back and play with Amber, I don't need you to take care of me."

Pacey moaned. "You know as well as I do, that it's not safe for you to be wandering around campus drunk."

"Hey baby," a passing guy mumbled as Pacey and Joey passed him. Pacey watched as the guy's eyes traveled up and down her body.

"Hey," Joey said grinning at the guy. "Where are you going?"

"It doesn't matter, we're going home." He grabbed her arm, and continued walking.

"Pacey, that boy liked me," Joey whined, attempting to pull away from Pacey.

"I think you're boyfriend likes you too. Remember him," Pacey asked, unable to keep the anger out of his voice as he recalled her body pressed tightly against him.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked, unable to read his sour mood.

"We've both had a lot to drink, lets talk about it tomorrow."

"Well that's obviously a yes," she muttered, finally yanking her arm away from him. She broke out into a light jog as they reached the large hill.

Pacey sighed. "I'm not chasing after you Jo," he called after her. He quickened his pace slightly to make sure that he could still see her. He found her breathless at the top of the hill.

"Maybe alcohol and running doesn't mix so well," Pacey said, grinning at Joey's obvious discomfort.

"Have I mentioned today that you annoy the shit out of me?"

Pacey laughed as they rounded the corner to loud voices screaming.

"What the hell?" Joey asked as they walked closer to what everyone referred to as the Bowl. The Bowl was simply a place where the ground had sunken in, but during rain storms, it became a muddy swimming pool. "Is that guy naked?"

Pacey laughed as a naked guy went running by them, screaming. "Everyone get naked!"

"You want to take him up on his offer?" Pacey asked, raising one eyebrow and wiggling it at Joey.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you," Joey deadpanned. "Just keep your clothes on. I don't want to see that!"

"You need to cool off, young lady!" Pacey exclaimed, scooping her up and holding her body close to his.

"Put me down!" Joey wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him as he staggered over to the mud pit.

He waded in the mud pit, until it was up to his ankles. "Put me down!"

"Your wish is my command, my lady!" Pacey said, loosening his grasp on her.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Ooops," he said, as he slowly let go of her, her body landing in the muddy water below him. She struggled to her feet and tackled his legs, bringing him down along with her. Scooping the mud away from her face, she straddled him, pinning his arms above his head.

"Ooops," she said softly, lightly biting her lip. "Did I get you all muddy?"

In one swift motion, he grabbed Joey, tossed her on the ground, and straddled her. He took his muddy hand and trailed it along her face, leaving a trail of dirty hand prints behind him.

"You really are a bastard." She exclaimed taking a handful of mud and smooshing it into his hair. He brought his muddy head down to her face, wiping it along her forehead. Their eyes met, and for a moment they stopped laughing, and didn't move. And then she slowly raised her head, her lips touching his. And she kissed him.

He hesitated for a moment, before he allowed himself to let go. Pressing their bodies against each other, his hands roamed her body. He heard her inhale sharply as his hand skimmed the side of her breast.

"Oh God, Pacey," she moaned, bringing her lips against his muddy neck, and then lightly biting on his ear. Where had she learned to do that? He covered her lips with his, his tongue gently probing her mouth.

"Whoooooooo-hooooooooooo!"

Joey and Pacey quickly pulled apart, to see what all the noise was about. Glancing around, they realized they were what the noise was about. Joey's mouth dropped open slightly, as she looked to the crowd of people watching them to Pacey.

Her eyes widened as she jumped to her feet and began running as fast as she could to the dorms.

"Typical," he muttered, struggling to his feet and following slowly behind her.

"Hey Todd," Pacey said, nodding slightly.

"Hey, what's up with Joey? What the hell is going on out there?" Todd asked, surveying Pacey's muddy clothes.

"Just a bowl war. I'll catch ya later Todd."

Pacey's eyes followed the muddy footprints up the stairs, and then he walked over to the elevator and pressed the up button.

"Joey, Joey, let me in." He pounded on the door, frustrated.

"It's open," she called weakly.

He opened the door and looked around the room, not at all surprised to find her balled up on the corner of her closet.

"Jo," he said softly, walking over to her.

She raised her head, her body shivering. "Pacey, just go away."

Pacey shook his head, squatting down. "I'm not leaving until I know you're okay. First thing we need to do is get you into the shower."

Joey shook her head adamantly. "Nooooooooo, I don't want to shower."

"If you had an idea how much mud was on you right now, you wouldn't be saying that. Now come on, let's go."

He tossed her towel and robe over his shoulder and extended his hand, and she reluctantly grabbed it and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

"Let me just get my stuff." Joey walked over to her bureau and began frantically grabbing shower supplies, dropping every other item on the floor.

"Jo, I don't think you need your razor!" He gently closed his hand around hers. "Come on."

He opened her door, and lightly pushed her into the hall. She dropped her shampoo on the floor as she slowly walked into the wall. Pacey sighed, as he picked it up and lazily tossed an arm around her shoulder.

As he led her into the bathroom, she stopped and looked up. "This is the boys bathroom Pacey!"

"Shhh, Jo, you've got to be quiet. We're going to go in the shower together. With our clothes on. Then we're going to go put on dry clothes and get into bed. Okay?"

She nodded her head, as she tried to focus on him. Everything was slowly spinning. She felt herself being led into the shower, the warm water cascading over her face and into her eyes. Pacey removed his shirt and pants, leaving himself in nothing but his boxers and stepped into the shower behind her. She turned to face him, unable to keep her eyes from his chest. Had he always been so built?

"Jo," Pacey said, removing the bottle of conditioner from her hand and placing it on the shower floor. "The whole point of being in here is to get rid of the mud."

He took the bottle of shampoo and squeezed a little of it into his hand. "Come here," he said gently. She found herself drawn to him as he slowly sudded up her hair, his hands moving in slow motions against her scalp.

"God Pace," she muttered, her body leaning against him.

He laughed lightly, as he continued massaging her head. "You like that huh?"

She loved the feeling of leaning against him. She felt so light, as if she weighed nothing at all. As if she didn't even need to stand anymore.

"Jo!" Pacey exclaimed as she slowly slipped down his body. "You can save the blow job for later."

She laughed as he pulled her to her feet. "Yeah right Witter. In your dreams," she slurred as she pressed her chest against his. God he felt good.

Pacey let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he reached up to turn off the shower. "Alright drunk girl, let's get you to bed."

She raised an eyebrow at him and smiled slowly. "Yeah baby!"

He lightly grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of the shower. He wrapped his towel around his boxers, hoping to hide his arousal from her. He draped her robe over her shoulders and led her back to her bedroom.

"Okay Jo, why don't you put on your pajamas and then we'll get you into bed. Okay?" he asked, watching her shaking body.

"They're in the top drawer," she muttered as she flopped down on her floor. Pacey timidly opened her top drawer and began digging through her underwear, looking for something suitable for her to wear. He dug out a pair of snowflake boxers and a long Elmo t-shirt.

"Come on, get up." He reached his hands out to her and pulled her up. "Here."

She shook her head and reached her hands up.

'You want me to do it?" he asked in amazement. "Come on, you can do this yourself?"

She stumbled back and forth as she shook her head, steadying herself against the wall. He took a deep breath, muttering to himself, as he tentatively touched her wet shirt. He met her eyes as he slowly began to remove the soaking shirt, careful not to touch her soft skin as he did so.

He tossed the shirt onto the floor, his eyes never once leaving hers. He took the Elmo shirt and placed it over her head. Once the shirt was in place, he reached behind her and unhooked her bra, sliding it out through the armholes of her shirt.

He reached a shaking hand to the button of her jeans, his fingers brushing her stomach as he undid the button and then the zipper. Her jeans easily slid off of her hips, too easily. She stepped out of them as they fell to the floor, the long shirt covering her body to her upper thighs.

He reached his hands under the t-shirt and found the thin straps of her string bikini underwear and quickly pulled them down. He glanced down at them as she stepped out of them and a crooked smile crossed his face.

"Cute underwear Jo."

Obviously she was wearing it for the benefit of someone. Someone other than him.

He reached behind him to pick up the boxers, and when he turned back to face her, she was already on her way to the bed. She hopped up on the bed and patted the space beside her.

"Can we talk Pace?"

He walked over to her, leaving a trail of water as he crossed the room.

"Tomorrow Potter. We'll talk all you want tomorrow."

"Did you mean what you wrote? In that essay?"

Pacey groaned. "Jo, can we please not talk about this now." He took her blanket and covered her with it. "We'll talk tomorrow."

He headed towards the door, turning the light off on the way. He turned the knob and opened the door.

"Pace, just yes or no." she called after him.

"Yes Jo. But it was a long time ago," he said quietly, closing the door quickly behind him as he exited her room.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to all who took the time to review!

Pacey's felt his pulse quickening as he knocked on Dawson's door. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to say, he just knew he had to say something. He kept feeling her lips on his. Dawson's girlfriend's lips on his.

"Just a sec," Dawson's voice called. The door opened a crack, revealing a shirtless Dawson.

"Pace. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Dawson… I…." Pacey paused as he heard a noise coming from the bedroom. A cough. A woman's cough. He closed his eyes as he remembered the last time he had found a girl in Dawson's bed. He felt himself shaking as he could hear Dawsons's moans, Nicoles soft cries, Joey's pained realization and his angry yelling. Watching as his girlfriend cried out Dawson's name. Not a moment he wanted to be reminded of.

Dawson smiled slightly as he stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him. "Joey doesn't have to know about this." His lips turning into a cocky grin as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"I can't believe you. Is that why you sent her home last night?" Pacey asked, his hands clenching.

Dawson rolled his eyes. "Our relationship is none of your business. It's not your place to tell her. It won't change anything anyway, we both know who she will believe"

Pacey shook his head. "I guess you'll have to find out if I think it's my place or not."

"Pacey," Dawson called after him, watching as Pacey angrily walked away. "Pacey!" He sighed. There was no way Pacey would tell her. He shrugged his shoulders as he entered the room.

"Was that Pacey?"

"Amy, don't worry. He won't say anything."

Joey groggily reached over to answer the phone as it rang for it's fourth time.

"Hello?" she asked hoarsely.

"Joey?"

She smiled despite her throbbing headache. "Hey D."

"How are you feeling?" he asked cautiously, wondering if Pacey told her.

"Eh, I'll survive."

"And Pacey? How'd he holding up?"

"Pacey?" Joey asked nervously. Had he talked to Pacey? "How the hell would I know?"

"Listen, I'm sorry about last night. I want to take you out tonight. On a real date."

Joey smile grew larger as she felt her anger evaporating. "Where are we going?"

"Let's go somewhere in North Hampton. Why don't you wear that skirt I love on you."

Joey cleared her throat. "I don't think that fits me right now."

"Yeah, you look like you're packing on a couple extra pounds. You should be careful. You don't want to gain the freshman fifteen and all that."

Joey glanced down at her stomach, her fingers lightly tracing the curves of her stomach. "Yeah, I know. "

"Don't worry, I still think you look beautiful. I'll see you tonight, around eight?"

Joey nodded her head as she placed the phone down on the receiver. Only then did it occur to her that they hadn't said 'I love you'.

She felt tears coming to her eyes as her feet pounded into the ground. She knew she'd gained a little bit of weight, but she certainly hadn't realized that anyone else could tell. It was all those damn nachos and shakes Pacey kept bringing her at night. Pacey... she picked up her pace as his face flashed in front of her. She didn't want to think about him. About the night before. His lips... His chest...

She reached the dorms breathless and immediately started up the stairs to her room. She saw him sitting in front of her door the second she rounded the corner. She slowed her run to a walk and hesitantly walked down the hall.

He looked pissed.

"I've been sitting here for 2 hours. Please tell me you haven't been jogging this whole time!" he exclaimed as he pushed himself up off the floor.

She shrugged her shoulders, scared to meet his eyes. He held a sandwich wrapped in napkins out to her.

"I brought you back something to eat since you weren't around to go to lunch." She accepted the sandwich wordlessly as she unlocked her door. He followed her into her room without waiting for an invitation and watched as she placed the sandwich in her small fridge. "Which apparently you aren't going to eat," he muttered as he sank onto the extra bed.

She walked over to her closet and started loudly collecting her shower items.

"Are you going to talk to me?" Pacey asked, standing up and crossing his arms across his stomach.

"What do you want me to say?" she poked her head around the closet, still keeping her eyes from meeting his. "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, I'm tired and I need to get in the shower."

"So if you're so tired, why the hell were you running?"

She picked up her towel, picking at imaginary pieces of lint on it. "I've gained some weight. I need to stop slacking off."

Pacey looked over at her, incredulous. "What weight? Jo, you're a stick."

"I've gained ten pounds since I started school. Ten"

"And who had the honor of pointing this out to you?" She glanced down at the floor as he walked over to her pausing for a moment before he spoke. "I refuse to relive junior year."

She quickly looked up, her heart rate quickening as he stopped only inches away from her. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I refuse to do this; to be the one who is left to pick up the pieces; to tell you you're not fat after he makes you feel like crap. I'm sick of being your backup boyfriend. "

"My what?" she asked, her eyes widening.

"You know, the guy you spend every night with. Every night except the nights Dawson decides to actually remember that you two are together. So basically I get everything, but boyfriend privileges."

"It always comes back to sex with you, doesn't it?"

Pacey laughed as he attempted to meet her eyes. "Who said anything about sex Jo? I'm not the one who broke up with you because you wouldn't put out." He regretted the words the instant they left his mouth.

"If that's all you have to say, then I think you should leave. I have to get ready for my date; with my boyfriend. And despite what you might think, he loves me even though I'm not putting out. He doesn't need sex to stay with someone. Unlike some people."

"Believe what you want to believe," he said angrily, brushing past her as he walked to the door.

"Pacey, wait," she said softly as he turned the doorknob.

He turned to face her. She opened her mouth, but said nothing.

"You know what the worst part was?" he asked hoarsely. "I was actually stupid enough to think that maybe you felt something for me. Especially after last night. But you don't, do you? What was that? Some kind of game? I'm done playing whatever it is"

He slowly opened the door, waiting for her to say something. She didn't.

She waited until he'd closed the door behind him to let the tears fall.

"Hey Pacey, you okay?" Amber asked walking over to the long couch in the lounge and sitting down next to him. He slowly turned to face her, attempting to place a smile on his face. Amber carefully looked at him, if she didn't know better she would have thought he'd been crying.

"You want to get out of here?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Where you want to go?"

He raised his eyes to meet hers. "Anywhere but here."

Joey pushed her salad around the plate, before she carefully dipped a piece of lettuce lightly into the salad dressing.

"So... Dawson, talk to me," she pleaded, watching as he placed large bites of steak in his mouth. She felt herself salivating as she forced another piece of lettuce down her mouth.

"What do you want to talk about Joey?"

For soul mates - they certainly didn't have a lot to say to each other.

"How's pledging going?"

"You know I can't talk about that," he said tightly.

"Okay so then classes."

"Classes? There are classes in college?" Dawson asked, grinning at her. She smiled back at him and then turned her attention back to her salad. And as much as she tried not to think about him, her thoughts strayed to Pacey.

"Oh God, I can't watch movies like this," Amber moaned shrinking back into the seat.

He reached out and took her hand. "I'll keep you safe."

Amber glanced over at him, and then down to the hand that was covering hers, and sighed.

Dawson walked Joey to her dorm room, not once touching her the entire way. When they reached her room, Dawson stopped to the side of her door.

"Aren't you coming in?" Joey asked, as she placed her key in the lock.

Dawson shook his head, "Nah, I'm sorta tired. Still recovering from last night," he laughed, lightly hitting her side with his elbow. Joey forced a smile on her face as she looked up at him as one thought went through her mind. Why was she still with him?

Amber smiled at Pacey as he followed her to her room.

"This is nice, we should do it again sometime," Pacey said grinning widely at her. She froze for a moment as her eyes focused on Joey and Dawson, Dawson's lips lightly pressed against Joey's.

"Amber?" Pacey asked, as she awkwardly smiled in the direction of Dawson and

Joey.

"Hi guys," Dawson said, easily letting go of Joey and turning to face them. "What were you up to tonight?"

"I have to go," Amber muttered, turning her back to the couple and fumbling with the door lock. Pacey shrugged as the door was quickly closed, leaving him out in the hall with Dawson and Joey.

Pacey stood awkwardly outside the door. "So is this when I'm supposed to leave, or knock and find out what's wrong?" He hesitantly allowed his eyes to meet with Joey's.

"This is when you knock Pacey. You should never just walk away," she said tightly.

He nodded his head. "See you guys later." He knocked on the door, and opened it after he heard Amber quietly say come in.

Dawson turned to Joey. "So what's the deal with them. Are they dating, or what?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "You don't think I can actually keep up with Pacey's love life, do you?"

Dawson laughed. "Okay, dumb question on my part. So I'll see you later, okay?"

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?" she could hear the desperateness in her voice as she spoke.

He shook his head. "I love you."

As he leaned into kiss her lightly, she tightly wrapped her arms around him, trying to find some semblance of the closeness they once had. She attempted to deepen the kiss, reluctantly pulling away as she felt him resist.

"I love you too," she said softly, as he turned and walked away.

She stared at Amber's door for a moment, debated on knocking, and then headed alone to her room.

"No Kate?" Pacey asked as he entered the room.

"She and Sean hooked up last night. I think she's still in his room," Amber said sitting down on her bed and picking up the remote.

"Are you mad at me?" Pacey asked, as Amber flicked on the TV.

She shook her head as she turned all of her attention to the remote. "Nah, why would you think that?"

"You ran away awfully quick in the hallway there. I just...," he began, moving closer to her. "I wouldn't want anything I did to upset you."

She turned to face him, as he lowered his lips to hers. She jumped back the second his lips grazed hers.

"God Pacey!" she exclaimed, her face angry. "Has anyone ever told you that you have the worst timing in the world?"

He shook his head, wordless as he stared at her.

"Why couldn't you have tried to kiss me last night? Instead of chasing after Joey all night?"

"I was not chasing after Joey," Pacey said shortly, cursing himself.

"What do you call it?"

"I was just concerned..."

"You were concerned she had no one to dirty dance with? I can see that would be so concerning that you weren't worried at all about leaving me at the party. So let me guess, something happened last night, and you realized that she's never going to leave Dawson. So you figured, hell, Amber's easy. Why don't I go for that." She picked the remote up, quickly angrily through channels, not slowing down enough to see what was on any channel.

"Amber," Pacey said, removing the remote from her hands. "I... it really wasn't like that."

"But..." she prodded, reaching to remove the remote from his hands.

"So maybe you might be a little right about my feelings for Joey," he said hesitantly, tucking the remote behind his back. "But it doesn't mean I don't like you. And I definitely don't think you're easy."

"Well apparently I am. After you left last night... I met someone. Someone who I slept with. Someone who couldn't even bother to remember my name the next day." She hesitantly raised her eyes to his, studying his reaction. His mouth dropped slightly.

"And are you interested in this person?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's just... Pacey... I really wanted this thing with you and me. But you're obviously in love with her. I think I deserve better than that. I felt like shit about myself after you left. And I did something really dumb because of that. I don't need you making me feel that way."

He nodded his head as he relinquished the remote to her and started to stand up.

"But, this doesn't mean we can't be friends. It just means I'm done hoping you stop chasing after Joey. So I hope you still want to hang out. Maybe without the handholding and attempted kissing?"

He smiled, relieved. "Amber I'm sorry I made you feel that way. And yes, I'd like to still hang out."


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to anyone who took the time to review. Please keep them coming!

Pacey opened the door and found himself face to face with Joey, who was closing her door. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and she was holding her toothbrush and toothpaste.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey."

They both started walking down the hall, next to each other, her toward the bathroom; him toward his dorm room.

"So thanks for the advice earlier, you were right."

She hesitantly smiled up at him. "Of course I was."

"So um… I'm sorry I just stormed out of your room. I'm sorry I just walked away."

"And I'm sorry if I made you feel like my backup boyfriend. For the record, I love spending time with you. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was taking advantage. And I promise you I am not playing any games." she mumbled, almost dropping her toothpaste as she attempted to seem calm.

Pacey nodded his head as they reached the bathroom.

"So are we done this incredibly embarrassing conversation?" Joey asked, smiling crookedly at him.

He nodded his head. "Yeah, I'd say so. So um…"

"Did you want to sleep in my room tonight?" she felt her heart beat slightly increase as she slowly met his eyes. Everything seemed different.

"I think I just might take you up on that offer. I'll be over in five."

She nodded her head and headed into the bathroom. She immediately splashed water over her slightly reddened face.

"I can't believe you're making me watch this," Joey moaned as she stared at the TV screen.

"I can't believe you haven't watched Star Wars since you were seven! Especially since it's one of Dawson's favorite movies."

Joey rolled her eyes as she watched CP30 walking away from R2D2. "I firmly believe that they are a gay couple," Joey grinned as she watched Pacey's mouth slightly drop open.

"You do realize they're robots - right?"

"But Pacey," Joey whined, pointing her hand at the television. "Watch CP30... he's totally..."

Pacey reached for her hand, grabbing it and placing it on her leg, his hand covering hers. "Will you just shut up and watch the movie."

Joey laughed as CP30 dramatically yelled, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Will this never end?"

She glanced up at Pacey, her grin wide. "Gay!" she exclaimed as she settled her body against Pacey's. Never moving his hand off of hers.

"Did we fall asleep? Now I'll never know how the movie ends!" Joey exclaimed, as she felt Pacey moving from the bed.

He laughed at her. "Don't worry, I'll just make you watch it again. What's your plan for today?"

"I was going to go on a little adventure today. Do you want to join me?"

"What kind of adventure?" He asked hesitantly, as he pulled his pillow out from underneath her head.

"Bastard," she muttered as she sat up. He struggled to keep his eyes on her face as the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra became apparent. "Forget it. It was stupid anyway."

"What," Pacey whined. "I want to know."

"Careful," Joey grinned. "You're beginning to sound like CP30."

Pacey took his pillow and lightly smacked her head. "Where are we going R2D2? R2D2 you must take me."

Joey slid of her bed, laughing at his hideous attempt to speak like CP30. "Okay, go get dressed. We're going outside - so dress warmly."

"Yes R2D2, I understand..." Pacey began as Joey placed her hands on his back, pushing him towards the door. "R2D2, I do not understand why you are treating me this way."

"Pacey," Joey warned.

"Yeah yeah yeah," Pacey muttered, his voice returning to normal as he opened the door. He turned back to face her. "I'll be back in like 20 minutes, k?"

Joey felt a slight blush rise to her cheeks, unable to believe that she was about to drop to his level. "Beep, beep, beep beep," she exclaimed.

Pacey burst out into laughter. "Dude... that was the worst R2D2 impression ever."

She closed the door in his face, unable to keep from laughing.

Pacey pulled his car onto the tiny dirt road. "You come here all the time?" he asked, looking around. "How do you get here?"

"The bus drops me off like a half a mile down the road. Come on already," she exclaimed opening the car door. He opened his door, putting on his coat as he slammed the door. She slid her backpack over her thick coat and wrapped her scarf around her neck. "Damn it's cold out. This might not have been the best day for this," she muttered.

"I'll just have to warm you up then," Pacey grinned, waiting for a reaction, his grin fading as she faced her back to him and started walking. "Jo? I was kidding!"

"If you want to warm me up, you'll be doing it at the top. So let's start moving."

He ran a couple steps to catch up with her, his pace easily falling in line with hers.

"It's really pretty here," Pacey said, looking around as they crossed a bridge.

"Yeah, sometimes I just come this far and sit and read or draw."

"What does Dawson do?" Pacey asked, as he stopped along the bridge, sitting down so that his feet were hanging off the edge. Joey tossed her backpack onto the bridge and sat down next to him, shivering slightly.

"Dawson's never been here. This is sorta my place I come to be alone." She lightly kicked his foot with hers as they both stared below at the moving water.

"How are you and Dawson doing anyway? I feel like I've barely seen him at all," Pacey probed gently.

She shrugged her shoulders. "We're good. I think we've both been taking some time to grow as individuals. Which is good. I think space doesn't always have to be bad."

Pacey opened his mouth, his heart pounding. What would she do if he told her? "You're right," he said softly.

She turned to face him, a smile on her face. "So what about you and Amber? What's going on with you two?"

Pacey laughed. "Was that a subject change? Because I don't think Amber's any better of a subject then Dawson."

"Our significant others shouldn't be bad subjects Pace. You and I are friends, right?" she said simply. He searched her eyes as she spoke, wondering if maybe she wasn't quite as cool and collected as she seemed.

"Amber isn't my significant other. Not even close."

"Well she's obviously crazy about you..." Joey began, her smile fading slightly as she spoke.

"Maybe she was, not anymore. Apparently I missed the window."

She tucked her hair behind her ear as she shivered. "What happened?" she asked, her expression slightly pained.

He watched her carefully, trying to figure out if she looked upset because she was cold... or because of Amber. "After the party, the party you and I left early, she slept with someone."

Joey's eyes widened. "She what? How could she do that? How can someone just sleep with someone they don't even know?"

Pacey cleared his throat slightly. "Sometimes people get caught up in the moment. Or sometimes people are drunk. Or sometimes it just feels nice to be wanted," he said tightly. "I guess you wouldn't understand."

"I guess not. You ready to start up again? I've got some sandwiches we can eat when we

get to the top."

Pacey nodded as he stood up, offering her his hand. She lightly touched his hand, not using it at all to pull herself to her feet. He watched as she started up the path, without looking back to make sure he was following.

He shook his head, wondering if they'd ever get it right.

"I'm the king of the world," Pacey shouted, in his best Leonardo Decaprio voice, as he stood on the edge of a large rock boulder.

"Will you quit that and come down from there," Joey said crossly as she tucked the remainder of her sandwich back into her backpack.

"Jo, you've got to come up here, the view is incredible."

Joey walked over to the edge of the boulder. "You know I have a fear of heights... right?" she asked as she hesitantly began to climb the boulder. He extended his hand out to her, and this time she firmly grasped it,clinging tightly as she reached the top. "Don't you dare pretend to push me."

Pacey laughed as she applied more pressure to his hand. "This is beautiful," she said softly, her thumb gently caressing his hand. "It looks like it's going to storm though, doesn't it?"

"Or snow..." Pacey said, as small snowflakes began to fill the sky.

"It's snowing!" Joey exclaimed, jumping up and down and extending her hands up to the sky.

"What happened to your fear of heights?" Pacey asked, laughing.

She grinned. "Completely gone. Of course we are going to have to live up here, because I'm never going to be able to get back down."

She felt her teeth starting to chatter as she brushed the light snow from her hair.

"So we're at the top... does that mean I get to warm you up?" Pacey asked, trying to keep his tone light. She nodded her head as he pulled her into his arms and held her there.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt that comfortable.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks everyone for the reviews. This chapter is a bit short - but the next one is ready to post! Review if you want it!

Pacey glanced up as he heard the elevator open.

"Dawson, what are you doing here?" he stared as Dawson walked out of the opening door.

"Pacey, oh um…." Dawson fumbled, looking awkwardly around. "To see Joey."

"Hey D, it's Tuesday… she has her night art class… remember?" Pacey said, grinning at Dawson's confusion.

"Oh, well so much for surprising her. Do me a favor, don't mention I was here. I'll surprise her another night."

Pacey nodded, and started towards the bathroom.

"Hey Pacey." Dawson called after him as he pressed the down button.

Pacey turned back to look at him, slightly annoyed. "Yes?"

"We should catch up some time. Okay?"

Pacey nodded his head. "Sure, give me a call."

Dawson watched as Pacey turned the corner, and then quickly started walking down the hallway.

Pacey glanced over at his clock and sighed. There was still another half hour left until Joey got back from her class. He flicked off his TV and headed to Amber's room.

He raised his hand to knock on Amber's door, just as it opened. He took a step back, and raised his eyes to meet what he thought would be Amber's face. Instead it was Dawson's.

"Pacey…" Dawson began.

Pacey looked from Dawson, to Amber who quickly appeared behind him as she straightened her shirt.

"Pacey," she said softly.

He looked back and forth between the two of them. "Of course. Of course," he muttered, shaking his head as he walked away.

"Pacey, will you wait," Dawson said, as he caught up with Pacey. "Dude…"

Pacey turned to face Dawson. "I have no words for you. None."

"I was ending it. I swear. Everything you've said is right. She deserves better than the crap I've been giving her. It's over with Amber. From now on, I'm focusing on Joey."

"You just had to give Amber one last fuck first? Let me know when you get to the part where I'm supposed to give a shit," Pacey said tightly, as they neared the elevator.

Dawson stared at Pacey's angry face, his former best friend almost unrecognizable to him. And then he remembered the last time he'd seen that look. "Fuck… you liked Amber?"

Pacey shrugged his shoulders. "I guess we'll never know now, will we?"

"Pacey, I… I didn't know. I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't," Pacey said hoarsely. "You never do, do you?"

"What the hell is that.."

Dawson began, and then stopped as the elevator door opened. Two pairs of eyes watched as Joey stepped out of the elevator, her mouth slightly open.

"What's going on? Dawson what are you doing here?" she asked, as she looked back and forth between the two angry faces.

Dawson smiled at her, pulling her against him and softly kissing her forehead. "I wanted to surprise you. I was just hanging out with Pacey until you got back. I wasn't expecting you back yet."

She smiled slightly. "Yeah we got out early."

She adjusted her backpack, as she waited for one of them to say something. Neither of them did.

"Well okay then… I'm heading back to my room. Is anyone coming with me?"

Pacey shook his head. "Nah, night guys."

Joey watched as he walked away, a confused look on her face. She turned to Dawson, "What's going on?"

Dawson shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, it's Pacey."

His arm tightly wrapped around her, they headed towards her room.

She glanced over at him, his face illuminated by the TV.

"Hey Dawson," she said softly.

He turned to face her, his eyes meeting her uncertain ones. "What?" he asked.

"Are we okay?" she lightly bit her lip as she watched him struggle for an answer.

He sighed, unsure what to say. "Joey, it's been different. You know… it's not high school anymore. I feel like everything's changed. Except one thing. I still love you."

He leaned in to kiss her, wondering how he'd forgotten how beautiful she was.

Pacey picked up his phone, grinning as he expected to hear Joey's voice.

"Pacey?"

"Oh hey Amber," he said softly.

"I need to talk."

He sighed into the phone. "I'll be right over."

He glanced at Joey's closed door as he knocked on Amber's. She hesitantly opened the door, stepping quickly back from it as he entered the room.

"You okay?" he asked, shutting the door behind him.

Amber nodded, her eyes swollen and red. "Yeah. I'm okay," she said softly, as she slid onto the bed.

"God Amber, why didn't you tell me?" he asked, walking over to the bed and sitting next to her.

She glanced up at him, "I just, I didn't want you to lose respect in me."

He smiled tightly.

"Which I can already tell that you have."

"Why Dawson?" he asked hoarsely.

She shrugged her shoulders. "The person I wanted to be with, didn't want to be with me. He did."

"And now?" Pacey asked hesitantly.

"And now I just fucked everything up," she muttered.

"Amber, you made a mistake, you didn't fuck everything up."

"So then try to kiss me again," she said looking up at him.

"Amber," Pacey said, taking a deep breath..

"See," she said turning from him and walking over to her desk. "You're not interested anymore."

Pacey shook his head. "Amber, there is a history here. He and I have been fighting over girls since we hit puberty. I can't do it anymore. I can't be okay that you've slept with him. I've shared enough girls with him. And I can't be your second choice"

"Don't give me that crap. You know you weren't my second choice. You were my first. But , we both know who you want to be with."

He looked up at her, his face hardened. "I don't want to be with her. She and I will never happen. And I'm not just saying that because something happened and she rejected me."

Amber sighed, as she watched his face for some sign of what he was feeling. Dejected, she reached for the remote and flicked on the TV.


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks to anyone who is reading and reviewing - it is much appreciated and really makes my day!

Pacey rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he got up and walked over to his door, opening it cautiously.

"Hey Pace," Joey said, smiling widely at him.

"I thought you were gonna be one of my roommate's girlfriends. I can't get any sleep, they keep coming by and waking me up."

"Well maybe if your lazy ass wasn't still in bed in the middle of the day…" she began as she handed him a piece of paper.

"What's this?"

"Job… it's twenty bucks an hour!"

Pacey glanced up from the flyer. "It's telemarketing."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, I know… but twenty dollars an hour."

"I think I'll pass," he said, as he handed the flyer back to her.

She pouted as she skimmed the ad again. "Okay… well you can stay poor. I'm going to go…. are you around later?"

He smiled, "I might be. If you're lucky."

She rolled the flyer up and smacked him on the head. "I'll be by later."

Amber reached into the bowl on Pacey's lap, grabbing a handful of popcorn. "This is nice… we've been here a whole hour and no sign of your roommate or any of his skanky whores."

Pacey opened his mouth to say something just as they heard a loud knock on the door.

"You've got to be kidding me," Pacey muttered, laughing as he stood up to answer the door.

"Jo, hey, I thought we'd lost you to the world of telemarketing."

"Nah, the interview sucked. So instead I joined Spanish club. Oh hey Amber," Joey said as she walked into the room.

"Of course you joined the Spanish club," Pacey muttered sardonically, a slight smile on his face.

"How was Spanish club? I actually thought about joining…"Amber admitted.

"It was fun. You should come with me next time," Joey offered hesitantly as she removed her jacket.

"Is it raining?" Pacey asked, watching as she ran her hands through dampened hair.

She shook her head. "Nope, snowing. It's actually really beautiful out."

Pacey grinned widely as he walked over to the window and looked outside. "Hmmmmmmmm…. You don't say?"

Joey and Amber watched in confusion as Pacey reached behind his Microfridge and pulled out a couple of trays from the dining hall.

"What on earth…" Amber began.

"Are those for?" Joey finished.

Joey screamed as she gripped the tray, sliding quickly down the snow-covered hill. Pacey laughed as she rolled off the tray at his feet. He reached his gloved hand out and helped her to her feet. She quickly let go of his hand, turning to watch Amber hesitantly climb on her tray.

"You can do it!" Joey yelled in her best Rob Schneider impression.

Pacey turned to Joey, his mouth wide open. "You need to not do impressions. Ever."

She grinned as she stuck her tongue out at him. He grinned back, unable to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at her.

Amber watched the exchange; her heart beat quickening as she gripped the tray. "Here I come!" she yelled, making sure both Joey and Pacey were looking when she finally pushed herself down the hill.

She let out a loud shriek as she whipped down the hill, her tears freezing on her face.

"Nice run. You ready for the real hill now?" Pacey asked, picking up his tray and tilting his head toward the hill further from the dorms. There were several other sledders out on the hills, some with real sleds, some with trays; few were on the steep hill.

Joey picked up her tray, her jaw locked. "I am."

Pacey smiled, he couldn't help but admire her determination as she started walking toward the hill.

Amber shook her head. "I'll wait down here," she called after him, as he followed Joey, without even a glance back at her.

Pacey let out a howl as Joey pushed herself down the hill. "Are you dragging your heels?" he yelled, turning his head around so he could look at her.

"Pacey…." He heard her yelling but he couldn't hear a word she was saying.

"Catch up you wimp!" he yelled, grinning at the look of horror on her face.

"Wimp," he muttered, facing his head forward, just in time to see the large tree right in front of him.

He opened his eyes to see Joey standing above him. "Oh God, Pacey?"

"Is he okay?" he heard Amber's voice ask.

"I'm fine," Pacey mumbled, his eyes locked on Joey's.

"Can you move?" Joey asked gently, as her eyes surveyed his body.

"I'm fine," he repeated, placing his hands on the ground and pushing on the ground. He raised his body an inch of the ground, and then immediately dropped back to the ground. "Fuck."

"Should we call an ambulance?" Amber asked quietly.

Pacey shook his head. "No. But maybe if you wouldn't mind… could you drive me down to health services?"

"Of course, I'll go get my car. Joey, I'll bring the car up as far as I can get it."

Joey stared after Amber's retreating figure, and then turned her attention to Pacey.

"Is there anything I can do?"

He grinned up at her. "Well I blow job wouldn't hurt."

Joey's look of concern quickly turned to one of exasperation, as she placed her hand in perfect position to smack him.

"Hey, I'm hurt," he whined, flashing her his best puppy dog eyes.

"Speaking of which. Mr. I don't want to call an ambulance. Any suggestions on how we're going to get you to Amber's car?"

He winced as his hand reached over towards his tray. "Just get that under my butt and we'll slide me down."

Joey shook her head, her lips curving into a slight smile. "I'm not going anywhere near your butt."

She reached across his body, picking up the tray. "Can you um… lift?"

He attempted to raise himself as Joey slid the tray under him. "Are you sure you don't just want me to call 911?"

He nodded, grimacing. "I'm sure. Just help me slide down… slowly."

She placed one hand on his shoulder and slowly helped him down the hill.

"Are you sure you guys don't need me to stay?" Amber asked, watching as Joey assisted Pacey out of the passenger side.

Pacey shook his head. "Nah, we're all set."

"Joey could drive my car back and I could stay. That way she could study for her test."

Pacey paused for a moment, glancing between Joey and Amber.

"Amber, it's okay, I already studied. Pacey's a big baby when he's sick… believe me… I'm doing you a favor."

Amber raised her eyes to meet Joey's, just enough anger in her eyes to let Joey know that she did not consider this a favor.

Joey lowered her head, fumbling with her jacket zipper.

"I appreciate this Amber," Pacey said, his voice sincere.

She watched with a lump in her throat as he walked away with Joey.

"This is ridiculous," Pacey sighed, tossing Redbook on the floor.

Joey looked up from her copy of Home Gardening. "Come on Pacey. It's only been 3 hours," she muttered sarcastically.

"Jo, why don't you just head home? I'll be fine. I can take the health services van back. You don't need to stay."

Joey smiled softly at him. "I'm staying. But… I am going to go find out what's taking so long."

She handed him her magazine and stomped up to the counter. "Excuse me. We've been waiting her for over three hours. What do we have to do to get someone to help us. Come up here and bleed all over you?"

The woman behind the counter looked up at Joey and sighed. "Name?"

"Witter, Pacey Witter. The guy who's sitting over there bleeding."

The woman flicked her eyes over in Pacey's direction and sighed again. "I'll see what I can do."

Joey nodded. "Thank you, I'd appreciate it."

"You know I'm not still bleeding, right?" Pacey asked as Joey.

"I can fix that you know…" she grinned devilishly.

"Pacey Witter," the nurse called, glancing around the nearly empty room.

"Saved by the nurse," he muttered as he stood up. "Jo, seriously… don't wait… okay?"

She nodded her head quietly. "Okay."

Pacey yawned as he limped into the waiting room, wincing as the light from the rising sun hit his eyes. His grimace turning into a smile as his eyes settled on Joey, asleep and curled up with his backpack. And for a second he had to remind himself… she wasn't his.


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks so much for the reviews - please keep them coming!

Amber opened the door, almost smacking Joey in the face. "Oh hey Joey. I figured I'd entertain him for a while."

Joey smiled cautiously. "Good, because he's like a dog. He needs constant entertainment."

"Hey," Pacey yelled from Joey's spare bed, "I can hear you guys."

Amber laughed, as her body brushed by Joey's on the way to her own dormroom. "I'll see you guys later. Is he spending the night?"

Joey shrugged her shoulders, awkwardly. "Pace?" she yelled towards the bed.

"Unless you plan on carrying me back to my room, I'm not moving," he replied.

"Okay well… I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Joey smiled and closed the door as Amber set about unlocking her own.

"She so still has a thing for you," Joey said, perching herself on the end of the bed.

"Had. Had a thing for me. Been there. Done that. It's over."

"I didn't realize it had began," she said softly, the smile quickly fading from her face.

"I don't tell you everything Jo," he said harshly. Immediately his face softened. "There really wasn't anything to tell."

"Did you sleep with her?"

Pacey sighed and closed his eyes. "Jo… I really don't think that's any of your business."

She froze. If he wasn't answering, that only left one answer.

"It's not like I ask you about your sex life," he continued, annoyed

"What sex life?" Joey muttered. "Honestly? I'm not even sure why we're dating anymore. He doesn't seem remotely interested in me these days."

"And?" he probed gently.

Joey took a deep breath as she cast her eyes down. "Pace… would you ever date someone that wouldn't sleep with you?"

He sighed. It was moments like this that he wished he didn't know her so well.

"Probably not Jo."

He pretended not to notice the hurt in her eyes as she tucked her knees closely into her chest.

"Plus… who would I date that wouldn't want to sleep with me?" He placed a cocky grin on his face, carefully studying her reaction.

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "Oh. Pacey, that night, in the bowl..." she began slowly.

The phone rang, the shrill sound echoing through the room.

"Saved by the bell," Pacey grinned as Joey picked up the phone.

"Oh hey Dawson… tonight? Sure. That sounds great. I'll see you then… I love you too."

She could feel Pacey's eyes on her as she hung up the phone. "What?" she asked flatly.

"You're going out with him tonight?" he kept his voice flat as he spoke.

"Yeah, so what?" she snapped.

"Well A… you and I had plans… and B whatever happened to not knowing why you are together?"

Joey shrugged as she walked over to her closet. "I was just… forget I said anything. And our plans were just to watch TV, Pace. We can do that any night."

"Sure, whatever Jo. Have fun tonight." He struggled off her bed, his ribs still sore. "I guess I'll head back to my room."

She looked up from the drawer she was digging in. "You don't have to leave, you can stick around if you want."

"Thanks, but no thanks."

She didn't look at him as he left the room.

Pacey angrily pushed his way into the bathroom, immediately splashing his face with cool water when he reached the sink. He looked up at himself in the mirror and sighed.

"It doesn't matter," he muttered softly. "She doesn't matter."

Not believing himself, he went off in search of alcohol.

Joey anxiously brushed her hair as she waited for Dawson's call. Things with Dawson and her were perfectly fine. She had absolutely nothing to worry about. And unlike certain assholes, Dawson was willing to wait for her to be ready. And maybe tonight would be when she was ready.

Pacey watched from his window as Joey and Dawson walked hand in hand towards his car. He stopped to kiss her along the way. Pacey shook his head in disgust and turned away. Just more proof that she wasn't worth his time.

He walked over to his fridge and pulled out a beer. His phone rang just as he was about to take a gulp.

"Yeah?" he asked loudly into the phone as he took a swig of his beer.

"Pacey?"

"Who is this?" he asked, recognizing but unable to place the husky female voice.

"It's Nicole. Look, I know you're still mad… but I'm here visiting some people… and I just really wanted to see you. I'm outside your dorm."

Nicole. His fingers tightly wound around the phone cord as he considered going down to meet her. He knew exactly what would happen if he saw her.

And it was exactly what he needed.

"I'll be right down."

"So are you coming up?" Joey asked softly in her best bedroom voice.

Dawson shook his head. "Not tonight Joey. I'm exhausted."

"Dawson, it's only ten o'clock! Come on, come up for a bit," her sexy voice had turned slightly whiny as she felt him slipping away from her.

He smiled, reaching out and touching her cheek. "You're beautiful you know. I'll call you tomorrow." He removed his hand, kissing her softly where it had been.

Joey sighed, watching him silently as he walked away.

Pacey groaned as Nicole brushed her chest against his. "God I missed this," he mumbled into her mouth.

"Me too," she said, her voice husky. She paused, and tilted her head. "Did you hear something?"

"They'll go away," he muttered, "don't worry".

She grinned as she raised her body to a sitting position, her breasts perched above him. "I just didn't want your roommate to get a better welcome home than he bargained for."

"Pacey?"

Joey's voice cut through the room clearly as he heard the door knob jiggle.

"Don't come in," he yelled hoarsely.

"…Come in."

Joey turned the door anticipating Pacey to be angry, but willing to listen. Instead she was greeted by breasts.

"I um… I.." she stuttered, unable to look away from the breasts straddling a naked Pacey. It wasn't until she raised her eyes to the girls face, that she realized she'd seen these breasts before. In fact this entire situation was all too familiar. Only last time, it had been Dawson.


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks guys for the reviews! I appreciate them so much I thought I'd post another update. Sorry to say I don't think Pacey or Joey are going to smarten up any time soon... review if you want more!

Pacey slid his tray next to Joey's, as he reached across the table for something that resembled Jell-O.

"So what… are you just never going to talk to me again?" he asked casually as he grabbed a Jell-O and placed it on Joey's empty tray.

She wrinkled her nose as she placed the Jell-o back on the table. "I'm not not talking to you. I just have nothing to say to you."

She spooned several large pieces of lettuce onto her plate and got out of the lunch line. Pacey finished filling up his tray and then joined her at an empty lunch table.

"Pace… can't you just…" she began.

He shook his head as he sat down. "Is that all you're eating?"

She sighed as she picked up her fork. "Don't," she said sharply, "even go there."

"What… I don't have the right to care because I fucked someone?"

Joey looked up at him, her eyes wide.

"Jo, I know you would have liked for me to reveal, at some point, that I'm actually a virgin, or I've only slept with that one special person. But guess what? I'm human. But I'd like to ask you a question. Why does it matter?"

"I just thought that you… I just… I thought you were better than that."

"It must be nice to be so perfect Jo. It must be fucking nice," he snapped, crossing his arms across his chest.

She looked down, tracing patterns on her plate with a piece of lettuce.

"It's not evil you know," he said softly, reaching his hand out to stop hers from moving.

"What's not evil?" she asked crossly, yanking her hand away from his.

"Sex. It doesn't make you a bad person. Having sex doesn't make someone a bad person. You know what Jo, even your perfect boyfriend has had sex. So why when I do the same am I suddenly the bad guy?"

She shrugged her shoulders, refusing to look at him. "I don't know Pace."

"And you know what Jo. Wanting sex is completely normal. In fact not wanting it, not trying for it… well you've got to wonder…"

"You've got to wonder what?" Joey asked, her voice tense.

"Why he isn't interested. Why he stopped trying. Maybe you should stop worrying about my sex life and start worrying about your own."

She shoved her tray away from her and stood up. "Well as much fun as this is Pace, I've got stuff to do."

He shook his head as he looked from her to her food, untouched on her tray.

"So is this going to be your new excuse?"

"My new excuse for what?" she asked dryly, as she zipped up her jacked.

"To not eat?"

She sighed as she slung her backpack on her shoulder. "This has nothing to do with you. Or Dawson. It has to do with me. Me being disgusting."

Pacey stood up, taking a step closer to her. "I played this game enough in high school. I'm going to say this once, and only once." He said harshly and then softened his tone. "You are perfect. You are not disgusting, you are not fat. Any guy would be lucky to be with you. Any guy would want to be with you. Understand?"

She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "You don't mean that," she said softly.

"And why is that?" he asked, a slight mocking tone in his voice, as if he already knew what she was going to say.

"Because you would have said… you would have…" she mumbled, lowering her eyes to the ground.

"I would have said yes?" He asked, watching as her eyes widened. "I would have told you that I would date someone who wouldn't sleep with me? I would have asked you to leave him for me? I would have told you I want to date you even if you don't want to have sex?"

He turned from her to pick up his backpack. "Of course," he began as he turned back towards her. "If you knew me at all, you wouldn't have had to ask that question."

Her mouth opened slightly as she realized what he was saying. He shook his head and started walking towards the door.

"Pace… Pace… wait… you lied? Why?"

He shortened his pace to allow her to catch up. "One of these days Jo, you'll figure it out. Give me a call when you've decided you've got something to say to me."

She watched in silence as he walked away, trying to figure out why he would have lied to her. And if she really believed it was a lie.

"Hey Jo," Amber grinned as Joey opened her door.

"Hey Amber." Joey attempted to smile as she tried to look as if she hadn't been crying.

"You okay?"

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "Eh."

"You want to get out of here? I'm heading up to the mall to find a dress for the semi-formal. Nothing like waiting til the last minute. Have you got one yet?"

"Well… I've got two dresses from random high school dances. Both of which I hate, and both of which Dawson has already seen me in"

Amber tensed for a moment. "You're going with Dawson?"

Joey grinned. "Of course. Who did you think I was going to go with? And if you say Pacey, I might be forced to hurt you."

Amber forced a laugh as she tried to hide what she felt every time she heard Dawson's name. "I'm going to assume that you two are in a fight and not ask a single question."

"Wise decision," Joey grinned. "So yeah, I'll come. Maybe I'll find something I actually like. This will be fun, I'm glad you're going."

"Well I'm still not 100 percent sure I'm going. I mean I told Josh I'd go with him… but I don't know…" Amber said hesitantly. "But I want to make sure I have a dress in case I do go."

"Jo… that is the dress!" Amber exclaimed as Joey opened the dressing room door.

She twirled around in front of the mirror in the tight red dress that clung tightly to her body.

"I don't know… it's kinda… tight… maybe too tight." she said hesitantly as she sucked her stomach in.

"Nah… it looks great. God… how do you keep yourself so thin. You keep shrinking while the rest of us are growing." Amber lamented, smoothing her dress over her softly curving stomach.

Joey looked up from her reflection. "I'm sure you haven't gained a pound. We just need to find you the right dress. I'm gonna get this. I've got some plans for the semi that involve a little dress… and a trip to Victoria's Secret."

A wave of guilt washed over Amber as she attempted to look happy. "Look out folks, Joey's got plans," she teased.


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for reading! Please Review if you are!

"Yo Dawson!"

Dawson looked up from his TV as his friend Charlie entered the room.

"What's up?"

"You got plans tonight?" he asked, leaning against the wall, his eyebrow slightly raised.

"Kinda, why… what's up?"

"Well… it sounds like we're all gonna go to _Anthony's_ … for some gentleman entertainment." Charlie grinned.

Dawson bit his lip. "I'm supposed to take the wife to her dorm semi formal. She'll kill me if I don't take her."

Charlie laughed. "Please tell me you're kidding."

Dawson nervously laughed. "Seriously man… she'll kill me."

"Would she kill you as much as she'd kill you if she found out you were sleeping with other girls?" he asked, his tone serious.

Dawson met Charlie's eyes, unsure if his words were merely a question, or a threat.

"Dawson, it's one night. She's stuck with you for this long. Get someone else to take her."

Dawson found himself nodding his head. Charlie was right… it's not as if Joey was suddenly going to develop a backbone.

"I'm in."

Dawson paced back and forth in front of Pacey's door. It hadn't even occurred to him that Pacey might have plans tonight. He glanced at his watch. He'd give Pacey five more minutes. And then he'd have to find someone else to take Joey.

"Up or down?" Amber asked, her eyes flickering over Joey's hair.

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know… what are you doing? And why don't you guys just come with me and Dawson, it would be so much easier. The bus is going to suck."

"We'll be fine. I don't want to intrude. What time is he picking you up?"

Joey shook her head as Amber handed her the blow drier. "That's a good question. One I'm sure I could answer if Dawson ever answered his phone. I've been trying to get a hold of him all day."

"He does know the dance is tonight – right?" Amber asked hesitantly, the knots in her stomach loosening as a thought occurred to her. She didn't even need to worry about dealing with Dawson, he wasn't going to be there.

"Dawson, what are you doing here?" Pacey asked breathlessly as he mopped the sweat from his face.

Dawson barely even looked at Pacey as he removed a garment bag he'd had hanging on the doorknob of Pacey's door.

"How was your run? Listen... I need you to do me a huge favor."

Pacey wordlessly unlocked his door, and entered it, leaving the door open. Dawson followed him into the room.

"The favor really isn't even for me… it's for Joey."

Pacey looked up at Dawson, hating the man who used to be his best friend..

"There's a suit in that bag, isn't there?"

Dawson grimaced. "It's a nice one too. It's yours. And here's some money too. Just… show her a good time. I feel like I've been letting her down so much lately."

"Lately?" Pacey muttered, taking the two one hundred dollar bills Dawson held out in his hand.

He took the bag from Dawson, and spoke words he had no intention of saying. "I'll do it… but you owe me…"

Pacey tossed the bag on the bed, wondering how he could see so clearly what an asshole Dawson was, while Joey had no clue.

"So what's going on with you and Pacey anyway?" Amber asked, removing a boby-pin from her mouth and putting it in Joey's hair.

"What do you mean?" Joey asked hesitantly, her stomach flip-flopping at his name.

"Well – you two have been avoiding each other…"

"We got in a fight… it was dumb… I think we must really like to fight with each other. Someday we're either gonna kill each other or…"

"Fuck?" Amber supplied cautiously.

Joey's mouth dropped open slightly, and then her lips curled into a smile. "Something like that."

"So what's the history there? There's obviously some" Amber prodded.

"So Dawson and I met Pacey in kindergarten. At first I was jealous of him stealing all of Dawson's time, but eventually we formed our own friendship. When my mom died, he was there for me in a way Dawson couldn't even begin to fathom. And I think that's when I started to develop feelings." Joey took a deep breath, trying to find the words to say out loud. "I kept trying to send him signals I was interested, but he just didn't seem interested. He was my first kiss during a game of 7 minute in heaven. A moment we both managed to write about for that first kiss assignment. Mr Green almost got us kicked out for plagiarism actually"

"Oh my god Jo, classic! So... What happened after this kiss?" She asked as she gently hair sprayed joeys hair.

"Nothing. Nothing happened. A couple weeks later I found him making out with someone else. Eventually Dawson asked me out and the rest is history. Our moms had planned our marriage while they were both still pregnant in prenatal yoga. It was always just assumed he and I would be a thing. But..." Joey paused.

"I knew there had to be more to the story!" Amber exclaimed tossing the brush on the desk.

Joey sighed "So for a while Pacey and I didn't talk as much. He started skipping school, drinking, and I was really focused on studying. Junior year Dawson was a golden boy track star. Pacey and I both joined the team but we were the riff-raff. So we ended up spending lots of time together. Mostly sitting at the back of the bus making fun of everyone. And then track ended. And Pacey got a girlfriend. And Dawson was still golden boy. And I just kinda... Disappeared" she said softly.

"What happen Jo?" Amber asked, sensing her change in tone.

"After my mom died, my dad couldn't stand to be around me. I know he was coping in his own way but at the time I just felt rejected. Dawson was too busy being Mr. Popular to really notice how isolated I was becoming, and Pacey just kept drifting further away. I just... I stopped eating. I was taking diet pills. I just disappeared. I'll give you one guess which guy in my life noticed"

"I get the feeling Dawson's a bit obtuse," Amber offered hesitantly.

"Pacey talked to my father. He carted me to support groups. He was... Incredible. He saved me." Joey tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

"And then?"

"And then he ruined it all. He wrote me a piece of crap poem to try to get in my pants. And we got in a huge fight and I told him to never call me again. And he didn't. I tutored him for part of junior year and all of senior year and he never once picked up the phone to call me. Our friendship sorta fell back into place, we jogged together, studied together and never once talked about what happened."

"Wow Jo, I don't know what to say"

"I can't believe I told you all this!" Joey blushed. "I've never told anyone!"

"I had no idea. I was pretty convinced you and Pacey had some intense high school love affair. And sure you two had slept together!"

"First of all, I'm a virgin. Which would make it immensely impossible for me to have slept with Pacey…"

"You're a what?" Amber's eyes widened as she looked at Joey.

"Yeah…. Plus… there hasn't been a time when I haven't been committed to Dawson since I was old enough to want to have sex."

"Wait… I thought you and Dawson were seeing other people?" Amber asked, suddenly feeling sick.

"Over the summer we were. But that didn't go so well. What about you?"

"What about me?" Amber asked, the heat rising to her cheeks.

"You and Pacey?"

Amber tried to hide the sigh of relief as she realized that Joey had no idea she should even be asking about Dawson.

"I'll admit… I was interested. Until I discovered he was way too into someone else," she stated pointedly.

Joey tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "If you're implying that he's interested in me…. You're wrong. He's made it abundantly clear that he's not," she said firmly.

Amber shrugged. "Coulda fooled me. Haven't you ever heard that actions speak louder than words?"

"So you never slept with him then?" Joey asked.

Amber shook her head. "He was way too busy chasing after you to sleep with me Joey."

"Uh huh. So anyway," Joey said, "Anything going on with you and Josh?"

"Nice subject change," Amber grinned as she turned her attention to her own hair. "He's a nice guy… but I think we're just lacking… I don't know… chemistry. I think I'm just going to swear off men."

"If I don't hear from Dawson soon – I'm going to be joining you!"

"Amen to that," Amber muttered. "I'm gonna go get my dress ready. I'll be back in a bit to check on you."

Joey smiled as she watched Amber leaving, wondering how she'd ever not liked her.


	16. Chapter 16

Review please!

"Dawson… it's me… again… I don't where you are but…" she paused as she heard a knock on her door. "That better be you at my door." She placed the phone on the receiver, walked over to the door, and opened it.

The smile on her face disappeared as she opened the door and found herself staring at Pacey instead of Dawson. She caught a sob in the back of her throat as her eyes surveyed Pacey. He was holding a large bouquet of white lilies and wearing a light blue shirt, a tie... and a suit. He looked amazing.

"Peace," he said grinning widely at her, as he held the flowers out. He tried to ignore how prominent her ribs looked in her tight red dress as he awaited her reaction.

"Pacey... what are you doing here? Are you going tonight?" she asked timidly, almost afraid to hear his answer

She watched carefully as his smile faded. "Fuck. You've got to be kidding me," he muttered.

"He's not coming?" She asked softly, slowly closing her eyes.

"I thought he told you Jo. I assumed you were okay with me taking you." Pacey said hoarsely.

She opened her eyes, tears glistening in them as she plastered a fake smile on her face. "It's okay. We'll have more fun anyway. That is… if we're done fighting?"

Pacey raised an eyebrow at her. "Are we ever done fighting?"

Joey reached out, taking the flowers from his hand. "So should I thank you for these or smack you with them?"

"Truce?" he asked, making puppy dog eyes as he rapidly blinked his eyes.

She brought the flowers to her nose and inhaled deeply. "Truce. Thanks for the flowers Pace. It was really sweet."

He raised his eyes, meeting hers, and smiled. She smiled back, without immediately looking away. He took a deep breath. "Jo…"

"Joey! I'm leaving. You all set?" Amber asked, poking her head in the door. "Pacey… what the hell are you doing here?"

Pacey laughed. "Well someone had to come along to keep tonight interesting."

Amber grinned as she entered the room. "Well thank God for that."

"Whoah mama!" Pacey teased as he eyed Amber and her skimpy black dress.

Amber blushed. "Awww go on."

Joey was unable to turn her eyes away from Amber's curving body as a wave of jealousy shot through her. She glanced down at her own body, small, her breasts almost flat, and then back at Amber. Amber's body was everything she hadn't wanted hers to be… so why was suddenly so jealous?

Pacey turned back to Joey. "Shall we go ma'am?" he asked, offering her his arm. She sighed as she slinked her arm through his. She tried to ignore how good he smelled as he escorted her through the door.

Joey grinned as she and Pacey ducked into the coat room.

"God Pace, this is exactly what I needed."

Pacey laughed. "You've looked like you needed it since I showed up at your door."

She smiled as she removed the bottle of rum from his hands and raised it to her lips. She shook her head as it burned on the way down.

"Who says I can't handle my liquor?" she asked as she took another drink.

Pacey reached out, his thumb brushing the cool liquid running down her chin. She cleared her throat, suddenly very aware of how close together she and Pacey were standing.

"Hmm… apparently the fact that I can't keep all of it in my mouth speaks volumes," she grinned, taking a step back. "Come on… let's go find the others."

Pacey trailed after her, the feel of her soft skin still lingering on his fingers.

"Jooeeeyyy," Amber slurred as she leaned across the table. "Josh and I are going to go dance. Are you and Pacey okay alone?"

"I think we are," Pacey said, grinning at how oblivious she was to the volume of her voice.

Joey laughed. "Yes Amber, I think we're okay. You can stop babysitting us now. Go dance."

Amber stood up, her chair falling over as she stood. "Ooops." Josh grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dance floor, Amber giggling all the way.

"Dude… that girl is drunk!"

"So you want to?" Pacey asked cautiously.

"What – get drunk? I thought we were on our way."

"No… dance." He kept his eyes focused on her as he spoke, attempting to look as relaxed as he wished he was.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose since we're all dressed up it's kinda a requirement – right?"

He nodded his head. A requirement? That was like wanting to dance with him – right?

"It's actually nice, being here, with you, like this," she said softly, settling into his arms.

"You sound surprised," he teased as he resisted the urge to pull her body against his; to allow his hands to slide across her smooth skin.

She shrugged her shoulders, allowing her body to lightly press into his. He inhaled sharply, suddenly unsure where to put his hands.

He settled his hands gently against her bare back, as she moved even further into him. This was the closest they had been since the night they kissed. She rested her head on his shoulder, sighing softly. Pacey remained silent, scared that any words might ruin the moment. He felt her stomach rumbling against his body, and suddenly the thought of remaining silent was very far away.

"Have you eaten anything today?" he asked, her body feeling so light in his arms. She softly bit her lower lip.

"Can we not talk about this now?" she asked wearily.

"Jo - don't act like I don't have a right to care. After everything we went through last time… why are you doing this to yourself again?"

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "Listen Pacey, I don't know what you think I'm doing, but I'm fine. I was nervous about tonight so I didn't eat. That's all. Don't turn this into something this isn't." She pulled her body away from his, leaving her hands lightly placed on his shoulders.

"This is me you're talking to. Not your boyfriend. I don't play dumb."

"He wasn't playing dumb," she said softly.

He looked at her skeptically. "You really think he didn't know you had an eating disorder?"

"I think he saw what he wanted to see."

"And me? What did I see Jo?" he asked softly, his fingertips grazing her skin.

"Someone's pants you wanted to get into, apparently," she lashed out bitterly. He dropped his arms and took a step back as if she'd slapped him.

"And what on earth gave you that idea Jo?" he asked, the soft velvety voice from before gone, replaced by a sarcastic tone.

Her eyes filled with tears as she met his inscrutable eyes. "You know, back then, I thought that maybe, just maybe there was something real between us. And then you ruined it by writing me that load of crap poem. I love you so much? Every time I see him with you it kills me? I deserved more than some lame attempt to get in my pants."

He laughed. "You think that I wrote that poem to get in your pants? God Jo, talk about seeing what you want to see. If you'd bothered to think about it for more than five seconds, you would have realized I meant every word of that poem." He dropped his hands from her body, and stomped off. She might have followed after him… if she hadn't felt so dizzy.

"Joeeeeey? You in here" Amber called into the bathroom.

"Yeah," she called weakly, as she opened the stall door.

"Good lord woman! I guess I should have made you wear water proof mascara." Amber led Joey to the bathroom sink. She pulled at the roll of paper towels – accidently pulling the roll off of the wall. "Shit I think I broke the bathroom. Crap," she muttered as she soaked the entire roll, and then brought it to Joey's face.

"I've got it Amber, thanks." Joey pushed the dripping roll of paper towels away from her and stood up. She turned to the mirror to fix her makeup as Amber pulled out a small bottle of peach schnapps. Joey gratefully took the bottle, drinking the contents as if it was water. "I hate him."

"No you don't." Amber said matter-of-factly.

"Come on… let's go dance." Joey stumbled out of the bathroom, everything blurring.

"Have you seen Amber?" Josh asked, picking up his jacket from the back of his seat. Pacey tilted his head towards the dance floor. Josh followed Pacey's line of vision to where the two girls were dancing, spinning each other around and around. "Hmmm… so you think it's about time we get the drunk girls home?"

Pacey nodded. "I think it's past that time."

Joey opened her eyes, surprised to find herself not in her bed. In fact not in a bed at all. She looked at Pacey, her eyes wide. "Where are we?"

"The bus. We're almost back to school. Go back to sleep."

Joey grinned and then plopped herself down in his lap, her fingers curling around his leg.

"You guys want to come over" Amber asked, leaning her body against the wall.

Pacey looked down at Joey, practically passed out in his arms. "I think it's time to call it a night. See you guys tomorrow." Pacey opened Joey's purse, and dug around for her keys. His hands closed around a small pill bottle. He extracted the bottle and shook his head in disgust. Diet pills. He opened the bottle and dumped the pills on the floor. There was only five left in the bottle. He opened the door and dragged her into her room.

"Jo… Jo? You gonna be okay?"

"You didn't really write it to be with me? Cuz I know you… and you just wanted it…" she slurred as she staggered to her bed.

"Joey… we're not going to talk about anything now. You're going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. And if you still want to talk in the morning then we can."

"Wait… Pace… I need you to unzip my dress." She turned her bare back to him. "Please?"

He held his breath as he walked over to her, his hands feeling large as he took hold of the dress's delicate zipper. He pulled it down several inches, just enough to accidentally catch a glimpse of her lacey underwear. She started to pull her dress off her shoulders, stopping only when Pacey laid his hands on top of her arms. "Why don't you wait until I'm gone?"

She leaned forward against him. "But Pacey," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him. "Don't you want to stay? I want you to stay. I love you."

He shook her off of him, almost in disgust. "Which is why you were supposed to go to this dance with Dawson? Which is why you are still dating Dawson. I don't know what game you're playing. But it sucks."

"There's no game Daw… Pacey."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

He walked out of her room, and closed the door solidly behind him.

Joey slowly opened her eyes, her mascara-coated eyelashes sticking to her face. Her head hurt, her arms hurt, her feet hurt. She was still wearing her dress, at least partly, and for some reason she was still wearing her shoes.

"God Pace... are you as hung over as I am?"

She slowly turned her body over to face his bed. "Pace?"

The bed was empty.


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks guys for all the feedback - it really makes my day when I get it! Keep it coming if you want more

She struggled out of her bed, pulling her dress off and wrapping her thick robe around her body. She slid her shoes off and located her flip-flops and a towel. She'd shower - and then find out what happened to Pacey.

She opened the door, the harsh light of the hallways causing her to wince. She looked down at the floor, and that's when she noticed. Her diet pills... all over the floor. She struggled to remember what had happened the night before. She felt the bile rise in the back of her throat. She had no idea what had happened. But she had a pretty good guess that she wasn't the one who had thrown her pills all over the hallway.

Amber rolled over, her eyes quickly opening, "Josh! What… what are you… what?"

Josh grinned as he opened his eyes. "Nothing happened. As enticing as you were, digging through your dirty laundry to find your Sponge Bob Squarepants pajamas and then throwing up all over the place… I managed to keep my hands to myself. I did, however, decide to stay to make sure you didn't die the glamorous death of a rock star choking on vomit. Your roomate was rather insistent that you not be left here alone, but that I better not lay a hand on you. I obeyed."

Amber looked from his grin to his eyes, and wished that just once in her life she could fall for the guy who was with her - instead of the guy who was in love with someone else.

Pacey moaned as he heard another knock on his door. This had better be good. He pulled his pajama pants on over his boxers and walked over to the door. He peered through the peephole, unable to see anything but white.

"What the hell," he muttered as he opened the door.

Joey took a deep breath as the door opened, praying Pacey would be the one to answer the door.

"Peace," she said softly, the moment she saw his face. She extended one of the lilies he had given her the night before as she precariously balanced a tray of pancakes against her knee.

"What's this Jo?" he asked gruffly, his expression inscrutable.

She swallowed loudly as she realized just how mad he must be. "Pace... I don't really remember what happened last night. But... I'm going to assume that you found the pills. And I know that I'd told you I'd never take them again. But I swear to you... this isn't like last time. I'm not out of control. I was going to throw them out right after the semi. Please don't be mad Pace. Come on... I cooked you breakfast," she begged, dramatically blinking her eyelids at him as she made puppy dog eyes.

He felt his resolve fading as his eyes met hers. He grinned slightly as he took the lily from her hand. "Do you think all it takes for me to forgive you is pancakes?"

Joey grinned sheepishly. "Is it working?"

"Hmmmm I don't know… I'll have to taste. Come on in."

Joey placed the tray on his desk, handing him a napkin as he sat down.

Pacey took his fork and looked up at her. "Aren't you joining me?"

Joey clutched at her stomach. "Last night's drinking didn't agree so well with my stomach."

Pacey looked as if he was going to say something and then shrugged, placing a smile on his face. "Oh well, more for me!"

He sliced into the pancake and then looked up at her, a wide grin on his face. "You put chocolate chips in them."

"Of course I did," Joey said softly. Their eyes met for a moment, and Joey blushed under his gaze. Just when he thought she didn't care about him at all, she managed to remember some tiny detail, like the fact that he hated pancakes except when they had chocolate chips.

He placed a large piece of pancake in his mouth and moaned as he chewed. "This is so much better then the dining hall," he mumbled in between bites. "Whatever I was mad at you for… you're forgiven. Oh… but there's a catch…"

Joey looked at him confused, her head tilted slightly. "What kind of a catch?"

"You have to come to the mall with me today."

"Woah… wait a minute… are you voluntarily going to the mall?" Joey asked sliding into the empty seat next to Pacey.

"Not exactly voluntarily, but I need to get Christmas presents for my sisters, and I certainly don't want to do it alone."

"I'm your girl," Joey grinned.

He smiled tightly. She was anything but his girl. And he had neglected to tell her why he was really upset. But it didn't really matter, he'd already forgiven her.

"No… no… we are not getting her that."

"What about me? Maybe we should get it for me?" Joey pleaded as she admired herself in the mirror.

"Sorry Jo, two hundred dollars isn't in my budget, even for you."

Joey felt herself smile as she removed the leather jacket. She slipped her hand through his arm, the movement so natural she didn't even realize she was doing it.

"So what's for lunch?" Pacey asked rubbing his belly.

"You've got to be kidding me. You ate all those pancakes this morning… and then that pretzel…"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know why you seem so surprised. Friendy's?" He asked as they passed the restaurant.

"Well… I suppose," Joey said softly, the thought of eating sending waves of panic throughout her body. She still hadn't had a chance to exercise away all the calories from all the alcohol.

"Remember that time with you me and Dawson, and you ordered the Friendly Frank from Frank the waiter and thought it was hysterical" Pacey asked as they slid into the booth.

Joey smiled as she opened her menu. "And then Dawson got all pissed off cuz he thought I was flirting with the waiter when I asked for it."

"You were flirting!" Pacey exclaimed.

Joey laughed. "What do you want? He was hot and I was 12!"

Pacey grinned. "I knew it! So what are we getting? Two Friendly Franks?"

Joey felt her head nodding, unable to find the words to explain to him that she couldn't possibly eat 240 calories and 14.5 grams of fat.

Pacey picked up his hotdog. "Yum… Frank."

Joey looked down at her hotdog. She slowly picked it up, feeling Pacey's eyes on her as she did so. She placed a tiny corner of the bun in her mouth and chewed slowly.

"Pace… my stomach still isn't feeling well from last night. I think I should just stick to water."

His eyes darkened as he lifted the hotdog off of her plate. He jammed half the hotdog in his mouth, chewing quickly. He tossed the remainder on his plate.

"Let's get out of here." He headed towards the cash register. She blinked back the tears she felt in her eyes and chased after him.

"Pacey… I really don't feel good. You saw how much I drank last night."

He handed his money to the cashier, and then turned to look at Joey. "Who are you trying to convince? Me? Or yourself?"

"Pacey, stop." she pleaded.

"This isn't like last time... I swear," he mimicked. He took his change and shoved it into his jeans pocket. "It sure feels a lot like last time. I'm ready to get out of here. What about you?"

Without waiting for an answer, he started heading towards the exit.

"So what are you doing tonight?" Joey asked as they pulled into the dorm parking lot.

"Probably studying. We've got those two finals on Monday, and then I have computer literacy on Tuesday. And everything else is essays."

"I should probably study too."

"So I guess I'll see you in class on Monday," Pacey said tonelessly.

A small sound escaped her lips as she looked at him. She hadn't been prepared for him to be so dismissive of her. "Okay… Monday."

"Joey, I'm so sorry about last night. I was really hoping I'd be able to get away in time to make it. Which is why I didn't call. I know last night was important to you."

"That's okay Dawson," Joey said quietly. Surprised to find that she wasn't angry with him at all. In fact, she was glad she'd gone with Pacey and not Dawson.

"So you forgive me?"

"Yeah I forgive you," she didn't recognize the voice that spoke to him.

"Tell you what... how about I come up to see you before I go out. Okay?"

"Sounds good. All I'm doing tonight is studying, studying and more studying."

"I probably should try that studying thing at some point. Gotta go Jo... see ya in a few. I love you."

"I love you too."

She placed the phone in it's cradle, and wiped away the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey Joey, wait up!" Amber yelled, breaking into a light jog to catch up with Joey.

Joey broke her quick stride and turned around. "Oh hey Amber."

"How glad am I that that's over?" Amber exclaimed. "So where the hell have you been hiding the last couple days?"

Joey shrugged as they rounded the corner. Amber started walking over to the elevator, pausing when she saw that Joey was headed toward the stairs.

"I suppose the exercise will do me some good," Amber muttered as she started up the stairs after Joey.

"You all done with finals?" Joey asked as Amber struggled to keep up with Joey on the stairs.

"Yup that was the last. You?"

"Yes ma'am. And thank God! I'm so sick of studying!"

Joey adjusted her backpack as she opened the door to the floor. Amber struggled to keep her breath as she followed behind her.

"So you heading home tonight or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow afternoon I guess."

"Good... because I've got a bunch of people coming over and room full of alcohol and you need to be there."

As they rounded the corner to their rooms, Joey reached into her pocket and pulled out her keys. "Maybe I'll drop by later tonight. I'm doing dinner with Dawson tonight. Oh that reminds me... I have a question for you..."

"What?" Amber asked hesitantly as Joey opened her door.

"Just a sec. Come in."

Amber felt her heart pounding as the Joey closed the door behind her. Did she know?

"Sit," Joey commanded as she sat down on her bed. Amber took the seat by Joey's desk, her mouth so dry she could barely speak.

"What's up Joey?"

"Did... did it hurt your first time?" Joey asked softly.

"What?" Amber asked, her mind reeling. This conversation was worse than Joey knowing. Much worse.

"You're first time... how much did it hurt?"

"Joey... you're not going to... Wait... with Pacey or with Dawson?"

"Jesus Amber! Dawson of course! I just... I feel so distant from him. Like I don't even know him anymore. I feel like I've spent this whole semester trying to get back to where we were... and I just can't."

"Maybe you just can't get back there? Sex doesn't fix things. In fact sometimes it does the complete opposite." Amber stated matter-o-factly. Struggling to block the images of Dawson's face, sweaty above hers.

"What if sex is what broke it? He still sees me as that timid girl who was scared to put out. I don't want him to see me that way anymore."

"Joey," Amber said gently. "This isn't something you should do for any other reason than wanting to actually have sex with him. Do you actually want to have sex with him? Because from where I stand there's someone else that I think you should be looking at."

Joey looked pained as she struggled not to think of Pacey. "There is nothing there with me and Pacey. He couldn't make that more clear. I just want things to be the way they were."

Amber sighed, there was no reasoning with Joey. "Yes, it hurt. Not a lot. More then pulling off a band-aid off, less then getting punched in the face. The more you want it, the less it will hurt, if you catch my drift. And I want full details - ya ho!" Amber struggled to keep her tone light, her stomach churning.

"Thanks Amber, I appreciate it. I think I've kinda missed out on this whole girlfriend experience growing up. My two best friends were Dawson and Pacey. Neither one a good person to talk to about these things."

"Joey... there's something I need to tell you..." Amber began, the words sticking to her mouth. "I..." she turned and looked at the phone as it rang.

"Just a sec Amber," Joey grinned as she picked up the receiver. "Oh hey Dawson. Yup I can be ready by five. Okay I'll see you then. I love you."

Joey hung the phone up, a panicked look on her face. "Crap - I've only got 20 minutes to get ready. Crap. What am I going to wear? I have to shower. Crap." Joey frantically ran around her room, grabbing her shower supplies and her robe.

"Amber, I'll come by when I get back tonight to give you details... okay?" Joey asked as Amber stood up and made her way to the door.

"Okay Joey," Amber said tightly.

"Oh... what were you going to tell me?" Joey asked as she opened the door.

Amber slowly met Joey's eyes. "Eh... just that you should make sure your condoms is lubricated... it might make things a little easier."

Joey smiled. "Thanks Amber. Wish me luck."

"Luck Joey," Amber said softly, watching as Joey quickly flip-flopped her way to the bathroom.


	18. Chapter 18

Thanks for the reviews - please keep them coming!

"Amber... good timing. I just got back. That final was hell! What's up?" Pacey asked opening his door.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, come on in."

Amber entered Pacey's room, her nose wrinkling. "Pace... it stinks in here."

"I think I've become immune to it. You want to go to your room?"

"Nah.. I'll deal. I just... how come you never told Joey?"

"Told Joey what?" Pacey asked, settling himself down on his bed.

"About me and Dawson? Or at least about Dawson?"

"Well the first one, obviously I would never tell Joey about you and Dawson. You're my friend, and you're her friend. It's your place to tell her, not mine. And second... let me explain to you how it would play out. I tell Joey he's cheating on her. She doesn't believe me, because of course Dawson can do no wrong. Just in case I'm wrong, she asks Dawson, of course mentioning that I'm the one who told her. Dawson then comes to confront me. We inevitably fight. I kick his ass of course. She gets mad at me for hurting her precious Dawson, and in the end... neither of them are speaking to me."

"Pacey, you can't honestly believe that she'd throw away your friendship like that?"

"I've seen her throw it away for less."

"What do you think she'd do if I told her?"

Pacey shrugged his shoulders as he met her eyes. "I'm not sure Amber."

"Cuz I think I have to. She's somehow become one of my closest friends, and it's killing me that I haven't told her."

"So tell her," Pacey said firmly. His mind on overload as he wondered what Joey would do. Would she believe it? Would it change anything?

"I tried. I couldn't find the words."

"I don't know what to tell you Amber. Maybe she'll find out on her own?" he suggested.

"She seems a little thick in that department," Amber said softly.

"Tell me about it," Pacey muttered.

"I'm going to do it. Right now." Amber stood up, determined.

"Let me know how it goes," Pacey said as nonchalantly as he could muster.

'Joey I slept with Dawson'

'Joey... I don't know how to tell you this but I slept with Dawson'

'Joey... Dawson isn't as great as he seems'

'Joey... Dawson isn't very well endowed'

Amber smiled at the last one as she rounded the corner. And that's when she saw him. Dawson. Sitting down in front of Joey's door.

"Dawson," she said softly.

"Oh hey Amber. You don't know where Joey is do you?" he asked casually.

Amber resisted the urge to kick him in the balls as she shrugged. "I think she's still in the shower. You're early."

"Yeah I know. There's a big kegger at the house tonight, so I wanted to get dinner out of the way as early as possible. Would you mind going to get her for me?" Dawson asked, his voice slick with forced charm.

"Yeah actually I would." Amber said tightly, opening her door as Dawson stood up behind her. She walked into her room, and attempted to close the door behind her. The door bounced off of Dawson's foot and flew open.

"What's your problem Amber?" Dawson asked angrily.

Amber's eyes widened at his unexpected anger. She cleared her throat, and attempted to sound confident. "You, Dawson, my problem is you."

"Oh that's rich. And what exactly have I done to you? Because I don't seem to recall hearing any complaints."

"You never do anything to anyone Dawson do you? It must be so nice to be as perfect as you. Maybe I should just bow down before you?"

"Amber..." Dawson began, his eyes cold as he regarded her.

"Dawson.. Amber... what's going on guys?" Joey asked, a strange expression on her face as she tightened her thick robe around her.

Dawson spread a large grin across his face. "Amber was yelling at me for being early. Take your time getting ready Joey. I'll wait out here."

"I'll be quick Dawson. Give me five minutes." She kissed him on the cheek and disappeared into the room.

Amber watched as Dawson sat back down on the floor, an angelic look on his face. She shook her head. "See ya Dawson." She slammed the door with a solid thud behind her.

She sank down onto the floor, wondering why Dawson got under her skin so much, and how Joey could be so blind.

"Joey, I don't understand why you want to see my room. I've barely been in it since the semester started. Come on - let's just go eat."

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "I just want to see it, if you don't want to show me, that's fine."

Her hurt tone did not go unnoticed. Dawson sighed, "Fine, I'll show you the room really quickly. But after dinner. Okay?"

Joey grinned. Perhaps he did want to be alone with her after all.

"I gather she didn't take it well," Pacey said, opening the door to Amber's tear-stained face.

"I didn't get to tell her - Dawson showed up."

"Ahhh... so... what's wrong?"

Amber sighed as she walked into Pacey's room. "He just kinda... scared me..."

"What did he do to you?" Pacey asked tightly.

"Nothing... nothing really. I just... I'd be scared of what he'd do to me if I told her."

"If that bastard laid one hand on you..."

"Pacey, he didn't. Okay? Is it time to start drinking yet?"

Pacey shook his head, attempting to clear the anger. "Amber, are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Pacey. I'm sure. I just want to forget all about our little 90210 drama for a little while and get drunk. Are you going to join me or not?" Amber opened the door, holding it wide open next to her.

"Yeah… I think I'm ready to go get drunk. It's either that or go kick the shit out of Dawson."

"Don't temp me," Amber muttered as they exited the room.

"So that's it. Nothing exciting. You ready to head back to your dorm?"

Joey turned to him, swallowing loudly. "Dawson… don't you… don't you wonder what we're waiting for?"

"You. We're waiting for you to stop looking at my room. Remember?"

She shook her head, "That's not what I meant Dawson." She slowly brought her trembling hands to her shirt and removed it in one fluid motion. She stood before him, her slender torso wrapped in nothing but a thin strip of lace.

"Joey," he said gently, taking her shirt from her hands. "Put your shirt back on. This isn't you… this isn't us."

She stood, pained and immobile for a moment. Not sure she'd heard him correctly. The room was silent as she stared at him. "You're serious," she said softly. She grabbed her shirt back from him, angrily shoving her head back into it. "So what… you can fuck someone you don't give a shit about – but not me?"

He shook his head, feeling sad. "Joey, come on. It's been a stressful week. I just don't want it to be like this. Okay?"

She nodded her head, wiping away the tears rolling down her face. "I guess I'm ready to go home then."

"I'm sorry Jo," Dawson said helplessly. He longed to put his arms around her. For things just once to feel the way they used to. Instead he casually tossed his jacket on, and pretended like he didn't care.


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks everyone for the reviews! Can't wait to hear what everyone has to say about this one ;)

"Joey!" Amber screamed as Joey entered the room. She slid over from her seat next to Pacey, leaving Joey room in-between.

Joey lowered her body to the floor next to Amber, grateful for the darkness to hide her swollen eyes. "So what are we drinking tonight?"

She pretended not to notice as Pacey looked away from her.

"So here's the next game. I'll say something like 'I've Never mowed the lawn' and if you have mowed the lawn then you have to drink. Any questions?" Amber asked, looking around the circle of people.

"I don't get it," Joey whined, polishing off her drink and looking around for another one.

"You'll catch on," Pacey said gently, the first words he had spoken to her all night. Of course by this point he'd had so much to drink that he'd almost forgotten he was mad at her.

"So I'll start," Amber said, handing Joey a drink and placing one in front of herself. "Everyone got plenty to drink? Okay… I'll start with an easy one. I've never been drunk."

Everyone took a drink, and Amber turned to Joey. "You're next."

"Hmmm… I've never failed a test."

Everyone took a drink. Pacey grinned. "I've never had an orgasm."

He watched closely as Joey met his eyes, and then she took a nice long drink.

"I've never had sex," Josh exclaimed, taking a great big drink along with the rest of the group. Everyone except Joey.

"I've never had sex outdoors."

"I've never been caught by my parents having sex."

"I've never slept with two people in the same day."

Joey carefully watched Pacey; when he drank, when he didn't. This game was better than a diary. So far she knew that he'd had sex outdoors, his parents had never caught him in bed and he'd never slept with two people in the same day. Throughout the game his leg was firmly pressed against hers, his hand brushing her leg as he reached to take yet another drink.

Amber grinned as she glanced up at Joey. "I've never worn thong underwear."

Joey took a nice long drink, figuring it might be a while before she drank again. She giggled as she noticed not only she and Amber drank, but Josh and Todd did as well.

"Hmmm, I'm not going to ask… no wait… I have to. I've never worn girl's thong underwear."

She and Amber both had to laugh as Josh and Todd drank again. Josh's eyes met Amber's, and she grinned widely at him. "I've got a pair you might like, Josh," Amber teased, sticking her tongue out at him.

Pacey glanced over at Joey, pressing his leg against hers. The motion alone causing her entire body to tingle. "Okay… ready? I've never pleasured myself."

Joey's mouth dropped open slightly, as she turned towards Pacey, a gleam in her eyes. She took the drink and tilted it back, drinking several gulps. Pacey put down his beer, swallowing thickly, amazed as he stared at Joey.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not all Ice Queen," she whispered softly, her hand gently touching his leg as she put her drink on the floor.

"Speaking of ice… you look like you need some more ice, Jo. Is there any in your room?"

"Huh?" she asked, meeting his eyes and swallowing. There was only one thing she could see them at that moment. Desire. "Oh yeah… ice.."

He grabbed her keys, frustrated as he fumbled with her lock, frustrated, until finally it opened. The moment the door closed behind them, his lips were on hers. "Oh God Jo… you have to stop me… I have no will power right now…" He pressed his weight against her, stumbling slightly as he did so.

"How drunk are you Pacey?"

His hands skimmed her sides as he met her eyes. "Drunk enough to not care that this is wrong."

"It doesn't have to be wrong, Pace," she said softly, pulling him toward the bed. She climbed onto the bed; her breath catching in her throat as his eyes hungrily surveyed her body. He lowered his body onto hers, kissing her everywhere. He moved his lips to her neck interchangeably sucking gently and then tugging at her skin with his teeth.

"Oh God Pacey," she moaned, not even recognizing the voice that spoke. This was it. This was what it was supposed to feel like. This was passion and lust. A heat she had never felt before spread throughout her body. She raised her arms to allow him to remove her shirt as if it was a natural motion for her. Without hesitation, she slowly slid her bra away from her body. He moaned slightly as he brought his lips to her breast.

"Jo… Jo… we need to stop," he mumbled against her breast, the entire room spinning.

"No Pace… it's okay… I want this."

She reached her hands out, fumbling with the button and zipper of his pants as her hands shook slightly. Sliding his jeans down as far as she could, her eyes watched him intently, her tongue darting out to brush her bottom lip as he pulled back from her, removing them the rest of the way before tossing them carelessly to the ground.

He returned his lips to her neck, concentrating on the sound of her labored breathing as he gently sucked. "Jo…"

She inhaled sharply, her stomach muscles tensing and then relaxing as she felt his hands sliding her skirt up, his fingers curling around the strings of her underwear.

"They untie," she said, her voice husky.

He groaned as he untied the little bows she had tied loosely, never once wondering why she was wearing such easily removable underwear. She brought her lips to his, furiously kissing him. His hips thrust against her, despite his best attempts to just lay next to her. He felt her warmth envelop him, a soft cry escaping her lips.

"Oh fuck," he quickly pulled himself from her.

"No Pacey… just… get a condom."

He turned to her, shaking his head, his eyes angry as he attempted to focus. "You're telling me you waited this long to lose your virginity…" His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, his eyes narrowing on her. "To waste it on this?"

"It's not a waste Pacey. I… Pacey.. I love you," her body felt cold as he rolled off the bed, picking his pants up.

"I'm getting a little sick of this routine Joey. I'm not someone you can use when it suits you. Someone you can have some fun with when you're drunk."

"I know that Pacey.. I do," she said desperately. Sitting up on the bed as she wrapped her sheet around her, "This just felt so right."

"Nothing about tonight is right Joey. This shouldn't have happened… I shouldn't have let it happen," he sighed frustrated. He pulled his pants on, grabbed his shirt, his head pounding as he left the room without looking back.

He headed towards his room, feeling like he was going to throw up. Feeling used. Feeling like he'd just come too close to something he'd been fantasizing about forever. And even worse, he'd discovered it was far more incredible than he could have ever imagined. He just wanted to crawl into bed and forget the whole night ever happened. Just as long as he didn't run into…

"Pacey?"

"Hey Amber," he said, noticing that he hadn't even bothered to button up his pants.

"I guess I don't need to ask where you disappeared to. Thanks for coming to my party, Pacey," she said sarcastically.

"Amber, I'm sorry.. I just.. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Gee, I wonder. Don't worry Pacey. I'm used to this."

She spun around, and stomped away. Pacey took a step after her, and stumbled against the wall. Maybe he'd lay down for just a couple of minutes until the room stopped spinning, and then he'd go patch things up with Amber.

"Pace… you in there?" Dawson hollered, after knocking unsuccessfully several times. Pacey moaned as he slowly made his way to the door.

"What's up D?" he asked, blinking his eyes against the harsh light of the hallway.

"I need to talk. Do you have some time?"

Pacey rose his eyes to meet Dawson's, wondering if he had any idea about what had happened the night before. He was wearing a stricken look on his face Pacey didn't think he'd ever seen before.

"Yeah… I have time."

Joey stared at the TV as she furiously flipped through television stations, not even noticing what was on each one. She'd been awake for several hours, the events from the night before continuously running through her head. Events she couldn't come close to processing due to her lack of sleep and the fact that she was extremely hungover.

"I'm an ass," Dawson said settling himself down on Pacey's bed. "A total ass."

"Tell me something I don't know," Pacey said, tossing Dawson a slight grin.

"Joey asked me to sleep with her last night. She begged me to see my room and then when we got there... She took off her shirt." Dawson said, hanging his head slightly.

Pacey froze, his heart rate quickening. "She did what?" he asked hoarsely, his throat suddenly very dry.

"Yeah I was pretty shocked too. I mean… how long did I beg her and beg her…. And now… when I've completely given up… there she was. Standing there in this tiny lace bra"

Pacey closed his eyes, trying to block the image of Joey naked underneath him. "And then what?"

"I told her to get dressed and I took her home. And went to my party. And all I could think about was her. All night. She deserves better… and I know you've been saying that all along. But I guess it took this for me to realize."

"To realize what Dawson?" Pacey asked tightly, afraid to meet his eyes.

"I love her. It's always been her. I don't know what I was thinking."

"So what are you waiting for Romeo?" Pacey asked tightly. "Go get her…"

Dawson smiled at Pacey. "Thanks for listening… I know I haven't always been… you know… but… thanks…"

Joey tied her running sneakers, her fingers trembling slightly as she did so. What had she done? She had almost slept with Pacey. In fact she would have slept with him, if he hadn't stopped things. Oh God.

She pulled her hair back into a pony tail and was about to grab her toothbrush to head to the bathroom when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it cautiously, not sure who would be standing there.

"Dawson… what are you doing here?"

"Joey… last night… I was a jerk… and I'm sorry… things can be different. I love you… and I want…. What's that on your neck?"

Joey shot him a confused look as she walked over to the mirror, Dawson following behind her. She looked at her reflection and froze. On her neck were not one, but several large hickeys.

She timidly met Dawson's eyes. "Dawson… I…."

"You've got to be kidding me. Here I've been feeling so guilty for cheating on you… and you've been doing the same. Who is it Joey? Are you fucking him? What, I didn't give you what you wanted so you went looking for it elsewhere? Which is it Joey?"

Joey closed her eyes, trying to block out his angry screams.

"You don't have anything you want to say for yourself? Well I have something to say. It's over. It's fucking over."

Joey mutely nodded her head, not opening her eyes. When she finally did, he was gone.

"Hey Pace… you going for a jog?" Joey asked as they both arrived at the staircase the same time. Pacey nodded, to angry to speak.

"Did you want to join me?" Joey asked, hoping her eyes didn't show how much she had just been crying.

Pacey shook his head, busying himself with tying his laces.

"So what… you just never going to speak to me again?"

"Pacey?"

"Listen," she began ducking down to be at his height as he continued playing with his laces. "Things are over with Dawson. And what I said last night… I meant it. I really did."

"Which is why you went from propositioning him to propositioning me?" Pacey asked, looking at her, his eyes furious. "Which is why, if he had wanted, you would have fucked him last night. I'm so sick of your bullshit Jo."

"What?" She asked, her ears suddenly pounding.

"Oh yes, I had a lovely chat with your boyfriend this morning. About you begging to go to his room. You disrobing and showing him your black lace set. It was a beautiful story really. I laughed, I cried" he said lightly. Only his eyes told her just how hurt he was.

"Pacey… I…"

"Come on Joey… tell me… I'd love to hear it. I'm all ears."

"It's just… I… I just..."

"I've got better things to do," Pacey muttered, angrily pushing his way through the staircase doors and thudding quickly down them.

Joey watched his retreating form, and then sank to the floor.


	20. Chapter 20

Um - you guys are awesome! So appreciate all the reviews. I'm desperately in need of a beta - so if anyone reading is interested please send me a pm! PS - I just realized when I paste my story in here it's stripping out my ** that I use to separate scenes so everything is kinda a jumbled mess - will see what I can do about making it clearer. (Okay it's allowing me to use 88 to separate so I'm trying that...)

88

"Joey… are you okay?" Amber asked, opening her door to see tears streaming down Joey's face.

Joey shrugged as she entered Amber's room and plopped herself down on her bed. "I fucked everything up."

"Yeah… what happened last night… and where did you get those hickeys?" Amber asked, as she sat on the bed next to Joey.

"I'm such a fuck up."

"Pity party later, gossip now," Amber said, passing Joey a tissue.

"I… I asked Dawson to sleep with me last night. He didn't want to. And then Pacey and I... we..."

"You what?" Amber asked, unsure of the answer she was hoping to hear.

"We almost did… I mean maybe we technically did... he was in me for a minute... and then… he freaked… and left… and… he knows about me and Dawson. Dawson told him," she said in between sobs.

"Oh fuck," Amber muttered, handing Joey another tissue.

"Exactly. So I was hoping… if you don't mind, can you give me a ride home?"

"What? You don't want to drive home with Dawson or Pacey?" Amber grinned. "Yeah I'll give you a ride home. Can you be ready to leave this afternoon though?"

Joey nodded. "Thanks Amber, I really appreciate this."

"That's what friends are for."

"Crap," Joey muttered as Amber pulled up to her driveway.

"Wha… oh… crap," Amber said as her gaze fixed on Dawson, sitting on the steps of Joey's house.

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "I really don't know what to tell him. I'll call you and let you know how it all goes. And Amber…. Thanks."

Amber flashed Joey a wide grin, wondering how it was possible that she'd been able to tell Joey everything but one simple sentence the entire car ride. "Talk to you soon Jo. And good luck."

She watched as Joey got out of the car and lightly closed the door behind her. And knew, as she watched Joey stride across the lawn towards Dawson, that she should have told her what happened.

Joey took several hesitant steps towards Dawson, before it became apparent to her that Dawson had been crying. Or at least wanted her to think he had been crying.

"Dawson," she said softly, her anger melting.

"Joey… I'm so sorry… we can work this out… I was curious… you were curious… I can forgive you for that, if you can forgive me." His face looked pained as he kicked at the light layer of snow covering the ground.

"I can forgive you Dawson. You're someone who's been in my life in a long time. And I'd like you to stay in my life." She met his eyes with confidence she didn't know she had as she spoke. "As a friend."

He swallowed audibly as he broke their eye contact. "Amber told you?"

"Told me what Dawson?" Joey asked softly.

"So I fucked her. It doesn't mean I don't love you. Because I do… you are the most important thing in my life. Amber meant nothing."

"You… you slept with Amber?" Joey asked, the words sticking to her mouth as she spoke. Feeling slightly dizzy as images of Dawson and Amber talking to each other flashed before her. How could she not have noticed? How could Amber have listened to everything over the last couple months… and never once told her?

Dawson sneered. "I guess you two weren't as good of friends as I thought."

"Dawson, I really want you to leave now," Joey's heart ached as she realized that she was alone. She had no one.

"But Jo… I can change…." Dawson pleaded, his face the picture of sincerity.

"I can't."

"This isn't about the hickeys… is it? Who was it Joey?"

"It doesn't really matter."

Dawson suddenly laughed. A loud pained laugh. And for a brief moment she thought he knew who it was. "You're in love with this guy."

She hated how well he knew her. She'd always hated it. She'd always loved it. She allowed her tear-filled eyes to answer his question.

"You're fucking in love with someone else? I've been beating myself up for the last couple months, feeling so guilty every time I slept with someone else… and you've been in love?" He asked angrily, and then his expression softened. "You could have told me Joey… "

She nodded, sniffling as she fought the tears. "Dawson.. I never meant for it to happen. I didn't realize it until it was too late. It's over now. It never really began. But I think.. I think this is all for the best.. I think I just really need to be on my own for a while. And Dawson, if you'd really been happy with me, there wouldn't have been anyone else."

Dawson nodded, his heart aching slightly as he pulled her into his arms. A move he'd been doing since they were kids. A move he'd intended to do for the rest of his life. "He doesn't know what he's missing," he said softly. "And I guess I didn't know what I had. If only…"

"If only," she said softly. She pulled away from his hug, and smiled softly at him. "I'll see you around Dawson."

Dawson opened his mouth to speak, but closed it. Realizing that if he said anything, he might cry. He watched her walk into the house, her tiny body lugging her heavy bag. He wanted to help her. He wanted to apologize for everything. He wanted to be a better person.

Instead he went and got a beer.

88

"Duuuuuuuuuuude," Dawson slurred into the phone.

"Dawson?" Pacey asked, holding the phone away from his ear as he heard Dawson yelling. "Where are you? Are you drunk?"

"Fucking Applebees… Dude… I need to talk… everything is so fucked up."

"What happened?"

"She's in love with someone else."

"Where are you D? I'll be right there."

88

"Joey! Will you pick up already? I want to hear how everything went!" Amber whined into the phone.

Joey reached over the phone, picking it up before she could stop herself. "And why is that Amber? You want to know if he's available?"

"Joey? What? What are you talking about?"

"Fuck you. How could you just sit there and listen, when all the while you were fucking him? How could you even pretend to be my friend?"

"He told you," Amber said softly. "Joey?"

Joey was silent, as she twirled the phone cord around her finger.

"Joey, I wanted to tell you… so many times."

"And did Pacey know?" Joey asked quietly, her voice quivering slightly.

"Yeah Jo, he did."

Joey closed her eyes to stop the tears as she placed the phone down.

88

"So what happened?" Pacey asked, sliding in the bar stool next to Dawson. "And who is serving you – cuz I could go for a beer."

Dawson waved at a pretty blonde behind the bar and pointed towards his drink and then Pacey. "It's on its way."

"So Dawson… I'm here… talk…" Pacey said, taking the beer placed in front of him.

Dawson looked up from the beer label he was peeling. "I went by… to you know… talk to her. And I… she didn't want… there's someone else… someone she's apparently in love with. How could I have been so blind? She actually broke up with me! I don't understand"

Pacey swallowed his beer slowly, trying to provide the appropriate reaction. "Dawson, I'm sure she's just been lonely and…"

"Who is it Pacey?" Dawson asked, leaning forward, his gaze intense.

Pacey focused all of his attention on his beer as he shrugged. "I don't know Dawson."

"You should've seen these hickeys she had. It reminded me of that time when you were dating…" Dawson stopped, his face frozen momentarily.

Pacey looked up to meet knowing eyes.

"It was you." Dawson stated confidently, his jaw quivering in anger. "It was you this whole fucking time."

Pacey shrugged his shoulders, once again turning his attention to his beer.

"You have nothing to say? Pacey… you're my best friend."

"I'm pretty sure you have no idea what the term best friend means Dawson." Pacey sneered.

He looked at Dawson moments before Dawson's fist connected with his face. He struggled to breathe as his body hit the grungy floor. Dawson pulled him to his feet, narrowly missing Pacey's face as he blindly swung.

"I fucking loved her. If you did this just to get back at me… I fucking loved her"

Pacey squarely hit his jaw, surprising himself with the rage he felt. "So did I Dawson. So did I. This wasn't about you. For once something wasn't about you."

Dawson laughed as Pacey turned away. "If it wasn't about me… then why the hell are you here with me and not her?"

"This isn't a fucking contest. You've tried to make it one, but it isn't. I'm not with her through my choice. I'm pretty sure if she was in love with me, she wouldn't have gone from attempting to have sex with you to attempting to have sex with me. I'm done with her." Pacey looked into the eyes of someone who used to be his best friend, expecting to see the anger he'd seen only moments before.

"Then you're a fool Pacey. She obviously has feelings. I have no idea what prompted her to attempt things with me that night, but I can almost guarantee you it had more to do with her feelings for you than her feelings for me. I'll see you around."

Pacey shrugged at the bartender as he took his seat back at the bar, finishing not only his beer, but Dawson's as well.

88

"Are you drunk?" Gale Leary asked observing her son, sitting with his head on the table.

Dawson raised his head. "A little."

Gale shook her head. "Dawson… we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. I was counting on your help."

"And you'll have it," Dawson said quietly, wondering when his mother had started to look so old and tired.

"Have you talked to Joey about what time they'll be over tomorrow?" Gale asked, as she flipped the switch on the coffee maker.

Dawson winced as he looked at the floor. "I don't know if they'll be coming over tomorrow."

"What are you talking about? Why wouldn't they come over?"

Dawson shrugged his shoulders, struggling to keep back his tears. "She broke up with me. It's over between us."

"Oh Dawson," Gale muttered. She walked over to him, sitting down in the seat next to him. She reached out a hand and placed it on his shoulder. "What happened?"

"I neglected her. And while I was neglected her, she was falling in love with Pacey."

"Pacey?" Gale gasped. "How could he? How could she? Pacey's a little shit… he always has been."

Dawson shook his head as he looked sadly at his mother. "No he hasn't been. This would be so much easier if he was."

"So you're not going to fight for her?" Gale asked, hearing the desperation in her voice. "Dawson, the Potters have been in our lives for so long. Pacey is no competition for you. The two of you are soul mates. You can't just walk away from that."

Dawson stood up, his face and heart aching. "You know what mom, I'm sorry this fucks up your little social circle. But maybe for once… you could worry about me?"

"Dawson, don't use that kind of language in front of me. Why don't you go to your room. I'll talk to the Mike in the morning. I'm sure that they'll still be coming over."

Dawson nodded his head, wondering if anything would ever seem right again.

88

"What do you mean you're not going over to the Leery's tomorrow?" Mike Potter asked his daughter as she wrapped the present in front of her.

"Dad… please… I really don't want to go into it." She turned her attention to smoothing the paper over the corners of the box she was wrapping.

"What reason could you possibly have for not wanting to spend Christmas eve with your family and your boyfriend's family?"

"He's not my boyfriend," she said softly.

"What? Why not? Joey! What happened?"

"It doesn't really matter Dad. What happened happened, and nothing can change it."

"But Joey, the two of you have something really special. You've known eachother since you were in diapers. Something that special doesn't just end. You got past what happened last summer. You can get past anything. You still love him." Mike said, his voice angry and gruff.

"No Dad… I don't. There's someone else." She pressed the tape along the seam of the paper as she spoke, never once looking at her father.

"Oh Joey. Where was Pacey while this was all happening?"

Joey swallowed as she finally looked up to meet her father's eyes. "He was busy being the person I was falling in love with."

"No," her father said flatly, his face determined. "Joey no. You know my feelings on him. He's not what you want for yourself. Dawson Leery has always been your way of becoming more. His family has money. They have influence. With him in your life you can go places. Why would you trade all of that for a screw up like Pacey?"

"Dad, after everything he did for me, how can you still see him as a screw up?"

Her father sighed. "I know he's been a good friend to you. But his family..."

She shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't matter. It's over with Pacey. It's over with Dawson. I'm alone now. And I need you to be okay with that. And please, nothing about mom. I know what she wanted."

Mike sighed. "Sorry, kiddo. It's just a bit of a shock. We'll get through this."

88

"Pacey… Pacey if you're there, please pick up. Pace? This is the last time I'm calling, so if you have anything to say to me… "

He glanced at the phone, his body frozen as her voice filled the room. What was there to say to her? What could she possibly have to say that had any relevance? So she and Dawson were over, that didn't change anything. So she told Dawson she was in love. She obviously doesn't know the meaning of the word. But what if she did? He reached over to pick up the phone, but was greeted by the dial tone.

She placed the phone in the hook. From her window, she watched her father walking through the snow towards the car. He glanced back at her, shaking his head. And then it was over. The part she had feared worse than breaking up with Dawson, was telling her dad.

88

"Joey?"

His familiar voice suddenly sounded foreign as she opened the door to him. "Dawson?"

She could tell he'd been crying, and his face was oddly somber.

"I know I shouldn't be here. Nothing seems right anymore. And my parents are so upset."

"My dad too," she said softly. "And I feel like I'm somehow betraying my mom. You know the whole moms were planning our wedding while they were still in prenatal yoga together bull. The first thing my dad said when you and I started dating is that my mom would have been so happy."

"Your mom wouldn't have been so happy if she'd seen what a dick I became. You know all she wanted was for you to be happy. And you sure weren't happy with me."

She nodded, wiping away the tears rolling down her face.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay." He reached out to smooth her hair away from her face.

"I will be Dawson," she said confidently.

He held her tightly, closing his eyes as he felt her arms around him.

He wanted to scream at her for betraying him. For falling in love with his best friend. He wanted to tell her that Pacey loved her. But he said nothing.

88

"I love you Joey. You know that right?"

She smiled up at her father. "I know Dad. It won't be that long. And I'll have access to email – so that means you'll finally have to join the 21st century, okay?"

Mike placed Joey's large suitcase and small carry on into the trunk and closed the door.

Mike hugged her tightly. "Maybe I'll even get a computer. Now don't worry about anything, and try to have fun on your trip."

"Thanks Dad."


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks for the feedback everyone! Once again - if anyone wants to beta - please pm me! Please keep the reviews coming. Even though you may not like me for a while..

88

"Hello?"

"Hey Pace," Amber said, amazed at how much she'd missed his voice after only a couple of days.

"Amber hey! How was your Christmas?"

"Kinda sucked ass. Yours?"

"About the same."

Silence filled the phone as both attempted to figure out what they wanted to say.

"She knows," Amber said softly.

"Who knows what?"

"She knows about me and Dawson, she knows that you know. She hates me. She hates you. God Pace... I should have been the one to tell her."

Pacey took a deep breath, settling down on his bed. "You didn't tell her?"

"He did. Dawson. He did the honest thing. While I was the schmuck who couldn't tell her the truth."

Pacey shook his head, a dull headache forming.

"Yeah Dawson found out that I was with her that night."

"Oh God, how did that go?"

"Other than the black eye?"

"Oh Pacey!"

"Yeah.." he said awkwardly. He took a deep breath in attempt to compose himself. "So, are you bored to death yet? You feel like catching a movie later?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

88

Dawson looked down at the address he had jotted down on a piece of paper and up again at the mailbox. Her parent's house was exactly what he had expected, one of those large McMansion type houses with a porch that extended the entire length of the front. He pulled into the driveway. Realizing that this was the point of no return, he slowly reaching his index finger out and pressed the doorbell.

88

"Dawson? What are you doing here?" Amber asked, closing her door behind her as she stepped out onto the porch.

"I don't know," he said softly, wearing a serious look.

"You okay?" Amber asked cautiously.

"I owe you an apology," he said, sitting down on the top step.

She sat down next to him, leaving a large amount of space between her body and his. "Dawson, I'm a big girl. I knew what you were all about."

He smiled as he turned to look at her. "That's actually not what this apology is about. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry if I took advantage of you."

She shrugged her shoulders. "So you're not here about me. You're here about Joey. Is anything ever not about her?"

Dawson smiled slightly. "This isn't about her. It's about you. Well, okay, it's about me telling her about you and I."

She kicked a rock at her feet as she took a deep breath. "Yeah, I know. She already gave me a piece of her mind. She's pretty pissed."

"Honestly Amber, I thought that you'd have told her. I really did."

She met his eyes carefully. "I should have."

She slid a little closer to him. "How are you dealing with everything?"

"You mean the fact that someone I've called my best friend for as long as I can remember has been fucking my girlfriend?"

"I don't think they actually fucked, not that it makes it any easier."

He shook his head sadly. "It's my own damn fault. I pushed the two of them together. I was so busy worrying about her catching my um, indiscretions, I pushed her right into one of her own."

"I liked him you know," Amber said quietly.

"Who? Pacey?"

"Yeah."

There was something in her eyes that betrayed how much she had really cared. Dawson wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly.

88

"Pacey," Mike Potter said as he opened the door, a frown on his face.

"Hi, Mr. Potter. Can I talk to Joey?"

He shook his head, "She's not here Pacey."

"Can you tell her I dropped by?"

"I don't think so."

Pacey stared at him for a moment, taken aback by his rudeness. Mr. Potter had never liked him, but this was something different. He nodded his head, slowly turning around and walking away. He waited for Mr. Potter to call after him, but he didn't.

88

"Oh, Jesus."

Amber wiped her eyes and looked up at Pacey, and then at Dawson who had his arm wrapped tight around her.

"Pacey," Dawson said nodding his head with a slight smile on his face.

"You coming to the movie with us?"

Dawson looked over at Amber who nodded her head.

"Great," Pacey muttered.

This was going to be a long winter break.

88

Pacey cleared his throat as he watched Amber's elbow bump Dawson's for the tenth time. "I'm going to go grab some soda," he said softly. Without waiting for a response, he got out of his seat and headed for the concession stand.

Amber looked over at Dawson, a worried look on her face. "I think he's pissed. I'm going to go talk to him."

Dawson shook his head. "I think this is about me, not you. I'll go."

88

"Pace, wait up!"

Pacey spun around, his face angry. "Dawson, what the hell is this?"

"I don't know. But listen, my intentions are pure."

"Your intentions are pure? What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means I like the girl."

"And Joey?"

"Listen Pacey, I loved her. I did, and I still do. But, our parents have been planning our wedding since they put us in a crib together. Joey forced me to see a lot of things I'd been trying not to."

"Like her best friend?"

Dawson shook his head, growing frustrated. "You know what Pacey? I'm done with this conversation."

"Me too, Dawson, me too. Tell Amber something came up."

Dawson watched as Pacey walked away, wondering why even when he had the best of intentions, he still managed to fuck up.

88

"Hey Pacey?"

Pacey looked up as he threw the snow off of his shovel. "Dawson," he said flatly.

"I'm not here to fight. I just… have you talked to Joey?"

Pacey froze at the mention of her name. "Her father made it quite clear she didn't want to talk to me."

"She's apparently not speaking to me either," Dawson admitted carefully.

Pacey looked up at him quizzically.

"So I just went by. To tell her. About me and Amber. And her dad was so fucking weird. He wouldn't let me talk to her. He said if I wanted he would pass a note onto her. A note. What the fuck is that?"

"Has Amber gotten ahold of her?"

Dawson looked up from the loose piece of ice he was kicking. "Nope. No one's talked to her. "

Pacey shrugged his shoulders. "Well if she wanted our help, she'd be talking to us. I don't think it's anything to worry about."

Dawson's eyes tightened. "It's funny Pacey. I thought I was the asshole around here."

Pacey turned his attention back to the snow, not looking up as Dawson walked away. He wanted to defend himself, to tell Dawson exactly why he wasn't an asshole, but he couldn't find the words.

88

"Hey Amber," Pacey said, casually glancing across the hall towards Joey's room.

"I haven't seen her Pacey. She has to come back some time though. How have you been? Come on in?" Amber opened her door wide and took a step back.

Pacey followed her into the room, his eyes settling on Dawson only after he had entered the room.

"Hey Dawson."

"Have you come to join the great Joey watch?"

Something about Dawson's eyes had changed, become gentler. He watched as Amber comfortably slid her hand into Dawson's. And for the first time that he could remember, he smiled a genuine smile at Dawson.

88

"Hey Dawson… Mr. Potter is here" Pacey asked, indicating to the man standing outside of Joey's door.

"Mr. Potter," Dawson yelled.

Mr. Potter turned his head and waved slightly at Dawson. "Hey Dawson… Pacey…" he entered the room awkwardly.

"Where's Joey?" Dawson asked, silence blanketing the room.

Mr. Potter took a deep uncomfortable breath. "Joey will not be coming back to school this semester. Pacey, she asked me to pass this letter along to you." He handed Pacey the note, glancing awkwardly at Dawson.

"I'm sure she meant to send you one too Dawson."

"Is she okay?" Dawson asked, his face mirroring the concern of Pacey and Amber.

"She's fine Dawson. I'm going to get her stuff out of here. See you later Dawson."

"Thanks Mr. Potter," Pacey called after him as Mr. Potter shut the door behind him.

"Could he hate me anymore?" Pacey asked, shaking his head.

"Where the fuck is she?" Dawson asked, looking to Pacey for an answer.

"I'm gonna go read this. I'll be back guys."

"Okay," Amber said gently.

Pacey attempted to casually exit the room, his entire body shaking. Where was she?

88

He sat down on his bed and slowly opened the envelope. He felt his body relaxing at the sight of her familiar writing.

 _So by now you're back at school. And I'm not there. I'm not quite sure where to begin. I know it might seem like I'm running away. Taking a coward's route, leaving my father and a letter to do the dirty work. But that's not what I'm doing. Or at least It's not what I mean to do._

 _I'm doing something that I think you've been encouraging me to do this whole last year. I'm trying to find myself. You asked me once if I could find happiness without someone else - and the thought of being alone scared me so much that I went running back to someone I knew wasn't right for me. Because let's face it, despite what our parents say, Dawson and I were never a match made in heaven. I think we were fed that soul mates crap for so long that we didn't know we didn't have to believe it. We're just two dumb kids who stayed in a relationship because we cared about each other. As friends. And I hid behind him, because it was safe. If I'd dared venture out from behind him, I might have had to acknowledge who I was really in love with._

 _And Pacey, admitting how I feel about you scares the hell out of me. Because you have always scared the hell out of me. It's leaving this safe little cocoon I've created for myself. With Dawson, I was safe. I had control of my feelings. With you, I have no control. When I'm with you, I can't breathe, I can't think, I'm dizzy. I used alcohol to allow me to explore what I was far too scared to do sober. And that wasn't fair to you. But it wasn't a game to me. Ever._

 _I should have been honest. I should have told you how much I loved you. That I've loved you for years. Since we kissed in that closet. I used to wonder, why you never made a move after that kiss? I thought I made my feelings clear - and so my only assumption was that you weren't interested. You've never really made your feelings clear. There's a million times if you had just once said you wanted to be with me, I would have loved to. I still don't know. My heart tells me that you have feelings, that you and I have something really special, and that your reason for not declaring your feelings has to do with a lack of respect for me._

 _Because somehow, I've become that girl. That girl who can't live without a boyfriend. That girl who constantly needs someone around her. And I'm done with her._

 _So I've embarked on a journey of sorts. A journey to be away from Dawson, my dad, you, anyone who had any preconceived notions of who I am._

 _I know you're mad at me, and I know me leaving without saying goodbye won't do anything to help that. But I'm doing something that I really need to do for me. I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive me for the terrible person I've been this year, or it you'll want to see me when I return. I just hope that someday, when I do see you again, you look at me, just once, the way you used to._

 _For what it's worth... I love you_

 _Joey_

He found himself frowning as he folded the letter back up, returning it to the envelope it came in. She loved him. He just didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do with that information

88

"So?" Amber asked.

"So," Pacey said, sitting down on the bed next to her. "It said nothing. It said everything. She says she loves me, but she's gone. So I don't get to do anything with this information."

Amber smiled. "Come on Pacey. You must have known how she felt."

He shrugged his shoulders. "It doesn't really matter anymore anyway. If she wanted to be with me, she would be."

"Because you told her how you feel and asked her to be with you," Amber asked knowingly. "Come on Pacey, you pushed her away time and time again."

"I wanted her to break up with Dawson because he was wrong for her, not because I stepped in. I wanted her to be strong."

"Well what did she say?"

"She said she need to find herself."

"Well that might be the first intelligent thing I've heard her say. So what's wrong with that?"

His eyes met hers. "What if finding herself means finding someone else? She's not so good at this being alone thing."

"Somehow I think you guys will find your way back to each other. She's fine, right? Did she say where the fuck she is?"

"Yes she's fine. And no, she didn't say where the fuck she is… So what's the plan tonight? We partying?"

Amber shrugged, "If that's what you want to do. Are you sure you don't need to talk?"

"Why talk when I can get drunk?"

88

"So what'd she say?" Dawson asked handing Pacey a beer.

"She's finding herself," Pacey muttered.

Dawson shrugged. "Sounds like a good idea for her."

Pacey sighed, knowing Dawson and Amber were right, but wondering why her finding herself required such secrecy… and not being with him.

He swallowed the beer quickly, and immediately set about finding another.

"Pacey… you sure drinking is what you want to be doing right now?"

"I'm sure, now where the ladies at?"

Amber leaned against Dawson, the two of them watching as Pacey walked confidently away, as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"What's up with him?" Dawson asked looking down at Amber.

"She told him she loves him."

"So he's off looking for ladies why?"

Amber shrugged her shoulders. "Damned if I know."

88

"Excuse me?"

Pacey turned, smiling as he realized a beautiful blonde was talking to him. "Yes?"

"Where'd you get that beer? Is there a way to get one of those without waiting in line?"

"I suppose I could share with you from my secret stock." He reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a beer, and a bottle opener. In one fluid motion he removed the cap and passed her the bottle.

"Hmmm. And here I was thinking you were just happy to see me. I'm Christina," she said smiling as she extended her hand to shake his.

"Christina, as in Aguilera? You wanna get dirty?"

Christina giggled. "Always."

88

The room felt blurry, and her skin felt foreign to the touch as he helped her shed her clothes.

"Pacey… Pacey," she slurred. "That's a funny name."

He forced himself to shove all thoughts of Joey from his mind and he kissed Christina. She pulled him into the bed, tugging his shirt over his head.

He reached over to Dawson's drawer, knowing he would find a supply of condoms.

He removed his pants, the room spinning as he attempted to roll the condom on. Christina leaned over, kissing his neck. Which reminded him of Joey.

He rolled her over so he was on top of her, positioning himself between her legs. He felt himself enter her, but the moment was sensation-less. He felt nothing. She moaned beneath him, "You tease," she growled. He willed his body to go through the motions, it was just sex. Nothing new. But it refused to obey.

He sighed, withdrawing himself from her and rolling over.

"What the fuck?"

"Sorry – I can't do this," he muttered, scared to meet her eyes.

"I've got news for you, you already did it!" She got up from the bed grabbing her shirt and quickly pulling it over her.

"I just… I can't."

"Oh my god, it's my thighs – isn't it?" she asked, her anger subsiding, replaced by something worse. Sorrow.

"No, no. It's not your thighs. It's not you. It's just… there's someone else."

She rolled her eyes. "Well I hope she knows what a prize she's got. And I hope you realize, fucking me for 30 seconds is still cheating. And by the way. Christina Aguilera… worst pick-up line ever."

"Christina, I'm sorry," Pacey said softly, allowing his eyes to meet hers.

"Yeah I bet," she muttered, angrily opening the door.

"Christina?"

"Dawson."

Amber peered her head in around the girl. "You've got to be kidding me."

"In my fucking bed dude?" Dawson asked, shaking his head, as Pacey tied his sneakers.

"Don't worry, if it counts for anything, he can't fuck worth a damn, see ya Dawson."

Pacey stood up, feeling like a disobedient child as he walked over to Dawson and Amber.

Amber's disappointment was written all over her face. "Nice Pacey… really nice."

He hung his head as he exited Dawson's room, not sure if he was relieved or sad that no one chased after him.

88

Joey glanced at her watch. For a brief moment she thought about calling him. She picked up the receiver, feeling its weight in her hand. What if he was still mad? Or was with someone else? She put the phone back down. Things seemed easier this way.

"Joey, we're leaving. You coming or not?" a voice called up to her.

"I'm coming." She gave the phone one last look, and then ran out of the room.


	22. Chapter 22

Sorry for the delay on this one. I've got most of the whole story written at this point - but this next part sets up the rest of the story so it was important to get it right. Hopefully I've got it now. I'm also asking you to trust me with where I"m headed with this one!

Please please provide reviews - since that's the whole reason I'm posting! Oh and Thank You to my betas! 3

Also - fanfiction is stripping out my fictional email addresses.

88

From: Jpotter .edu

To: Pwitter .edu

Subject: It feels weird

Date: 01/25/2000

Hey Pacey,

I'd promised myself I would give this experience everything I can. That I would really try to find myself, without throwing you into the mix. But what I didn't realize is that I was still trying to please you. I know you've wanted me to stand on my own two feet, and it's been so scary to me. I'm trying to do that - but I miss you. I miss you so much. So maybe if you get a chance… you can write back and let me know you're still there?

Jo

From: Jpotter .edu

To: Pwitter .edu

Subject: Please write back!

Date: 02/08/2000

Pacey… I know you're mad. But you've been my friend for years. I can't even remember a time without you in my life. Please don't throw everything away because I've been dumb.

And I know you think I threw away our friendship junior year. You were so upset that I doubted the poem and the roses. But really? Pacey I watched you pull that routine on girls for years! Dating back to what, the 6th grade. I even remember the poem you used to write the girls you liked "insert girl of the moments name you are so pretty, you are so fine, won't you please be mine? Girl it's true that I love you." I'd seen you do it a million times. When I thought you had reduced me to girl of the moment… I was SO hurt. I couldn't believe you'd reduced our friendship to something as trivial as trying to get in my pants. And I should have known better. I should have seen that you really cared. I should have seen that while my boyfriend was nowhere to be found – you were the one carting me off to support groups.

So I threw our friendship away because I thought you wanted to just get in my pants. And I was wrong. Now you're doing the same. I was wrong. I was so wrong. To go from trying to have sex with Dawson to bringing you to my bed. Obviously that was not my intention that night. The weirdest part of it all – was that I think some part of me wanted to sleep with him to prove to you that I wasn't frigid.

Sex. It's been this big thing in my head. Me not having sex. Here's what I never realized until that night. I was a virgin not because of some strong values, but because I just wasn't attracted to Dawson, not in that way. I'd been so scared that if I was with you, you'd be unhappy we weren't sleeping together, but that night made me realize something. It wouldn't have been an issue because I wanted to have sex with you. With you, it felt so right. I have never felt that way in my life. I just went with the feeling with no thoughts about your feelings, or Dawson's, or what I had done earlier that night. It just happened, and it happened because I wanted you to be with you Pacey. Nothing more, nothing less.

If I was in your shoes, I would be as mad at you as you are with me. But please, can you just try to see it from my point of view?

Pacey, please, just write back.

From: Pwitter .edu

To: Jpotter .edu

Subject: re:Please write back!

Date: 02/10/2000

Jo. I'm here. I don't really know what else to say. In fact, I have nothing to say until you're here standing in front of me in person. I'm glad you're trying to find yourself and I hope you're well.

-Pacey

From: jpotter .edu

To: aadams .edu

Subject: BFF?

Date: 02/20/2000

Amber, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Mostly about the boys - but also about you. I've never really had a girlfriend before - so I'm not really sure how this works.

I was pretty hurt that you didn't tell me about Dawson. I just couldn't believe you'd sat and listened to me talk about sex with him, and never once told me.

But - I think I get it. And honestly, I'm not even sure how I would have taken the news. So, I'm hoping that we can move past this and be friends.

Please write back, but I need you to not write me anything about Pacey. I want to ask you all about him, about what happened when he read my letter. But I know that's exactly what I need to not know right now

-Joey

From: Pwitter .edu

To: Jpotter .edu

Subject: Also

Date: 02/22/2000

There's something else I need to make clear. I'm not trying to be cruel but I really need you to understand how I feel. There is no commitment between us. You should fully experience whatever life you are choosing to live – and I hope you do and I hope you enjoy it. I fully intend to live my experience here at UMass. As far as I am concerned - there is nothing between you and I at this moment in time. If we were to get together, I would want it to be forever - meaning I would be the last person you ever dated. I'd hate for your only experience to be me and Dawson. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure either of us is ready for forever now. So enjoy finding yourself Joey, if we're meant to be we will find our way back to each other.

-Love Pacey

From: aadams .edu

To:jpotter .edu

Subject: BFF Forever

Date: 02/22/2000

Joey thank god! But before you are willing to forgive me. I need you to know that I am seeing Dawson. I hope me telling you this is okay. I think it's moderately serious, but I'm taking things slow and carefully. Are we still BFF?

From: jpotter .edu

To: aadams .edu

Subject: re: BFF Forever

Date: 03/05/2000

Thank you for telling me. Dawson had actually already told me. And I have to say, I think that his feelings are real. I think you are right to take it slow - but I don't think you should judge him based on our relationship. He and I never had the kind of chemistry that makes for a great relationship. I think the biggest problem with him and I is I lost my voice. I allowed him to become an asshole and treat me like I was disposable. I never once stood up for what I wanted or needed. But that's never been a problem for you. I know you won't put up with what I did. You will hold him accountable. If anyone can whip him into shape - it's you!

PS. I have limited access to the computer lab here - sorry it takes me forever to write back!

From: jpotter .edu

To:dleary .edu

Subject: hello

Date: 03/05/2000

Hey Dawson. I was just writing Amber about you, about how I really felt that she could trust you. I really hope you won't prove me wrong. Because I think despite all the misery we put each other through this past year - somewhere under there you are still the same wonderful person I fell in love with in the first place. I miss that guy. And I really hope that no matter who we are with - you and I stay friends. And that our families can continue our traditions. Your family saved my dad after my mom died and I think he feels a bit lost right now - like because I broke up with you - he has to break up with them.

Hope your semester is going well and you better be treating my girl Amber well.

From:dleary .edu

To:jpotter .edu

Subject: where are you?

Date: 03/07/2000

Joey,

Of course we will stay friends. And I'm not even sure we have the option of keeping our parents apart. I'll make sure my parents know to reach out to your dad. I'll happily participate in any family event with you... If only you'd TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE!

And yes... Taking good care of Amber. Learning a lot about how not to be an asshole. How not to be controlling. And I'm going to admit to you - I even decided to get some counseling. It's made me realize a lot about myself and how I treated you.

I owe you such a huge apology about how I treated you. There's no excuse for my behavior. I've been working with my counselor on why I feel the need to control people, and taking responsibility for my own actions. I wish I could go back in time and change things. But I think you and I both know that what made us fall in love was our amazing friendship. Which sadly we lost along the way. And I really really hope we can find our way back to those kids who were such great friends.

For what it's worth - I will be eternally sorry for fucking with your head.

From: jpotter .edu

To: aadams .edu

Subject: re:re: BFF Forever

Date: 03/28/2000

So I know I told you I don't want to hear about Pacey. But I need to talk to you about things. He very much does not want to be with me right now. He pretty much implied he's fucking half of the Umass campus. And if you have a front row seat for this – I want you to know – he has been very clear with me about what he is up to. And he told me to enjoy my experience. So….

There's a guy….

From: aadams .edu

To: jpotter .edu

Subject: OMG!

Date: 03/29/2000

Joey tell me everything! I'm dying here!

From: jpotter .edu

To: aadams .edu

Subject: re: OMG

Date: 04/15/2000

His name is Mark. And he's sweet. He's been in our group all of this semester, and I guess he's been pursuing me. I've been kind of ignoring it – and trying to focus more on fixing me. He's become a good friend down here - so when we all went away last weekend, he and I decided to share a room (with two beds mind you!). So we went to this amazing outdoor restaurant, and had some margaritas, and after dinner the waitress told us the dessert menu and one of the items was ganja brownies. So we ordered them as a joke - figuring there was no actual ganja in the brownies. Well - there was! So Mark walked me back to the room - and well… I decided to just go with the flow for once. No, I didn't sleep with him – but um… other things took place and I definitely enjoyed myself. It's weird -because surrounded by all these people I didn't know - I feel like a new person. Almost like I'm playing a role - only I like the role I'm playing. I like feeling confident and having a group of friends and well - okay so I like Mark.

But - I didn't factor in the fact that he is my housemate for the last month of our trip. Hoping I don't regret this decision because it's now all feeling a bit instant couple. And part of me is loves the idea of just getting to have this simple normal relationship. And I think it's what Pacey wants me to do. But Pacey takes up so much room in my heart - I don't see there being room for Mark? What would Amber do?

From: aadams .edu

To: jpotter .edu

Subject: re:re:OMG!

Date: 04/16/2000

You're a bit short on the gory details girlie – rest assured – I will get them out of you when you get home. I'm not sure I'm the best person to be giving you advice - but I would see where things are at with Mark. You've spent your whole life so worried about everything. Stop worrying so much and LIVE!

So I don't know if I should be sharing my sex life with you – is that too weird for you? Anyway – he and I have been waiting. I felt like this whole thing started because he and I were both being sluts. But we finally stopped waiting. And I'm really feeling good about where I'm at with him. It's obviously been a bit hard to trust him.

From: jpotter .edu

To:dleary .edu

Subject: re: hello

Date: 04/22/2000

Dawson - sorry it took so long to write back. It took me a little while to think about what I wanted to write. I'm so glad to hear you're getting counseling. I don't really see the need to rehash our relationship. It happened, it was terrible, and now we can return to being friends. You're right - that's is what we were good at. It's what made me want to be with you.

I can't believe the semester is almost over already. And then it's time for me to come home. I feel so nervous about coming back. It feels like I've been away forever. I am looking forward to seeing my oldest friend Dawson.

From: jpotter .edu

To: aadams .edu

Subject: Going with the flow

Date: 04/22/2000

So the good news is that our hosts on this last leg of the trip don't leave us alone that much. So we've had some nice quality hand holding and secret kisses. But always in the back of my mind is Pacey. Is he fucking half the Umass campus? What would he think of me and Mark? I can't seem to stop myself from having this internal dialog with him in my head. Like even at rather intimate moments with Mark – I find myself narrating the experience to Pacey. Help!

From: jpotter .edu

To: aadams .edu

Subject: Shit

Date: 04/22/2000

Mark definitely just saw part of the email I sent you earlier! I was writing at the school computer and he came up behind me and yeah… he definitely read it. He's been hurt and distant all day. Mind you – he knows all about Pacey. And I thought he understood my feelings… I guess we are going to have to have the talk…

From: aadams .edu

To: jpotter .edu

Subject: The Talk?

Date: 04/22/2000

What talk are you going to have? Are you ending it with him? I can't wait to see you so we can talk in person!

From: jpotter .edu

To: aadams .edu

Subject: Coming home

Date: 04/29/2000

Sorry – I haven't been near a computer all week. At this point I'll just wait and tell you the details in person. How did this semester disappear? I'm so not ready to come home yet!

From: aadams .edu

To: jpotter .edu

Subject: YAY YAY YAY YAY

Date: 04/30/2000

You might not be ready but I sure am! I'm coming to the airport to get you with your dad! It's already been arranged. See ya soon bitch!

Pacey squinted in the sun as he opened his front door. He'd been on summer break for three weeks and his dad was already driving him crazy. He bent over and tightly tied his running shoes and took off for his run.

He quickened his pace slightly as he reached the track, his half way point for his run. And for a brief moment he thought he saw Joey. The girl was halfway around the track, a familiar ponytail swinging while she ran. But this girl was definitely not Joey. She was a good twenty pounds more than Joey, in a curvy womanly way. But something about the way she ran... he found himself trying to catch up with her. It took him a couple minutes to finally catch up with her, the whole time knowing it wasn't her, but needing to confirm it. He turned to look as he sprinted past her and then suddenly froze.

"Joey?"

"Oh God!," she said freezing as well. "Pacey!"

He just stared at her, unable to process the new Joey standing in front of him. Her skin was tan, her body was curvy, her hair was lighter, she was almost unrecognizable. Dressed in a ratty t-shirt and sweats he had never seen her look more sexy.

"This isn't exactly the reunion I had in mind," she said, smiling slightly, using her upper shirt to wipe some sweat from her face. As she did so she exposed just a hint of a now slightly curvy stomach. "Say something!" she implored as he stared at her.

"And what did you have in mind?" he asked lightly, finally able to speak.

"Well it involved a little less sweat, a little less surprise, and maybe a shower beforehand?" she laughed, feeling slightly uncomfortable under his gaze.

"You look amazing!" he said reaching out his hand and putting it on her arm, unable to stop himself from touching her. And without meaning to, he pulled her close to him and lowered his lips to hers. She gasped in surprise, as her body slowly relaxed into the kiss. She could feel his hands touching her sweaty back, and to her surprise she didn't even care.

"This isn't supposed to happen, I'm still mad at you," Pacey said in between kissing her, unable to stop. He felt his hands slowly wandering down to the curve of her butt.

"Get a room!"

Pacey and Joey jumped apart as another jogger passed them, shaking her head horrified.

"Pacey?" she asked searching his eyes.

He sighed. "It's not fair to show up looking like this! I had so much I needed to say to you."

"I had a speech prepared for you too."

"How did it go?"

"It involved a lot of apologizing and ended with me making my feelings very clear and saying something like - I would like very much to be with you, and would like to know if you would go on a date with me," she explained with hopeful eyes.

"That sounds like a good speech," he said softly.

"So... will you go?" she asked, reaching up to brush a stray hair behind her ear.

"Do you have... girl nails?" Pacey asked, noticing her fancy french manicure.

She laughed softly. "Yeah Amber dragged me for my first mani/pedi yesterday. She's trying to make me over."

"Joey, if I hadn't run into you today, when were you going to call me?"

She shrugged awkwardly. "I've picked up the phone a million times,"

He sighed. "Well are you at least going to tell me where you've been?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Here's what I am offering. You and I go out to dinner. We ask each other every question we have ever had and answer honestly. And I'm hoping after that, you and I can find our way to something…. an us or at least a friendship. Or you can continue being mad at me... your choice?"

He found himself nodding. "Tonight?"

"Okay sure. I might even shower before" she teased, tugging her sweaty shirt away from her skin.

"You want to jog back with me?"

"Ok," she said softly, feeling slightly rattled and dizzy.

88

She opened her door slowly, her confidence she'd been feeling in Amber's dress quickly fading.

"Shit Jo!" Pacey exclaimed as his eyes scanned her. "You could give a guy a heart attack in that dress. I'll assume we have Amber to thank for this one?"

Joey swallowed attempting to find her voice. "I'm kinda feeling ridiculous to tell you the truth," she smoothed the tight, low cut dress over her stomach.

Pacey struggled to keep his eyes from her breasts as he met her eyes. "You look amazing. You ready?"

She followed him out to his car, her mouth dropping slightly as he opened her door for her. "This is new" she said attempting to fill the silence.

"That's because you've never been on a date with me," he grinned. "I'm really quite the gentleman." He walked around to his side and quietly sat in his seat.

"Bella's?" He asked referring to the local pub in town. A restaurant that had been the source of several "why aren't you eating?" Fights throughout the years.

"Sounds perfect."

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"So, how does this work?" Pacey asked, his eyes scanning the menu.

"Well, it's a menu… you pick what you want off of it and they bring it to you," she said, smile on her face.

"Oh haha you're so funny. You know what I meant!" he said pulling her menu away from her.

"How about we order, and then we talk?"

As if by command, their waiter appeared. "Are you ready to order? Oh hey Pacey! Joey? Wow you look amazing"

Joey blushed. "Oh hey Greg. How's it going?"

"Well... I'm working here... Does that answer your question? Speaking of which... " he switched to a formal tone "may I take your order?"

"I'll have a cheeseburger and fries," Pacey said handing his menu to the waiter.

"I'll have the steak tip salad, dressing on the side please," Joey said hesitantly, knowing her choice was being evaluated by Pacey.

"So you eat now?" Pacey asked as the waiter walked away.

"Is that your first question?"

"No…. my first question is, where have you been Jo?"

"So," she began, fiddling with the wrapper on her straw. "Remember when I joined the Spanish club?"

"Uh huh vaguely."

"So I signed up to go abroad, but all the spots were full. But then, suddenly, just when I needed it, a spot opened up to go to Mexico for winter semester."

"So you went to Mexico?" he asked surprised.

"It was supposed to be just for winter semester, but when it was time to leave, I just wasn't ready. And so I worked it out that I could stay for the entire semester."

"So then…" he began.

"Nope my turn," she interrupted. "And I'm just going to dive right in while you have to answer my questions. Pace, why didn't you ask me out after that kiss in the closet? Or anytime before or after that really? That is, if you really felt the way you wrote in your paper"

Pacey took a deep breath. "Dawson had dibs."

"Um I'm sorry what? Did you just say dibs like I'm the last can of Coke in the fridge?"

Pacey fiddled with his glass, not looking up. "It was the summer of your polka dot bikini," he said pausing.

"Oh God," Joey groaned. "I thought I was hot shit that summer!"

"Yeah so did we Jo. You showed up to Dawson's pool and I'm surprised you didn't hear the sounds of our jaws dropping to the floor. Now, for the record - I already knew I had feelings for you. I'm not sure if you remember dancing at the 8th grade end of year dance, but that was my moment with you."

"I remember," Joey said softly, remembering how awkward and sweet he'd been when he'd taken her clumsily in her arms. The dance was while her mom had been in the hospital still, and she had doubted if she should even go. "You saved me that week. You were like my rock."

He cleared his throat. "The timing didn't really seem right at the time to say anything then Jo. You needed a friend. And that summer I feel like we really became good ones."

"Yeah it's funny, after she died, that summer when I practically lived with Dawson's parents, you were more of a friend to me than he ever was. I think he just didn't know how to be there for me." Joey felt tears in her eyes.

Pacey reached across the table and touched her hand. "I'm sorry to bring all this up - but it's all important in answering your question."

"Here you go," Greg said sliding their glasses in front of them. "Also - I snagged you guys some wine from the bar." He winked at Joey as he slid a glass in front of her and poured two glasses. His gaze lingering on her.

"Thanks Greg, I appreciate it,' she smiled and turned back to Pacey. Greg stood for a moment, and then turned back towards the kitchen.

"Miss Josephine Potter, finding fans wherever she goes" Pacey said taking a sip of the wine. "Not complaining about this one though."

"So back to dibs Pacey," Joey said, ignoring his joke.

"Okay so….you showed up in that bikini, and Dawson took one look at you and said 'dibs'. He made his feelings about you very clear, and that I was in no way to interfere with them. I'm sure even then he knew how I felt."

"Yes, obviously you felt very strongly about me if all it took was the word Dibs for you to move on," Joey scoffed.

Pacey sighed. "I know it sounds ridiculous Joey. But I want you to think about what was going on that year."

"Your mom…. was drinking a lot… your dad was pissed at you a lot." Joey said slowly, remembering watching her solid rock friend slowly crumble.

"You and I both spent almost that entire summer at Dawson's. When he claimed Dibs, I don't think I ever intended to listen, at the time I just wasn't ready to make my move. But then, as things got messier at home, I started to really need that friendship."

Joey took a sip of wine as she felt Pacey's hand grip loosening. "After that summer, shit kinda fell apart Jo. I pulled away from you. You were the good one, studying, listening to your dad. I just… went the opposite way for a while."

She nodded her head. "I think I took it personally at the time. I remember feeling so bad that I couldn't be there for you like you were for me."

"I didn't want you to be. By that time my crush was full blown. But I just … I never felt good enough for you; especially after my descent into deviance. And there Dawson was, confident and rich and put together just waiting for his moment to make his move. And you two had that whole damn mom planned wedding thing. How is a guy supposed to compete with a couple arranged in the womb? I figured it just made sense for the two of you. And so I moved on to anyone I could find."

Joey rolled her eyes. 'You know, my mom would probably have been horrified if she knew the amount of weight Dawson's mom has given those plans." She shook her head. "I wish I'd known how you'd felt then. Especially after that kiss. Because I just saw it as rejection."

"Well you obviously got over it enough to move onto Dawson," he said slightly bitterly.

She sighed. "Okay so I guess that answers my question. Your turn."

"Hey guys," Greg said as he slid their meals in front of them. "These look good! Thinking I might have to order the steak salad when I get off for my break in a bit - you'll have to let me know how it is!"

"Thanks Greg," Joey said picking up her fork and looking at her meal in an attempt to dismiss him.

"Let me know if you need anything, I'll be back in a bit"

Pacey stared at Joey as she cut into her steak and placed a bite in her mouth. "What?" she asked self-consciously.

"Oh come on, you really have to ask what? Last time I went out to dinner with you, you wouldn't even have a bit of hotdog. I'm happy to see this. But… well… okay my next question. You eat now? Are you really doing as good with this as you seem?"

She took a deep breath and swallowed her steak. "I'm doing good Pacey. Things were really bad when I got home from school. My dad immediately scheduled an apointment with the doctor I saw junior year. When I decided to go to Mexico there were all sorts of rules I had to follow. I had to see a shrink down there, do weigh ins. It was all kinda embarrassing. But, I was living with families the entire time I was down there. It wasn't as easy to control what I ate, or even know what I was eating. Somewhere between the counseling and the food we were eating, I started to find my way back to normalcy. And in case you're curious, in Mexico, no one actually eats tacos! I don't think I had any actual Mexican food as we know it until I went to Acapulco for the weekend."

"No tacos in Mexico, say it isn't so!" Pacey joked. "But Jo, I'm… words can't even explain how happy it makes me to see you like this. You look so strong and healthy. It's like you've returned a different person. And for the record, I've always found you attractive, because of who you are. But this… this makes it hard for me to keep my hands off of you!"

Joey blushed. "Um… thanks I think. It's taking some getting used to. I returned to wardrobe of clothes that don't fit, and fat I'm not used to having" Pacey opened his mouth to say something but Joey continued talking . "I'm not saying I'm fat. I'm not putting myself down. I just have a new body. And I"m trying to learn to see the strength in it - and recognize that having fat is normal."

She lightly dipped her steak in her blue cheese dressing and put a bite in her mouth, as if to prove to him she was normal. "Question answered?"

"Yes. So I guess it's your turn."

"So in your email, you were very specific that we were not committed to each other. Did you sleep with anyone? Was there anyone else? Anyone that mattered?" she hesitantly raised her eyes to meet his, as if just by looking at him she would know the answer.

Pacey took a large gulp of his drink. "So we're doing this now?"

She nodded, her heart racing slightly.

"There were a couple of girls, but no one who mattered. What about you Jo?"

She took a deep breath. "There was one guy… Mark… he was my housemate for the last third of the trip. The most of the trip we were in a pretty big city, Cuernavaca, but the last part we were in this tiny town, Buena Vista, and he and I stayed with this great family. He'd been pursuing me before we were housemates, but nothing happened until our whole group took a trip to Acapulco in between cities."

"And what happened Jo," Pacey asked, his voice strained. "Did you sleep with him?"

"Not exactly" she said blushing as she turned her attention to her salad.

"What does, not exactly, mean?" he asked, hating that blush on her face.

"We fooled around… what do you want me to talk bases? I didn't ask you for specifics!"

"Yes, I want you to talk bases. This is your honestly game. If you'd like specifics, I'll give them to you."

"I'm not actually sure what base it is … I um …. God do I really have to say this outloud? I blew him? And he um … well he …"

"He went down on you?" Pacey asked, louder than intended.

"Pacey! Jesus," Joey said, her face turning even more red. "If you must know, then yes."

"Did you orgasm?"

"Are you serious?" she asked covering her face. "When he did that or when we were fooling around?"

"Oh god, there were multiple times?" he said, his face turning hard.

Joey took a deep breath and put her hands to the table. "I'm confused here Pacey. You told me to go experiment. You told me we were not committed to each other. And you just told me you slept with other people. So why are you suddenly so mad at me?"

His voice was cold as he spoke, "Because what you did implies a level of intimacy that tells me you obviously had serious feelings for this guy. It's not like you had casual sex, you were in a relationship with him!"

"Listen … I liked the guy. We had fun. I was very clear with him about how I felt about you. I was trying to relax and just go with what felt right in the moment. The first time we were a bit drunk and high, and it just sort of happened. It doesn't mean I want to marry the guy and have his babies!"

"You were high?" he asked. "So now you're a pot head"

Joey rolled her eyes "Did you seriously just say 'pot head'? You sound awfully critical considering it's something you've done yourself… multiple times. I thought I was doing what you wanted me to do. I don't know what else to tell you…"

"Hey guys, are you getting dessert?" Greg asked, sliding into the booth next to Joey.

"No," Pacey said irritated. "We are done here. Can we just get the check?"

"Oh sure," Greg said, looking between Pacey's grumpy face and Joey's shocked face.

"Are you serious?" she asked as Greg walked away.

"I'm done here. I think it's time to go home." Pacey finished the contents of his glass and put it down on the table. She nodded her head as Greg appeared with the bill.

"It's on me guys. So out of curiosity, Joey, are you single?"

Pacey sighed exasperated and started out of the restaurant.

"Here's my number, give me a call before you head back to school," Greg said, placing a folded up paper in her hands.

"Thanks Greg, this is really sweet of you," she said touching his shoulder lightly and then running after Pacey.

Pacey was already sitting in the car when she got to it. She opened her own car door and got into the car. Music was playing loudly, and Pacey didn't look at her. The drive to her house was silent, except for Pacey's air drums on the steering wheel. They arrived at her house and Pacey put the car in park.

"Your house looks awfully dark," he said peering out the car window. "I'll walk you to the door."

"My dad is out… for the night actually," she said quietly. Willing Pacey to look at her. He didn't.

She unlocked the door and turned back to him to face him. "So just to be clear here, our date is over? I am going into my empty house alone and you are not interested in a relationship with me? Because I fooled around with someone?"

He sighed, his hands turning into balls of anger. "I'm just… I'm not okay with it. I just... I can't do this Jo."

"I'm confused Pacey," she said hesitantly.

"So am I," he said shaking her head. "I'm going to head home and do some thinking. I'll call you."

He awkwardly patted her shoulder and then walked back to his car.

Joey closed the door behind her and sank to the floor.


	23. Chapter 23

So... you guys aren't going to like me for a couple of updates. And you're probably not going to like Pacey. Trust me. And keep reviewing if you want me to fix the mess I've made. I'd like to add that I always envisioned Pacey and Joey getting together at the track and that being the end. But then Pacey went and messed everything up! I'm pretty sure he has his reasons though?

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Amber knocked on Joey's door. The door slowly opened. "Yeah yeah, I'm coming," she said slowly.

"Is that um… what you're wearing?" Amber asked, observing Joey's baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants.

Joey smiled slightly and shrugged. "Look, you said I had to get out of the house, you didn't say I had to look good."

"Jo, go get some jeans and a clean top on at least," Amber ordered.

Joey nodded obediently and returned minutes later, her hair still un-brushed, but at least wearing real clothes.

She followed Amber to her car, smiling at Dawson in the back seat as she opened the door. "Is this driving Mr. Leary?"

Dawson laughed. "I've been banished to the back seat to allow for optimum girl talk."

Joey slid into the passenger side. "Hey look, getting dumped has some advantages."

She turned to face Amber as she started the car. "Did you tell him the story?"

Amber nodded, "I hope that's okay?"

Joey shrugged awkwardly as she turned to face Dawson in the back seat.

"So what's your opinion?"

Dawson opened his mouth, and then closed it and thought for a moment. "I think you did something very out of character for you. As an ex-boyfriend I had trouble digesting it."

"Was it really that strange?" she asked, her eyes darting back and forth between Amber and Dawson.

Amber shrugged. "Well you did something Dawson and I have yet to do…"

Joey groaned. "Seriously?"

"Wait is that something you want me to do?" Dawson interrupted, looking intently at Amber.

"Oh gag!" Joey moaned. "Perhaps you guys can have this conversation when I'm not in the car?"

Dawson laughed. "Okay noted. So to answer your question, I think he's a fool. And if he wanted to be with you, whatever you did wouldn't matter. I think he's just looking for an excuse to run."

Amber nodded her head. "So do I."

Joey sighed loudly. "So what do I do?"

Amber shook her head as she pulled into a parking spot. "The only thing you can do, go on with your life. Which reminds me … I need to tell you something."

"Um Amber," Joey began hesitantly as the climbed out of the car. "Who is the guy walking towards us and waving?"

"That would be Logan," she said as he approached them. "I went to highschool with him. He just transferred to Umass so I thought he might enjoy making some new friends."

"Is this a set up?" Joey hissed as Logan smiled wide at her.

"Hi, Joey, right? I'm Logan. Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you." He reached his hand out and shook hers. His blue eyes sparkled as he smiled at her.

"Nice to meet you too. But I'm going to be honest here Logan, I've heard nothing about you!"

"Amber," Logan growled, a look of endearment passing between the two. He turned back towards Joey. "Believe it or not, this isn't the first time she's done this to me. Are you okay with this? Do you want to go still the movie anyway?"

Joey nodded her head. "It's fine Logan. Thanks,"

She turned to Amber as they started walking towards the movie theater. "I'm going to kill you!"

Amber shrugged. "You haven't left your house for two weeks. Best way to get back on the horse is get a new horse."

"Amber!"

Amber laughed "Okay obviously it's not that easy. I know how you feel about him. But try to relax and have some fun kiddo."

"Pacey," Joey said freezing.

"Yes, I know how you feel about Pacey," Amber said gently.

"No… Pacey," Joey said raising her finger to a couple standing outside the theater entrance making out. She reached out and grabbed Amber's arm, as the couple pulled apart as if they were aware they had an audience. Nicole smiled wide, oblivious to the drama. "Dawson, Joey! Hey good to see you guys! Joey,I didn't realize you were back yet. You look freaking fabulous."

Joey felt Pacey's eyes on her as she looked to the floor. "I have to go," she mumbled, her heart racing.

She felt her feet pounding into the ground as she attempted to flee the scene. She could hear his footsteps behind her, attempting to catch up. She slowed herself knowing there was no way she could outrun him. She took a deep breath and turned to face him.

"You lied!" she screamed as tears streamed down her face.

"I never lied to you, you didn't ask who I slept with, just if it was anyone who mattered," he said softly.

"If a girl that you have said I love you to, and slept with on and off for the past couple of years doesn't matter to you then you are even more of a dick than I thought you were Pacey."

He looked down. "I thought you meant, anyone who mattered to us getting back together," he said helplessly.

"You know how I feel about her, how I feel about you being with her. How could you think that wasn't relevant information?"

Pacey shrugged, unable to find the words he wanted to say.

"And you know what's shitty, Pace? You've made me feel like I'm the one who did something wrong. All I ever did is what you asked me to do. You lied to me. So how I end up feeling like the bad guy here, I'll never know."

"I didn't mean to make you feel that way, I don't know what to say," he floundered.

"How about goodbye? It's a nice final word. I'll see you at school I guess. Good bye Pacey," she raised her eyes, fierce and stony to meet his.

"Come on Jo, don't walk away like this," he implored as she started back towards her friends. "Joey, please. I can't lose our friendship!"

She turned to him horrified. "Our friendship? You think this is a friendship? You don't get to lie to me... You don't get to call me a slut and then be my friend."

"That's not fair, I never called you a slut and I.."

"You didn't have to," she interrupted. "It was written all over your face. I'm done here. Done."

"Joey," Logan asked as he took a step towards them.

"Who is this guy," Pacey asked loudly as Logan approached.

She looked as Pacey, annoyed. "This guy is currently on the worst set up ever."

"Hey Joey, I'm actually going to head out… Did you want a ride?" He asked hesitantly.

Joey glanced over at Pacey and then nodded her head. "Thanks Logan, that would be great."

She turned towards Pacey, her eyes not meeting his. "Can you let Amber know I got a ride?"

Pacey nodded and slowly walked away.

Joey turned to Logan. "Is he gone?"

Logan nodded "yup he just went into the theater."

With a loud sob she sank to the ground; her body shaking as she cried.

Logan crouched down next to her. "Um… Do you want me to go get someone?" He asked awkwardly.

"Best set up ever," Joey mumbled through her tears.

"Sadly Joey, Amber has set me up on worse!" He put his hand gently on her shoulder and let her cry.

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"You doing okay kiddo?" Amber asked as Joey opened her door to her.

"I guess so," Joey said leading Amber into her living room.

"We're back to the sweat pants huh?" Amber asked as Joey plopped herself onto the couch.

"He never even called Amber. After everything that happened, how could he not pick up the phone and call?"

Amber sighed. "I have no idea what is going through his head Jo. But this needs to not be the end of everything you've worked so hard to do. You came home from Mexico so happy and glowing. Don't let him take that away from you."

Joey sighed. "I know I know. I'm doing okay though, I swear. Well other than the sweats. I'm following my eating plan, exercising the appropriate amount. Obsessing about him an inappropriate amount."

"So what about Logan? Have you seen him again?"

Joey grinned. "Ahh yes, still attempting the set up Amber? Sorry to disappoint – but it's not going to happen. But he did come take me out once last week. He's a good listener. We have zero chemistry though."

Amber shrugged. "Well it was worth a shot. Do you want me to drive you back to school next week or is your dad taking you?"

"My dad is. He keeps flip flopping between the need to bond and the need to be out getting some. I'm thinking he has a new girlfriend he doesn't want to tell me about, but who knows? All I know is I'm so ready to head back to school."

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As the car pulled up to school, Joey felt panic rising in her chest. She realized she was wrong, she wasn't ready to be back here at all. She wasn't ready to see him again.

Joey attempted to smile at her dad as he opened his car door. "Try to relax and enjoy this year Joey. Don't let what happened with Pacey derail your progress. I'm very proud of you."

"Thanks dad," she said quietly as he pulled her into his arms. She wanted more than anything to hop into his car with him and return to Mexico.


	24. Chapter 24

**Please keep the reviews coming if you guys want me to keep posting! Whoever Guest1 is - I'm loving your comments!**

 **I apologize in advance for Pacey's behavior... I really don't know what got into him!**

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"Hey slut!," Amber said as she opened the door to Joey. "What floor are you on?'

"I'm on 4. Oh hey Dawson," Joey said spotting Dawson sitting comfortably on the bed. "What floor are you on?"

"I'm in Field, on floor 6, and you should see my roommate! I think he's in competition with Pacey's last year. He's got Barbie and Ken dolls dressed in leather hanging from the ceiling. What the fuck?"

Joey laughed "I'm pretty sure I win the roommate contest. She has a fucking snake in our room. A Ball Python. It's living in a tank under her bed. I may never sleep again. I had no idea how good I had it last year. You questioning your decision to leave the frat?"

"Nope, not at all," Dawson said reaching out and taking Amber's hand. "I know if I want this to work with Amber, I need to not be with those guys."

"Oh barf," Joey mumbled. She felt a slight pang as she watched the two of them together. The fact that he was willing to walk away from all of his friends to be a better man for Amber made her heart hurt a bit.

"Hey guys," Pacey said popping his head in the door. Joey took a deep breath, her eyes never looking at his.

"I've got to go unpack. I'll see you later guys," she brushed by Pacey in the doorway, not acknowledging him at all.

"It's that bad?" he asked looking to Dawson and Amber.

Amber sighed. "It's that bad Pace. Did you really expect otherwise?"

He shrugged. "I kinda hoped we could just go back to how things were?"

"Oh come on," Dawson moaned. "You can't possibly be that naive."

"I guess I kinda was," he said hesitantly. "How do I make this right?"

Amber shrugged. "Honestly Pacey, I have no idea."

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He spotted her familiar ponytail and slid into the seat next to her. "Hey," he said nonchalantly.

She turned to face him, her eyes not looking to his. "Pacey," she said tightly. "I am trying very hard to keep my shit together. I am trying very hard not to revert back to any of my unhealthy habits. And right now, doing both of those requires not interacting with you at all."

Pacey raked his hand through his hair, frustrated. "Please, don't tell me it's come to this. No matter what we've been through, we've always been able to be friends."

She took a deep breath. "If you ever cared about me, at all, you will get up and go find a different seat."

He nodded his head and grabbed his notebook and walked away without a word. He took a seat several rows behind her and watched her shoulders rise and fall, and he knew she was trying not to cry.

"You okay Joey?" Logan asked sliding into the seat Pacey had just vacated. She turned to face him.

"You're in this class too?' she asked wiping away the tears falling down her face.

"Well you were raving about it. I can't believe I got in - there was a wait list and everything."

He reached out and put his hand on her back. "It will be okay kiddo. It gets easier. Do you want to put on a little show for him?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to play any games. I have no interest in making him jealous. I just need to move on. Somehow"

"Good afternoon class," the teacher's voice interrupted them. Joey's head shot up as a male teacher dressed in a full 1800s dress entered the room. "Welcome to history of the civil war. I'm Harriet Tubman"

"This," Logan said quietly "is awesome."

Joey grinned at him, almost able to forget that Pacey was sitting a few rows behind them.

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"I'm starting to think i should have stayed in Mexico," Joey sighed as she settled into Amber's chair.

"Aww Jo, It will get better, I promise." Amber said smiling encouragingly.

"Amber, my roommate just brought in a box of live mice to feed the actual live snake in my dorm room. Pacey is in every single class I'm in, making it rather hard to ignore what happened. And my best friend is in a wonderful honey moon phase and I'm trying very hard to be happy for her, but it's all a bit much." Joey tucked her hair behind her ears, trying not to cry.

"Aww I'm sorry dude. I've been trying to keep an eye on the PDA's and be aware of how weird this all is for you," Amber said standing up and putting her hand on Joey's shoulder.

"I know you are," Joey sniffled. "And I love you for it. I just feel like there isn't a place for me here."

"Well," Amber began a bit reluctantly. "Maybe you need to stop hiding in the library and your room. How many times has Logan asked you out? Have you called Mark? You have options, even if you don't want to explore them."

Joey looked up at Amber. "I told Mark we weren't going to see each other at all. I can't. Amber. It was getting too intense. It's just not fair for me to lead him on when I know that's not how I feel about him. Sadly, if it weren't for certain fuck heads, I might have fallen for him. It almost felt right, ya know? But… he's not Pacey. He doesn't make me laugh like he does, his touch doesn't feel like Pacey's. It's just not fair to Mark. As much as I really could go for some male attention right now!"

Amber sighed. "Okay Okay, I get it with Mark. But what about Logan?"

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "Why don't we know any girls? Where is Kate anyway? I have seen her once since we've been back at school."

"She and Shawn are in loooooove. I'm hoping it lasts because I'm enjoying having a sorta single."

"Boy do I miss mine," Joey muttered. "A fucking snake. I guess I should head downstairs and make sure the mice aren't making me a dress to wear."

Amber laughed. "Are you going to come to my party tomorrow? Maybe see if Logan wants to come too?"

Joey shrugged. "I don't know Amber, I just…"

"He won't be there Jo," she said softly. "Nothing's going to change if you don't change it. Come out, have some fun, some drinks."

"I'll think about it Amber."

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Joey shivered as she entered the dorm. For a September night it was unseasonably cold. She brushed her hair out of her face and looked up just in time to see Pacey and Nicole kissing by the stairs. Her heart felt as if it stopped momentarily as she stared at them.

"Excuse me," she mumbled as she slid by the couple, not looking at either of them.

"Nice to see you too Joey!" Nicole called after her as she pounded up the stairs. She turned to Pacey, a forlorn expression on his face.

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened between the two of you," she asked hesitantly.

"That's not really the relationship you and I have, is it? So let's head upstairs okay?"

Nicole nodded, attempting to keep the hurt she felt from her face.

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"You okay?" Joey's roommate Jessica asked as Joey stomped into the room.

"He was just sitting there kissing her. With no regard for the fact that I could walk in and see them." She offered as she threw herself on the bed.

"Assuming we are talking about Pacey here?" Jessica guessed based on the few stories Joey had told her. "Joey, why don't we go out tonight? Meet a guy of your own to kiss? Unless you want to kiss our new frog?" She asked gesturing to a small fish tank on her desk.

"We have a frog now?" Joey asked skeptically as she eyed it.

"It was a present from my boyfriend. A boyfriend that I met because I forced myself to go out."

"Amber is having some friends over tonight and promised me Pacey wouldn't be there. But Dawson will be."

"But he's the one you said you were over right? He dates your bestie?" Jessie asked.

"Yes I'm over him. Sometimes it just sucks seeing him change for her when he was so unwilling to change for me," Joey reluctantly admitted. "No I don't want him, but I just wish he'd wanted me more. Is that selfish?"

Jessie shrugged. "You're asking the wrong girl. I think you need to leave all this drama behind and just kiss some new boys. Let's go to Amber's party. My boyfriend doesn't get off work til like 11 and I'm bored."

Joey eyed her roommate, wondering how she would fit in. "Sure, let's do it."

"You are going to change… right?" Jessie asked, scanning Joey's outfit of baggy sweatshirt and jeans.

Joey looked down. "Ugh I guess"


	25. Chapter 25

It's got to get worse before it gets better! Please please keep the reviews coming if you want me to keep posting!

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Jessie's styling wasn't quite as sexy as Amber's, but Joey still felt a bit ridiculous in a tank top that showcased a large amount of her newly acquired cleavage.

"Joey look at you," Amber said opening the door. "Hey Jessie, you're joining us?"

Jessie walked through the door and plopped herself on the bed next to Dawson. "What are we drinking?"

Joey looked around the room, feeling relieved Pacey was nowhere to be found. The room was, however, filled with a bunch of guys she was pretty sure she recognized from Dawson's frat.

"So um…. Dawson's friends decided to join us for a bit," Amber said through a tight smile.

"Hey Joey, Jessie," smarmy Frat guy #1 said, raising an eyebrow at them.

Joey reluctantly took the last remaining seat next to him on the bed.

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After a few drinks, someone suggested a game of "I Never" and the game began. Joey smiled, figuring this time she may actually be able to join in on a bit of the drinking.

"I never saw my parents having sex," Dawson offered, taking a big gulp.

"I've never cheated on a test," Frat guy #1 stated, all of the Frat guys drank from their drink, including Dawson.

"I've never given or received a blow job," Joey offered, figuring her meager experience was good for something. Everyone drank.

"I've never had sex three times in one night," Amber grinned at Dawson, drinking.

Everyone but Joey drank. Joey's stomach churned slightly as she watched the loving looks Amber and Dawson exchanged.

"I've never had a threesome," Frat guy #2 offered. Jessie drank as well as all of the frat guys… including Dawson.

"I've never had sex, while the person next to me is having sex," Frat guy #3 laughed.

"Call it what it is, I've never had an orgy," Frat guy #4 said. All of the frat guys started "woohooing" as they drank. Joey watched in horror as Dawson drank.

"I've never had anal," Jessie grinned evilly as she drank. Dawson, and 2 of the frat guys drank as well.

"I've never slept with a stripper," Dawson suggested, obviously drunk at this point.

"I've never wondered about why I'm dating someone," Amber said tightly as she drank. Joey took a long drink as the turn came back around to her.

She found herself shaking. "I've never had a threesome, had anal sex, participated in an orgy and slept with a stripper all while dating someone I claimed to love and that I was committed to." She stood up as the room fell silent. "Drink Dawson," she said bitterly, tossing her drink in his face.

And then she turned and ran from the room.

"Shit," Dawson said, looking helplessly to Amber.

"Don't look at me, I was about a minute away from doing the same," Amber said crossly.

"And on that note, I think it's time for us to find the next party. Jessie you want to join us?" Frat guy #1 asked Jessie, a lecherous look on his face.

"I think I'll pass," Jessie muttered. "I'm going to go find Joey."

"I'll come with you," Amber said jumping up and shooting Dawson a look of death.

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"God, he's such an asshole," Amber said shaking as she and Jessie walked to their dorm room.

"He was an asshole. I'm assuming all of this took place while he was with Joey and not you. From what I can tell, that asshole actually cares about you." Jessie offered.

They opened the dorm room door to an empty room. "Shit, where do you think she went?" Amber asked.

Jessie shrugged her shoulders. "You know the girl a whole lot better than I do."

"Okay, let's search all the lobby's and check 'Sweets N More' and meet back at my room?"

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"Dawson, where would she go?" Amber asked as she walked back into her room. Dawson was sitting on her bed looking incredibly forlorn.

Dawson shrugged. "I really have no idea. This was always Pacey's expertise not mine."

"Is this a thing with her?" Jessie asked as she walked over to Amber's chair and sat down.

"It used to be. Since we were kids. She'd just take off whenever things got too overwhelming. One time she was missing all night. Joey's dad had to finally call Pacey to get him to find her."

"Remind me who's the soul mates?" Amber said tightly.

"So… why don't we go ask Pacey?" Jessie suggested.

Amber looked over at Dawson, shaking her head annoyed. "Let's give it another 30 minutes, and if we haven't found her, we'll go ask Pacey."

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"You okay Pacey?" Nicole asked, watching as he pretended to read 'History of the Civil War'.

"I'm fine. When you surprise a guy you have to realize he may have been planning on doing other things." He said keeping his eyes on his book.

"You're mad I'm here?" Nicole asked, starting to feel annoyed. "You didn't seem mad twenty minutes ago. But of course that's all this is right?"

"Nic, no it's…."

They both looked to the door as someone knocked. Pacey put his book down and walked over to the door.

"What is this, an intervention?" Pacey asked lightly, looking from Amber to Dawson to the girl he recognized as Joey's roommate.

"We can't find Joey," Amber explained. "Dawson said you're the expert"

Pacey took a deep breath. "What happened and how long has she been missing?"

"Let's just say we learned lots about Dawson while playing I Never. The highlights including an orgy, anal oh and sex with a stripper. She threw her drink at him and took off," Amber's voice caught as she spoke and tears filled her eyes.

Pacey looked to Dawson, a horrified look on his face. "All of this was when you were with Joey?"

Dawson shrugged. "I don't know why you sound surprised Pacey. Pretty sure you were the one who delivered my asshole trophy."

"Okay so how long has she been gone for?"

Amber looked to Dawson and Jessie. "It's been almost two hours. Dawson seems to think she's not coming back unless we find her."

Pacey looked to Nicole, sitting on his bed wearing his robe. "I gotta go take care of this - okay?"

She nodded her head sadly.

8

"This is my least favorite place to find you, ever" he said tightly as he approached her sitting on the ground; her knees bent and her head on them. "The rape trail? Really?"

She picked her head up and looked at him. "Just because people like to call it the rape trail doesn't mean there's guys lined up just waiting to rape you. And I don't recall asking you to look for me."

He sat down on the ground next to her, and put his arm around her cold arms.

"Pacey, please. Don't touch me. Don't touch me with hands that were just touching her." He dropped his arm as if he had been burnt. She grabbed his hand and brought it under her nose and took a sniff. "Disgusting. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Listen toots, your friends were worried about you. I'm sorry I made the mistake of caring," he said tightly.

She stood up, and handed him his jacket. "You can go back to fucking Nicole now. I'm fine. I'm not your problem anymore."

He slowly stood up, as he considered what to say. "Jo, no matter what happens between us, if you are in pain, it will always be my problem."

"Just for the record, this … me … running away. It's not because I want to be with him or anything. But … how could he do all those things while claiming he loved me?" she explained, finding herself softening a little.

Pacey regarded her silently, unsure of what to say.

"And how can you … do you think it doesn't tear me apart when I see the two of you together? How could you just kiss her with such blatant disregard for my feelings?" her eyes blazing, tears forming as she looked to him for answers.

He took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry about that. She showed up unannounced. I wasn't thinking … I'm sorry Jo."

She bit her lip as she looked at him. "I need you to be honest with me. You really don't want anything with me? I need to know. Do I sit around waiting for you? Or should I be moving on?"

He took a deep breath. "I … I know this is confusing. I don't know what to tell you. Something in my gut is just telling me that you and I are not right together. I know it's not the answer you want to hear, and it's not the answer I want to give."

"Just say it," she said angrily.

He met her eyes. "I don't want a relationship with you. You should move on. But I really hope we can stay friends, because I need that."

Her eyes narrowed. "Yes because this is all about what you need. Because you're a pussy Pacey."

"Did you just call me a pussy?" A flicker of amusement crossed his face.

"I don't believe you. That kiss you gave me on the track. You can't tell me that you don't want something. You're just scared. You've always been scared. Anytime you've gotten close to something real with me - you've pushed me away. You made sure I'd catch you kissing Jen after our closet kiss. You wrote me a shitty poem instead of telling me how you felt junior year, you blamed Dawson all last year. And I have no idea what's going through your head right now. But I am standing here, telling you I love you and want to be with you and you are…"

"Joey?" A voice called. They both turned and looked at the bright flashlight, wincing against the light.

"Mark?" Joey asked as the voice got closer. The flashlight lowered, revealing Mark. "Oh my God! Mark, what are you doing here?" She asked cautiously, observing his Umass security hat and jacket.

"Are you okay?" He asked worried, his eyes flickering over to Pacey.

"Yes, I'm fine. But…"

"Amber called me. I think she's called everyone you've ever talked to. I just got off my shift, so I told her I'd come help look for you. Somehow I figured I'd find you here."

"Mark," he said holding out his hand to Pacey.

"Pacey," he said gruffly.

"Ahhh, of course," Mark said, his voice tight.

He turned to Joey. "Did you want me to leave you to it?"

She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes hurt and angry. "I'd say we're about done here."

Mark looked back and forth between Pacey and Joey, slowly removing his jacket and placing it on her shoulders. "You look freezing."

She gratefully accepted the warmth. "I can't believe Amber called you," she muttered.

"She's got half your dorm looking for you. And now Umass security."

Oh God," Joey moaned as they started walking back towards the dorm. "I don't think I can go back."

Mark's eyes darted back to Pacey, following a couple steps behind them. "You're welcome to come back to my room for the night Joey. I know you said you didn't want to see me but…"

"Mark," she said softly, hating to have this conversation in front of Pacey. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

He smiled at her. "I got it, but if things have um… changed? I'd like to be here for you."

Joey glanced back towards Pacey, his eyes downcast as they exited the "rape trail". Mark's car was parked right at the end. He'd known exactly where she would be. She then looked over toward the dorm, watching as flashlights flicked around the surrounding area.

"Look," Mark said gently. "I promise you I will keep my hands to myself. Pacey can tell everyone you're safe. Come back with me?"

Joey bit her lip looking to Pacey. "Can you tell Amber?" She asked softly. Her eyes silently pleading with him to say something to stop her from going with Mark.

Pacey shifted his eyes from Joey to Mark. "What about your tongue Mark, are you going to keep that to yourself too?"

Joey inhaled sharply, and Pacey briefly met her eyes; horrified at the myriad of expressions that flashed across them: hurt, anger, and then worst of all disappointment.

Mark laughed awkwardly as Joey abruptly turned and walked over to Mark's car and got into the passenger seat.

He met Pacey's eyes, "well Pacey, thanks to you, looks like I might not have to."

He lifted two fingers to his mouth, spread them, and flicked his tongue a couple times, then flashed Pacey a charming smile and headed to his car.


	26. Chapter 26

**I got lots of reviews so I decided to update again! I love hearing what you guys think! Please keep them coming!**

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"I may have just implied I was going to use my tongue on you tonight," Mark offered as he got into the car, glancing back at Pacey standing behind the car, not moving. "I'm sorry it was a dick move."

Joey laughed. "Pretty sure Pacey deserved it."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, putting his car in drive.

She shook her head. "No, not yet."

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"Amber, I found her," Pacey said, standing in her bedroom door.

Amber jumped up, relief all over her face. "Thank God." She ran over and hugged him tightly, before peering behind his back. "Um where is she?"

"She was feeling a bit embarrassed and so she went back to Mark's dorm room. Thanks, by the way, for calling him," Pacey said gruffly.

Amber shrugged her shoulders. "Pretty sure you have someone half naked in your room, who isn't Joey. So thanks for your help tonight Pacey."

"I gather you're team Joey," he muttered.

Amber sighed, looking disappointed. "Tonight, I'm team Amber. And Amber is done and going to bed. Dawson, you can leave too," she said looking over at Dawson, sitting quietly in the corner.

"Amber, please, we need to talk," Dawson begged as Pacey disappeared from her doorway.

"Not tonight Dawson."

He nodded his head, and slowly made his way out of her room, grabbing his pillow on the way.

Amber's phone rang as Dawson and Pacey left her room, and they heard her picking up the phone and shrieking Joey's name. Dawson turned to Pacey, his face ashen. "I tried to do everything right this time. I wanted to do everything right. God… I'm such an asshole."

Pacey shook his head. "I think I've joined your club. I've got to get back to Nicole... "

Dawson nodded his head and started down the hall, his head hanging.

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"Are you okay?" Amber asked. "I was really worried about you. The look on your face…"

"I'm okay Amber, and thanks … for being such a good friend and worrying. You were right to worry. I don't think I've ever felt so awful in all my life. I didn't even get to tell you about catching Pacey and Nicole making out before your party." Her voice was soft, Mark was watching her while he made up his roommates bed in a new set of sheets.

"I'm sorry I made you come to my party Joey. I had no idea those guys were coming. Or that Dawson was such a heartless bastard," Amber said angrily.

"Amber, none of this was your fault. And he was a heartless bastard to me, not you. He's different with you, I can see it in everything he says and everything he does. And I'll be honest with you, it's been killing me slowly. And I know you know I don't want to be with him, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt seeing how he's become with you. It's real Amber."

Amber nodded her head, sniffling into the phone. "Thanks Joey. So in other news, I met Mark. He's yummy!"

Joey laughed as she watched him across the room, trying to be such a gentleman. "I suppose."

"So there's nothing to stop you and him from being together now, right?"

"I suppose," Joey repeated.

"He's standing right there?" Amber asked, sensing Joey's discomfort.

"You got it," Joey grinned. She then lowered her voice, knowing Mark could still hear her. "Pacey told me it's never going to happen, and I should move on. I don't understand how it's so easy for him?"

"I'm sure it isn't Joey. But Joey, go get some okay? Pacey has obviously moved on, and so should you. Mark loves you, it was written all over his face. Stop obsessing over Pacey and have some fun."

"I'll try," she said. "I love you Amber, seriously. Thank you for being such a good friend."

"Love you too Joey," she said hanging up the phone. She looked up to see Pacey standing in her doorway.

"You're back," Amber stated dryly.

"So that's the advice you're giving eh?" Pacey said, his voice edged with hurt.

"Should I be giving her different advice?" Amber asked. "What are you doing back here Pacey?"

He walked into her room and sat down at her desk chair. "I actually just wanted to see if you were okay?"

She smiled softly at him. "Just when I thought the Pacey I knew no longer existed."

"He's in there … somewhere …" Pacey said quietly. "So, are you okay?"

"Well the logical part of me knows that all of this happened with her and not me. But then, what if he gets bored with me? And does that to me? How do I know it's for real?"

Pacey took a deep breath. "I don't know if you can ever know it's for real Amber. But I can tell you that the guy I see this year with you, is the guy I was friends with for years. He lights up when you enter the room, he's, well he's not an ass. His revelations tonight are pretty surprising to me, I had no idea he could be that heartless. But I think, maybe, you need to give him the benefit of the doubt? Just … keep your eyes open."

Amber nodded as she wiped the tears falling down her face. "You want to talk to me about why you're here talking to me, when you have Nicole in your room?"

Pacey shrugged. "Because I guess it's my turn to be the asshole? I don't know Amber, I wish I could explain what's going on in my head - because I don't like myself so much right now," he said sadly. "I'll talk to you later?"

Amber nodded her head, "Hey Pacey? I'm always here if you want to talk, ok?"

"Thanks, at some point I just may take you up on that."

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"So," Joey said awkwardly turning to Mark. "Um do you think maybe I could take a shower?"

"Yup, I'll grab you a robe. I think I still have some of that shampoo you like here," he said grinning as he turned his back to her. Joey surveyed his collection of photos hanging on his wall. The was one large photo of the two of them, standing on a bench of a church they'd visited frequently. The Church was high up on a hill, and you could see the entire town from where they were standing on the bench.

"Oh um," Mark said, feeling embarrassed as he realized just how many photos of the two of them had ended up on his wall. "I hope this doesn't make me look like a psycho. That was just a really happy time of my life. That church, that view, being there with you. I swear this isn't a creepy shrine to Joey."

She nodded her head as he handed her a towel, a robe and her favorite shampoo.

"And the shampoo?" She asked feeling slightly skeptical.

He laughed nervously. "I liked the smell of it. Shit… I sound like a creep. You left it behind in Mexico and I just hung on to it. Go shower, and then we can talk okay?"

Joey nodded her head, staring at the picture of the two of them on top of the church. In the picture, she was glowing, her smile is wide and happy, her eyes shining as if she never had a worry in the world. She wondered how to tell Mark that that girl he obviously still had such strong feelings for never really existed at all.

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"Hey," Mark said grinning as he slid "The Wedding Singer" into his VHS. "You said this was one of your favorites, right?"

Joey smiled, feeling shy as she went and sat on the bed next to Mark. How was it that all of spring semester they had been so close but here in the real world he felt like a stranger?

"You want to talk about what happened?" Mark asked, looking over at Joey as she sat on the side of his bed.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Honestly? I have no idea. I thought that… I guess I thought I'd come home and we would get back together. And I guess he didn't…"

"I'm sorry Jo, I know how much you cared about him." He hesitantly put his arm around her, feeling clumsy.

She settled back into him, wondering if the entire time in Mexico had ever really happened at all.

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"Hey beautiful," Mark said as Joey slowly opened her eyes. She started, confused as she stared at him.

"Um morning?"

"Okay I look psycho again, I swear I just woke up like thirty seconds before you did "

She nodded her head as she sat up in his bed. "I can't believe how deep I slept. Thank you for letting me sleep here, I appreciate it."

She wiped at her mouth, aware that she had most definitely been drooling. "Why does it feel like we've never shared a bed before?" He asked cautiously.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I think… maybe… we were different in Mexico. I know I was," she offered hesitantly.

"So do you think maybe, I could ask this Joey out on a date? Maybe get to know you again, and you get to know me?" Mark asked with hopeful eyes.

She felt her head nodding yes, despite her feeling that she already knew how this was going to end.


	27. Chapter 27

Please keep the reviews coming if you want me to keep posting!

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Pacey anxiously picked up the phone, hoping Joey wouldn't answer as he dialed her number. He breathed a sigh of relief when he got her machine.

"Joey, I just… fuck…" he looked at the phone irritated and waited for the prompt to 'erase and re-record' and hit the button.

"Joey, I'm so sorry about my behavior last night. Especially what I said to Mark at the end of the night. You were right about everything you said to me last night, I'm just not sure how to fix it." He stared at the phone, debating on hitting rerecord but instead placed the phone back on the receiver.

He looked out his window, and felt his breath catch. Outside he saw Joey and Mark, stretching, getting ready to go for a jog. He closed his eyes for a moment, willing the picture in front of him to disappear but when he opened his eyes, he saw her playfully swatting his arm as they started jogging away from the building.

Pacey felt his heart racing as he struggled to catch his breath. He stood up and made his way to Amber's room, his breath shallow on the way.

"Pacey?" Amber asked as she opened the door to him. "Are you okay?"

"No," he said, struggling to breath.

"What's going on? Come sit down. Do I need to call 911?" She asked worried as she put her hand on his arm and guided him to his chair.

He shook his head no. "No… it's a panic attack. I just … need you … to talk to me."

Amber nodded, turning to get him some water. She handed him a bottle. "Okay deep breaths. Has this happened before?"

He nodded his head. "Not for years. Not since my mom left."

"Drink some water Pacey," Amber suggested. "What usually helps?"

He slowly drank the water, feeling himself relaxing a bit. "Just being here helps. This is really embarrassing…"

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about it. Do you want to talk about it though? Do you know what triggered this?"

Pacey took a deep breath and slowly met her eyes. "I saw Joey and Mark going for a jog together," he mumbled.

"Ahhhhh," Amber said slowly. "Suddenly it all makes sense."

"Oh don't psychoanalyze me. Just because I used to have panic attacks when my mom left and just had one watching Joey with Mark does not mean that I'm in love with her." Pacey said gruffly.

Amber raised one eyebrow. "I don't think I have to say it. You just did. But dude… I don't get it. You told her you don't want anything. You pushed her right to this. What the fuck is going on with you?" She asked, feeling exasperated.

He shrugged his shoulders and took a large gulp of water. "You know, if there's one thing that's been constant in my life, it's how I feel about her; and how she doesn't feel about me. And I knew how to deal with that. I knew how to take those feelings and shove them away and ignore them. But… I don't know what to do with this…"

"Um… kiss the girl and live happily after?" Amber suggested.

He sighed. "I don't know how to explain this, I wish I did. It's just… if we give this a go, and it falls apart, there's no coming back from that. What's happened so far, I know we can. She will forgive me eventually, and she and I can be friends again."

"And what, you'll just continue to stay not so secretly in love with her forever? Because you're scared you'll lose her? Pacey; this is ridiculous," Amber got up and walked over to her dresser and rummaged through her papers.

"What are you looking for?" Pacey asked, looking at her confused.

She walked over to him and pressed a piece of paper into his hand. "The number for the Umass psychology department. This is the person Dawson sees. I'm probably not supposed to tell you that."

He looked down at the paper and back to Amber. "Um thanks… I think?"

"Call Pacey. They are open on Saturdays. In fact Dawson is down there now for an extra appointment based on certain incidents last night."

"Okay I will," he began as Amber slid her phone towards him.

"Now."

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"Thanks for the jog Mark," Joey said as he walked her to the room. She looked at him, waiting for him to head back to his room.

"Oh um… okay. So date tonight? Maybe that mini golf place past the mall?"

"Sure okay, that sounds fun. I'll see you later."

Mark shuffled awkwardly and then abruptly turned and walked down the hall. Joey let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and unlocked her door. She remembered how when she first started dating Mark in Mexico how instant couple everything had felt. She just wasn't sure why this feeling made her feel like bolting.

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"So, I guess I should get going," Pacey suggested as the episode of Friends they were watching finished.

"You're welcome to stay as long as you want Pace."

"I'm good now. Thanks for being such a good friend. Especially since I haven't really been a good one to you this semester."

"I'm here for you anytime. I want to hear how your first appointment goes, okay?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I will be sure to tell you all about the mommy and daddy issues we discuss."

Amber smiled. "I can't wait."

Pacey opened the door, his mouth opened slightly as there Joey stood about to knock.

"Joey," he said softly. "Did you um… did you get my message?" He closed the door behind him leaving him and Joey in the hall by themselves.

"Yeah I did," she said, not meeting his eyes.

"I need you to know how sorry I am. Not just about last night, but about everything. About not calling you this summer, about making you feel like anything you did was wrong, about letting you catch me with her, about expecting that you and I could just fall back into our old friendship."

"Wow, that's a lot of sorrys," Joey said hesitantly.

"Please, just… tell me how to fix this, tell me what I can do?" He implored. She looked to his eyes, noting how pale his face looked, how pained his eyes were.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I want something you can't give me."

He took a deep breath. "Okay then." He turned and started to walk away.

"Time," she said softly.

He quickly turned back to her. "Did you say something?"

"I said I need time. Okay?" She tucked her hair behind her ears as she looked at him sadly.

"Okay, I can do that. See you around Jo," he gave her a slight grin, his eyes glimmering with hope. She found herself offering a bit of a smile in return.

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"Wow, you really suck at this," Joey laughed as Mark missed yet another shot.

"I swear I'm not usually this bad at this. I think I just find you distracting," he suggested as he finally hit his ball into the hole.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that buddy" Joey said as he picked up his ball and they headed to the next hole.

They stood awkwardly as the couple in front of them was still playing through the course.

"Did you?" Joey began just as Mark said "So I". They both laughed as Mark fiddled with the score card.

"God this is weird," Joey muttered. "It feels like that scene in the movie Ground Hog Day."

Mark looked at her skeptically "you feel like we've already lived this day?"

Joey laughed a little. "No, there's this scene where Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell have this magical night, and so the next day he tries to recreate the magic again, but he just can't recreate it."

"Oh Jesus - I didn't realize it was going that bad," Mark groaned. "How about this isn't a date, okay? It's just two old friends hanging out. I feel like maybe we're both putting too much pressure on ourselves to make it feel like it did. And I don't think it can. So let's just be you and me, and relax and have some fun?"

Joey felt herself relaxing as he smiled at her. "Thanks for understanding Mark."

"And now that that's out of the way… prepare to have your ass kicked."

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"So then what?" Amber asked as Joey stretched out on Kate's bed.

"So we finished playing mini golf and he took me back to my room and kissed me on the cheek and left."

"Oh Joey, seriously?" Amber moaned. "What happened to that girl who got some in Mexico?"

"Honestly Amber, I have no idea. It just doesn't feel right. I don't know if it ever did. I mean we had that magic weekend in Acapulco and then… it just felt like he was too into me."

"Maybe you just don't know what it's supposed to feel like? I mean obviously you don't have the best track record." Amber teased.

"So you're saying I should ignore my gut and keep seeing him?" Joey asked cautiously.

"I'm saying you think too damn much. Stop thinking and start acting!"

"Okay okay, I'll work on it. So tell me about Dawson?"

Amber sighed and handed Joey a beer from her fridge and took one for herself. She took a long drink as she thought about what to say. "I just don't know how I can ever trust him. I mean I guess this is what happens when you get together with a guy you met when he was cheating on his girlfriend."

"Amber, you know it's not like that. I really do think he cares about you. It's real."

"You and Pacey keep saying that, and I guess you guys know him better than anyone. But… should it really be this hard?"

"It's only hard because we are far too incestuous. Normally you wouldn't be hanging out with your new boyfriend and his ex."

"Seriously dude… get the fuck out … I need some new friends." Amber laughed as she reached her beer out to clink with Joey's.

"Maybe you should call Logan," Joey teased carefully. Wondering if Amber had any idea how Logan felt about her.

"Woah woah girlfriend. You selling your boy down the river already? What happened to Dawson's feelings being real?"

Joey laughed. "I don't know, trying to give you a little of your own advice back?"

"Okay fuck this talking - let's get the hell out of here."

"Yes ma'am," Joey said, saluting Amber and standing up.


	28. Chapter 28

I somehow messed up and couldn't end this update where I wanted (it was either too short or too long). Anyway - I better get writing because I'm almost caught up to where I am in the story. Please keep the reviews coming!

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"I can't believe you rented Ground Hog day!" Joey said settling into Mark's bed. She had seen him a couple times since their disastrous date, determine to give him the chance he deserved.

"I thought maybe we'd see what we can learn about re-creating magic!" Mark said placing his arm around her. "Unless you fall asleep again?"

"Oh haha, I won't fall asleep," she complained as she hesitantly snuggled into him, placing her head on his chest. And promptly fell asleep five minutes later.

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"Mark, phone," Joey said, the sound of his ringer filling the room.

"Huh?" He asked groggily as Joey sat up. He picked up the phone. "Hello? Okay."

He handed the phone to Joey. "It's Amber?"

"Amber?" Joey asked putting the phone ot her ear. "What.. "

"Pacey's dad had a heart attack. He just called me from the hospital. I know you guys aren't…"

"Did his dad?" Joey asked hesitantly.

"No he's in the hospital… I just thought…"

"Can I borrow your car?" Joey asked grabbing her sneakers and putting them on.

"You can borrow mine," Mark offered. Joey looked up at him from her sneakers.

"Hang on a sec Amber." She said into the phone and then looked at Mark. "It's Pacey. His dad had a heart attack…"

"You can take my car Joey. I don't need it." He offered, his eyes slightly betraying his smile.

"Mark, you're amazing," she said, her smile wide and genuine. "Amber I'm all set. I'll call you when I hear something. Dawson's not heading down right?"

"No, he felt like his presence wouldn't help things, but that yours might?"

"Okay, I'll be in touch." Joey hung up the phone and looked to Mark who was holding out his keys to her.

"I'm going to say something I'm going to really regret," Mark said as he placed his keys in her hand. "Whatever this is, or isn't, we haven't really started yet. I don't want you thinking that I have any expectations of commitment here."

"Mark," she breathed, standing up and embracing him. "You don't have anything to worry about. Because I really do hope this is. And you, standing here handing me your car keys like this just proves to me what an amazing person you are."

She raised herself onto her tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Thanks again."

He stood still, as he watched her leave the room, wondering just how much he would regret his declaration.

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Joey felt nervous as she slowly entered the hospital waiting room. She'd been so sure of her decision to drive down to be with him, but as scanned the room for signs of Pacey and his family she found herself doubting her decision. What if Nicole was there? What if he didn't want to see her?

And then, there he was. Their eyes met across the room, and he smiled at her. He stood up, and walked towards her, taking long confident steps. "You're here," he breathed as he pulled her into his arms and clung to her tightly. "You're here," he repeated, as if he couldn't believe it. She heard him take a large breath, and let it out slowly, and she realized he was trying hard not to cry. "It's all my fucking fault," he muttered as he finally and reluctantly pulled away.

"What do you mean it's all your fault? What happened?" Joey asked.

Pacey sighed uncomfortably. "I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear the story."

"Look, here's the deal Pacey. We are on a truce this weekend. You can tell me anything. I promise you I am not going anywhere. Because ten years from now, you and I will have no idea what we were fighting about, just that we were here together when this happened," she said, reaching out and taking his hand. "So I'm assuming something happened with Nicole?"

"So, apparently Gabby played hide and seek in my room and hid under my bed and found my bong, and a bag of weed I didn't even know was there. So my dad called me and told me I needed to come home and have a talk with him. But he was working until six, so I had Nicole over…." he took a deep breath as he searched Joey's eyes to see how she was processing the story. "So then… well… you know… and my dad came home and caught us. And he lost it… he screamed at me like he hasn't in years. Some crap about me flushing my life down the toilet and asking what I was doing with trash like Nicole. And I yelled back at him. I said awful things about how why my mom left, and how much the two of them fucked me up. And then I stomped out of my house with Nicole. Then Julie called me at Nicole's to tell me he had a heart attack. God Jo, I keep replaying everything in my head over and over. What he said to me, what I said back." Pacey wiped away a tear rolling down his face as Joey clung tight to his hand.

"Pace… I don't think you can blame one moment for what happened. It just as easily could have happened on a traffic stop, a fight with someone at work," Joey offered hesitantly.

"Joey!" a small voice interrupted.

"Becca!" Joey exclaimed, letting go of Pacey to hug his twelve year old sister. "Look how grown up you are!"

"I'm glad you're here Joey," Becca said excitedly. "Are you going to come sit?"

Joey allowed Becca to lead them over to Pacey's step mother Julie, and his half sister Gabby. Gabby stood up and shyly smiled at her. "Hey Gabby, I used to babysit you lots, do you remember me?" Joey asked leaning down to Gabby.

Gabby smiled, "You brush hair good!"

Joey smiled back at her. "I can't believe you remember!"

Julie then stood up and hugged Joey tightly. "Thank you so much for being here." Joey had never admitted to Pacey, but she'd always liked Julie. She was a great match for Pacey's father, calm where he was irate, and gentle and understanding when he wasn't.

"Mrs Witter, can we talk to you for a moment?" the nurse interrupted.

"Want me to take Gabby and Becca to the play area downstairs?" Joey offered as Julie's eyes flicked to Gabby.

"Joey, you're an angel, that would be amazing," she sighed with relief.

"You okay with them?" Pacey asked. "I want to hear what they have to say."

"I'm good," Joey said as Gabby took her hand.

"Play place! I've never gotten to play here after my bedtime!" Gabby said excitedly.

Joey allowed Gabby to lead her and Becca towards the elevator. Joey turned back to Pacey and gave him a reassuring smile.

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"So this doesn't mean you and Pacey are dating, right?" Becca asked sitting next to Joey, while Gabby made a beeline for the small slide.

Joey shook her head. "Sorry kiddo, your brother and I are just friends."

"His choice or yours?" Becca asked.

Joey smiled slightly. "You don't change at all, do you?"

"Nope, I've been waiting for you two to get together forever!" Becca exclaimed. "Plus Nicole is a huge bitch…"

"Becca!" Joey exclaimed, her jaw dropping. "She's not that bad."

"If you say so," Becca shrugged. "But if you want my opinion, I say he's always been in love with you."

"Sorry kiddo, but I don't think that's the case." she said quietly.

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"Hey Julie," Joey said softly as she approached the waiting room chair; Gabby asleep on her shoulder. "Do you want me to take the girls back to the house and put them to bed for you?"

Julie looked up, tears in her eyes and then looked over to Pacey. "Why don't you both take the girls home. I can call you if anything changes."

Pacey looked from Julie to Joey. "Are you sure you'll be okay here?" he asked.

Julie smiled wearily. "I'll be fine here. Please try to go get some sleep. And get the girls some sleep." She paused for a moment, putting her hand on Pacey's shoulder. "And just so you know, this is not your fault. John hasn't been taking care of himself for a while now. The doctors had already warned him he needed to take better control of his diet and his stress level. So please Pacey, don't beat yourself up over this."

Pacey reached out and hugged his stepmother tightly. "Thanks Julie. Please call us if you need anything."

Julie handed him her car keys and sat back down, looking very tired and alone.


	29. Chapter 29

Thanks all for the reviews. Please keep them coming!

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"Okay I think they are both down," Joey said entering the kitchen. "I only had to sing about ten different songs to Gabby."

"Thank you so so much for being here. Especially after everything that happened recently. I haven't been a very good friend to you," he said placing a warm hand on her shoulder.

"Truce," she warned. "We are not talking about that this weekend."

"Okay fine," he sighed. "I'll set you up in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch. Are you okay sleeping in one of my shirts? Unless you want to go home to your dads?"

"I don't think he'd appreciate me showing up unannounced at midnight. Your shirt is fine. But I'm sleeping on the couch," she said firmly.

"No Joey, don't be ridiculous. You go sleep in my bed, I'll take the couch," Pacey insisted.

"Listen Pacey," Joey began with exaggerated sweetness. "If we weren't on a truce, I would tell you that there is no way I'm sleeping in the bed you just fucked Nicole in. But since we are, I'm just going to insist on the couch, and you won't object."

Guilt painted Pacey's face as he nodded. "Got it. I'll get you a shirt"

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Joey awoke to the front door crashing open. She hopped off the couch on high alert. She came face to face with Pacey's mom.

"What the fuck?" Janice asked, her breath reeking of booze as she scanned Joey dressed in nothing but Pacey's long Patriots shirt. "He has a girl over? You're fucking him while his dad is in the hospital?"

"No, Janice, I'm Joey Potter." Janice blinked at her in confusion. "I grew up down the road?"

Janice laughed. "Oh Mike's daughter. Of course. Look at you all grown up and all kinds of hot. I bet he can't keep his hands off of you. I hope you're still too smart to give him the time of day though?" she said noticing the pillow.

"What are you doing here Janice?" Joey asked bluntly.

"Julie left me a message that John had a heart attack. I thought I'd come see my girl Becca and make sure she's all set," Janice's speech slurred as she spoke. "Where is she?"

"Janice," Joey said calmly. "It's almost one in the morning. She's sleeping. I"m sure she would love to see you in the morning."

Janice sighed loudly. "Fine, I'll just go sleep in John's bed." She let out a loud smelly burp as she turned towards her old bedroom.

"Janice," Joey said sharply. "You are not sleeping in their bed. Come sleep on the couch. I'll just go share with Pacey."

Janice's lips curled into a slight smile. "Perhaps she's not quite as smart as I thought. You're too good for him sweetie. Make sure he sleeps on the floor,"Janice said as she sank her body onto the couch.

"Janice. I don't know what your problem is, but your son is amazing. He's smart and sweet and if anything were to happen with him, I would consider myself pretty damn lucky. Even if he does have a shitty mom." Without looking back to her, Joey opened Pacey's door and quickly closed it behind her.

Pacey looked up from smoothing sheets on his bed with an apologetic look on his face. "I um… I changed the sheets."

She nodded her head as she walked over to his bed. He was wearing nothing but boxers, and she struggled to keep herself from scanning the length of his body. She closed her eyes for a moment, wondering how she had found herself here again.

"Thanks for what you said to my mom," Pacey said sitting down next to her and sliding close. "No one's… no one has ever stood up for me like that."

Joey nodded her head, her entire body tingling as she felt his leg pressed against hers. "I think we need to go to sleep Pace. I'm sure the kids are going to be up early."

"If you hand me a pillow, I can sleep on the floor," Pacey offered, looking down at the floor.

Joey rolled her eyes. "Pacey, your bed is enormous. I'm pretty sure we can both share it."

He nodded his head and looked around awkwardly. "Did you want me to put a shirt on or anything?"

"Because you're such a big stud I won't be able to keep my hands of your muscular chest?" Joey taunted.

Pacey grinned. "Sorry for trying to make you comfortable. I won't make that mistake again."

They both climbed under the covers, their bodies on opposite sides of the bed and he turned the light out.

"Night Jo" he whispered into the darkness.

"Pacey" Janice's voice filled the room as the door burst open. "I hear you tried to off your dad. Here's to hoping this one sticks!"

Pacey lay next to her silent, his breathing shallow, as if he were struggling to breath.

"Janice, it's late. Do you need something?" Joey asked wearily as she felt Pacey slide his hand into hers.

"Joey, I forgot to ask you how your dad is?" Janice said, leaning against Pacey's bedroom wall.

"He's fine Janice," Joey said tightly.

"Tell him to give me a call. It's been awhile since he fucked me into tomorrow," she grinned and then thudded out of Pacey's room, slamming the door behind her.

Joey inhaled a ragged breath as Pacey slid closer to her. "So that happened," Joey said quietly. "Do you think it's true?"

She heard Pacey sigh in the darkness. "I had a theory for a while. She used to have me watch Becca when she had guys over to the house while my dad was at work. Your dad did come over once or twice. She said it was to fix the air conditioner or something, but I had my doubts."

"When my mom was still alive?" Joey asked in a quiet voice.

"When she was in the hospital," Pacey whispered, almost afraid to speak the words out loud.

Joey choked back a sob and Pacey hesitantly reached over and pulled her close to him. "Your dad never treated me the same after that. I'm sorry she's so horrible," he offered as he felt Joey reach her arms around him and place her head on his chest.

"I'm sorry she is too," Joey said, acutely aware of how close to him she was, and how little clothing he was wearing. She took a deep breath. "But Pacey, just because you have a horrible mom, it doesn't make you any less wonderful or less deserving of happiness. Okay?"

"Thanks for saying that. Do you know, I haven't seen her in a year? Nice reunion huh?"

Joey moved in closer to him, their arms tightly wrapped around each other. "It was a shitty reunion Pacey. I'm so sorry."

"Thank you for being here Joey. I don't think I could have survived this without you."

"Remember how you told me if I'm in pain you will always be there for me? I guess the feeling is mutual. Night Pace."

"Night Jo," he whispered softly.

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"Joey," came a little voice. Joey slowly opened her eyes to Gabby standing in front of her.

"Oh hey kiddo," she said softly. "Do you need breakfast?" She slowly untangled herself from Pacey, attempting not to wake him.

Gabby nodded. "Becca's making pancakes but I don't know if she knows how."

"Let me get dressed and I'll be right out Gabs," Joey whispered as she pulled her jeans on. She glanced over at Pacey's sleeping form as she quickly put her bra and sweater on from the day before.

"Hey Joey!" Becca said as Joey exited the room. "I guess you and Pacey had a sleepover?"

"Your mom showed up last night… is she still here?" Joey asked looking around the house.

"No," Becca said wrinkling her nose as if she was trying not to cry. "She left a note."

 _Satin called, Johns out of surgery and is going to be fine. Better luck next time_

"Who is satin?" Becca asked as Joey read the note.

"I think it's supposed to be Satan," Joey said rolling her eyes. "Let get breakfast in us and then we can head over to the hospital."

Joey watched Becca stir the pancake batter, "should we add chocolate chips?" Joey asked.

Becca grinned at her, "because that's how Pacey likes them?" she teased as she pulled down the chocolate chips.

"I like chocolate chips!" Gabby yelled as Becca started adding them to the mix.

Pacey poked his head out of his bedroom. "Hey ladies, how's it going out here?"

Joey walked over to him and spoke in a hushed tone. "I guess Julie called and your mom answered? She left a note. But looks like she's gone"

Joey handed him the note. "Lovely as always," Pacey muttered.

"The girls wanted to make pancakes and then we can head to the hospital?"

Pacey nodded as he placed a hand on Joey's shoulder. "I don't know what I'd do without you Jo."


	30. Chapter 30

Okay no idea what happened with the last chapter post. Hopefully this one turns out right. On the bright side - I got some reviews :p Please keep them coming!

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Pacey once again slipped his hand into Joey's as they walked into the waiting room. Julie rushed over to them and hugged them both. "He's going to be okay," she sniffled against Pacey.

She reached down and hugged the girls. "How'd they do?"

"Pacey tried to put me to bed in my clothes," Gabby giggled.

Julie laughed. "Well if that's the worst thing that happened I'm pretty sure they did good. Can you girls go sit down?"

The girls giggled as they headed towards Julie's seat and sat down.

"So Janice was over?" Julie asked, her face concerned.

Pacey shrugged his shoulders. "It was a short visit. She left right after you called. It was a very heartwarming family reunion."

"I wish she'd just stay away from you guys and let you move on," Julie muttered as she pulled Pacey in for a hug. Joey watched in surprise as Pacey actually returned the hug.

"Are you ready to go see him?" Julie asked.

Pacey nodded his head. "Yup, Jo you can go if you need to get back to school?"

"I'll wait til you're done," she offered firmly.

He nodded his head and smiled as he disappeared behind the hospital doors.

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"Hey son," John said as Pacey entered the room and sat down next to him.

"Dad, I'm so sorry," Pacey began, tears filling his eyes as he looked at his dad, pale and attached to an IV.

"Pacey," his dad sighed. "I was so afraid I was going to die and you were going to think I meant all those awful things I said to you. It's frustrating as a parent, watching your kid do dumb things. But those dumb things don't define you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for getting your grades together, for getting into college, for actually getting decent grades in college. I guess I'm just always scared you're going to slip back into your rebellion years."

"I'm trying hard not to," Pacey said softly.

"I know your mom and I put you through a lot. I know things were horrible for a really long time. You witnessed way more fights and drinking and god knows what else than a kid ever should. I wish I could redo that time over, but no matter what, I can't change your mom. But I can change me, and I've been trying to."

Pacey nodded his head as he reached out and took his dad's hand. "I'll try to do better."

John nodded. "Me too."

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Pacey wiped his tears as he walked over to his family. "He's ready for the kids now."

"You okay Pacey?" Julie asked, placing a concerned hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine, thanks Julie. And thanks for being a good mom to me this weekend," he added with a hesitant smile.

Julie's face glowed as she smiled. "Thanks Pacey. Come on girls, let's go see your dad."

Pacey turned to Joey. "Thanks for sticking around. It did make it easier knowing you were out here waiting."

"Was it awful?" she asked cautiously.

"No, kinda the opposite. Kinda the first time he acknowledged all the hell he and my mom put me through. I'm good now. I promise. You should get back to school. I'll walk you to your car."

She nodded and the two of them walked to the elevator in silence.

"You okay Pace?" Joey asked finally, as the elevator opened at the parking garage.

"I'm just thinking," he said softly.

"Anything you want to share?"

"I'm thinking about a lot. About everything my dad said to me. About watching you stand up to my mom. About how amazing you were the past twenty four hours. About why we aren't together," he said hesitantly as he raised his eyes to meet hers.

"We aren't together because you ripped out my heart and did the mexican hat dance on it… you do remember that right?" she said calmly as she led him towards her car.

Pacey winced. "You know I never meant to hurt you, right?"

She shrugged her shoulders as she pulled her keys out.

"Whose car is this?" Pacey asked as she hit the unlock button.

"Mark's" she said quietly as she met his eyes.

"Oh," Pacey strained. "Because you were with him when Amber called you."

"You told me to move on Pacey. You told me there was nothing between us," she said, her voice pained.

"I lied," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"Pacey… this isn't fair! You don't get to jerk me around! You said move on, I moved on… end of story," she said flatly.

"Is it?" he asked putting his hand on her shoulder. "You're really telling me there's nothing here? Jo… look, I'm ready to give this a go."

She stepped backwards away from his hand. "You're ready to give this a go?"she asked incredulous. "Well excuse me while I swoon! I've waited… what eight years… just to hear the magic words 'let's give it a go'?" she spun around and started walking to the car.

"Wait Joey," he called.

She turned around and looked at him. "Look Pacey, I'm not closing the door. But if you really were ready to be with me, you wouldn't have been fucking Nicole yesterday. Here's the downside of my new found confidence Pace. I know I deserve better."

He nodded his head. "Got it. Message received," he said tightly.

"Not better than you, better than this." she explained, unsure how to interpret his expression.

"Thanks for being here this weekend Jo. I'm sorry… I'm sorry I said anything."

"I'm not," she said, offering him a crooked smile. "I'm just waiting for you to say something better."

She got into the car and closed the door. He took a couple steps out of the way so she could back up. He stood in the same spot long after her car had left the parking garage, wondering if he would ever find the right words.


	31. Chapter 31

Okay let's hope for no funky formatting - please review if you're reading!

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Joey intended to drive back to Umass, but somehow she found herself parked in her father's driveway behind a car she didn't recognize.

"Dad?" she called as she opened the front door.

"Joey, um.. What are you doing here?" her dad asked as his head poked up from the couch. She couldn't see who else was on the couch, but knew someone was there.

"Did you fuck Pacey's mom?" Joey asked, the words tumbling out of her mouth.

Mike took a deep breath as he glanced back towards the couch. "Joey… I don't know what Pacey told you…"

Joey laughed. "He didn't tell me anything. His dad had a heart attack yesterday and I spent the day with his family. Janice showed up drunk and decided to enlighten us."

"He what? Is John okay?" Mike asked.

"He will be okay. Can you answer the question?" she implored.

"Joey… I don't know what to say," Mike fumbled.

"It's a simple question dad. Yes or no?" Joey said.

Mike sighed. "Yes Joey. Multiple times. I'm not proud of it. I was grieving."

"Sounds like it," Joey said dryly. "So all the times you warned me off Pacey, told me he was no good. Did you really think what you said?"

"Joey… I don't know how someone who comes from a family like that can be in a healthy relationship," Mike offered as he reached his hand out and put it on her arm.

"As opposed to someone from this family?" Joey snapped. "Nice to see you dad. And whoever your friend is."

She turned and stomped out of the house.

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"Hey Amber," Joey said hesitantly as she walked into the room and found her balled up on her bed crying.

"I'm glad you're back," Amber sniffled. "Is Pacey's dad okay? Are you two speaking again?"

"Yes his dad will be okay. What's going on with you? Why are you crying?" Joey asked hopping up on her bed and rubbing her back.

"I can't get past it. I know it's not even my past to get past. But I just don't think I can be with someone who did all those things."

"Amber, I know how you two feel about each other…" Joey began softly.

"Sometimes that's just not enough. You of all people should know that," Amber muttered as Joey wrapped her arms around her.

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"Jo," Pacey said in surprise as Joey stepped out of Amber's room. She quickly closed the door behind her.

"Do not go in there, it is not a pretty sight!"

"Dawson said she broke up with him?" he asked with concerned eyes.

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "Apparently. I'm glad to see you back. Assuming everything is okay with the family?"

"Want to go talk in the lounge?" he asked looking to Amber's closed door. She nodded her head and wordlessly followed him to the lounge, sitting down on a couch next to him.

"So everything is good. My dad will have some recovery to do, and some diet changes and everything. But I feel like somehow, this was all a good thing. I feel like he and I said some things that needed to be said. And Julie… well you know I've never been the hugest fan of her. But I have to admit I was wrong. She's amazing, she's an amazing mom, and this weekend she was even an amazing mom to me."

"You finally got a family Pace," Joey reached out and touched him on the leg. "I'm happy for you."

He looked down at her hand on his leg, and hesitantly placed his hand on hers. "Should we… can we talk … about us?"

"Sure Pacey," Joey said lightly. "Why don't you tell me all about why you rejected me this summer and we can go from there."

He sighed as he flicked his eyes up to hers. "I don't know if I can," he said softly.

"That's what I thought," she said snatching her hand back. "I've got to get going."

She stood up and Pacey reached up for her wrist. "Wait, I'd like to try."

She hesitantly sat back down, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Okay I'm listening."

He took a deep breath. "So… you know it wasn't because I thought you were a slut. Because you weren't. I just… I panicked. How I felt, that look on your face when you told me, something just snapped. I couldn't breath. I don't know how to explain it, except that I knew that you had way too much power over me. I just bolted."

Joey sighed, looking at his forlorn expression. "Bolted right to Nicole… how long was it until you were in bed with her?"

"That night," he said softly, playing with the seam of his jeans as he spoke. "Look Jo, when you get upset - you don't eat. I apparently fuck. It's how I've dealt with everything through my mom drinking and leaving, my dad remarrying. I just didn't realize it was just as unhealthy as you starving yourself."

"I don't know what to say," she said quietly.

"I didn't get to tell you yet, but I've been seeing a shrink. This whole time I thought it was your issues keeping us apart. Turns out it's been mine. My reaction was totally unfair to you. I guess I just… I just wasn't ready."

She nodded her head. "Okay. Well thank you for being honest."

"So where does this leave us?" he asked, trying to interpret her expression.

"It leaves us friends Pacey. I've got to get going. Maybe tomorrow we could go for a run together though?"

He nodded his head. "Okay. I'll take what I can get."

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"So," Mark said as he opened his door to Joey. "I almost don't want to open this door. Because I have a bad feeling what's coming."

She smiled at him. "I'm sorry Mark. Nothing happened with him. But.. I'm just not sure what you and I are doing here? I don't want to lead you on."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'd like to be your friend Joey. Stop trying to protect me, I'll worry about my own heart. You aren't leading me on. Now, I would like to go to the movies tonight, would you like to join me?"

"Sure… thanks Mark," she grinned.

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"Dawson?" Joey asked opening her door to him.

"Joey, I need you to tell me how to fix this with Amber?" he implored.

"You mean how to get her to forgive you for fucking people up the ass and fucking strippers while you were with me?" Joey lashed out at him. "Where's my fucking apology?"

"I thought we were okay?" Dawson asked hesitantly.

"I don't know anything anymore. I'd just like to know what's so great about sex that no one can keep it in their pants?" Joey said, tears forming in her eyes.

"What's going on here Jo?" Dawson asked gently.

"My dad slept with Pacey's mom. Pacey slept with Nicole. You slept with the entire world. I'm starting to think I just need to find someone and get it over with. Find out what all the fuss is about. Because sex is apparently all anyone is supposed to care about me wants."

"Your dad did what?"

"Dawson, just get the fuck out."

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Joey rubbed her eyes as she heard a loud knock on her door. She looked over at Jessie's bed to find it empty. She slowly hopped out of bed and made her way to the door.

"Dad?" she asked, her mouth dropping in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"Well you rushed out awfully quickly without giving me a whole lot of room to explain myself. I was just going to give you your space, but then Dawson called me,"

"Dawson called you?" Joey interrupted, staring in surprise at her dad.

"Look, can I come in your room?" Mike asked, peering around her to examine her room.

Joey opened her door wide and led her father to the two chairs at the back of the room.

"Nice room," her father said, as he slowly noticed all of Jessie's animals.

Joey wrinkled her nose. "My roomate is obviously very into animals. The ferret is a new addition," she said indicating to the cage under Jessie's desk. Mike watched the ferret play in it's cage for a minute before turning to Joey.

"Look kiddo, there's a lot that I can't explain to you. But I need you to understand… your mom and I… we had an agreement. I'm not proud of my behavior, but your mother had dismissed me from my marriage vows long before I slept with anyone."

Joey sighed as she continued staring at the ferret instead of her father. "I thought you were so wrapped up in your grief, and that's why you had no time for your daughter."

"I was Joey. Losing your mom was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. And sometimes grownups cope with things in ways that don't make sense. What happened with me and Janice obviously doesn't make sense to you. It hardly made sense to me. And while, to the best of my knowledge, John never found out, I let it ruin our friendship."

Joey turned and met his eyes. "So was it worth it?" she asked tightly.

Mike sighed. "The thing is Joey, our experiences make us who we are. I think I needed to hit that low point, to realize I needed to fix things. I know I wasn't a good dad to you. I allowed myself to focus on work, and to go on business trips for long periods of time and trusting that because you said it was fine, it was fine."

Joey shrugged her shoulders. "It was fine. Because even when you were home… you were still gone. It was almost easier on me when you were gone."

Mike took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry Joey. I'd like to be a better father to you. And I want to start by telling you that I am seeing someone. I'd like you to meet her, when you're ready. And someday I would like to ask her to be my wife. But not until you tell me you're ready."

Joey found herself shrugging her shoulders again. Somehow her father's apology was still all about him.


	32. Chapter 32

Hmm not a lot seems to happen on this update but the good bits seemed too long for it. So review if you want the next part!

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"These?" Joey asked holding up a pair of lace panties.

Amber wrinkled her nose. "They kinda look like something my grandmother might wear."

Joey laughed. "If your grandmother wears these - I'd like to meet her!"

"So remind me, why are we shopping for sexy underwear again Jo? I thought you broke up with Mark. So Mark? Pacey? Logan?"

Joey shook her head. "None of the above? All of the above? I just… I don't understand what I'm missing. Obviously it's something pretty important."

Amber laughed "Um.. Joey, I think it's different for guys than girls. I'm pretty sure you have some pretty damn unrealistic expectations of how everything is going to go."

Joey grabbed several pairs of the lace panties and sighed. "I think at this point I'd rather know than wonder. I have plans with Mark later… who knows… maybe he likes granny panties?"

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"Hey Amber, what's up?" Pacey asked as he exited the library just as she was about to head in.

Amber looked at him carefully. "I feel like I need to say something to you."

Pacey laughed. "I think you just did… or is there something else?"

"Joey bought cute undies," Amber said quickly.

"Umm good for her?" Pacey asked confused.

"Look, she's taking this whole your mom and her dad thing kinda hard. On the tail end of Dawson and you.. And I'm just worried she's going to do something dumb."

"And what do you want me to do about it?" Pacey asked, his brow creased.

"I just think, if you had anything you wanted to say to her, now would be the time to say it."

Pacey looked Amber in the eye. "Do you think it would matter?"

Amber nodded her head. "Absolutely. But seriously Pace … go find her now."

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Pacey stood outside of Joey's door and hesitated for a second before knocking.

"Pacey?" Joey asked opening her door to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I have no idea," Pacey muttered.

"Hey Pacey," Logan's voice called out.

"You have Logan here?" Pacey sighed. "Can I talk to you in the hall?"

Joey nodded her head and closed her door behind her.

"What's up Pacey? And why are you all sweaty?" she asked looking at him strangely.

"I feel ridiculous. Look, I ran into Amber. And she seemed to think that some underwear purchase meant that you were going to do something rash. And I just.. I didn't want you to do anything without me telling you how I feel."

Joey let out a little laugh. "Seriously? So you what? Rushed down here to interupt me before I spread my legs? Good news, I've still got all my clothes on. So go on then, tell me how you feel."

Pacey shuffled awkwardly as he stared at the hall rug. "I think you know how I feel."

"Honestly? I have no idea how you feel." she said tightly.

"You know… you know that … this was a dumb idea," he finally blurted out.

Joey sighed. "So I'm going to hang out with Mark tonight. Do you want to play this game again then?"

"Do I have to?" he asked, his eyes pained.

She looked at him intensely. "No. Not tonight. But if there's no answer to how you feel .. then please quit dicking me around Pacey."

She abruptly turned and opened her door back up. "We're studying for history. Did you want to join us?"

He looked back and forth between Logan and Joey and found himself nodding and entering her room. Anything to be around her.

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"Hey Dawson," Joey said, pausing as she passed him studying in the lounge on Amber's floor.

"Oh hey Jo," Dawson said, looking up at her with a sheepish smile.

"So... thanks for calling my dad I think," Joey said sitting down on the couch next to him.

"Look Joey, I owe you an enormous apology. I was wrong to assume that things would be okay between us. I never meant to treat you like you meant nothing," he said softly.

"So why did you Dawson? Why didn't you just break up with me? Why did you keep me hanging on for an entire year? Did you get some sort of sick pleasure in lying to me?" she asked, her eyes boring into his.

"Jo… college to me was a bit of being a kid in a candy store. And there was lots of candy. But I guess I still felt like I also needed to have a healthy dinner?" he suggested.

Joey rolled her eyes. "That is a terrible analogy."

"There's no excuse for my behavior Joey. Except that I put a lot of pressure on myself to feel a certain way about you. And part of me wanted to rebel against that pressure, and part of me knew you were amazing and I couldn't lose you."

Joey nodded her head. "Well I certainly understand the pressure part. I'm pretty sure my dad still thinks you and I will get back together and all will be right in the world again."

"I'm pretty sure you and I are much better as friends. And I'm sorry I was such a terrible one. How can I make it up to you Jo?"

She sighed. "I don't think you can. But you can learn from it and maybe not fuck your next relationship up so badly? And Dawson… maybe try a little honesty with Amber? You might find that it goes a long way."

He nodded his head. "Thanks Jo. And just for the record, I'm going to work really hard to make sure I'm a good friend to you."

She smiled softly. "Sounds good."

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"Dawson, hey," Amber said, finding him sitting outside of her dorm door. "How long have you been sitting here?"

"I thought we could play 'I never'," Dawson said standing up, his eyes glistening with slight tears.

"Why would I want to…" Amber began.

"I've never been so in love with a girl that the thought of her not forgiving me decimated me."

"Dawson…"

"I've never loved a girl so much that I would do anything for her," he implored.

Amber found herself smiling slightly. "Fine.. I've never given a complete dick another chance. Come on in, I'm willing to listen."


	33. Chapter 33

Okay well this next part is for Hope - thanks for bugging me. I've had a pretty horrible week - so it was nice to know I was missed! Keep the reviews coming if you want me to keep posting! Also - fun fact - Joey's roomate is very much based on a real room-mate I had. In our very tiny dorm room we had a snake, frog, ferret, bunny, live mice to feed them. You could smell our room when you got off the elevator. It was awful! And that damn ferret would always escape it's cage. And one time the live mice did. Shudder. Anyway - read away!

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Pacey nervously put his car in park and got out.

"Hey Nik," Pacey said sitting down next to her on her front porch.

"Hey Nik, I just came by to tell you it's not you, it's me." she said, a hint of hurt in her voice.

He sighed. "Look Nik…"

"Did you ever wonder why I slept with Dawson?" she asked, her eyes meeting his.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I never really thought about it in that way."

"Of course you didn't," she sighed. "You were secretly thrilled I slept with him because it gave you an excuse to end things with me, without having to admit the real reason it was over. Hell it was over before it ever began."

"I'm not following Nik."

"You think I didn't see how you looked at her? How she always came first? The two of you… always lost in your own little world. Dawson somehow thought he'd won, because he got to be her boyfriend. But I was never that foolish. And then he showed interest... and I wanted you to catch us, I wanted you to be jealous. But instead you just wrote me off like I was a piece of trash."

"I caught you fucking my former best friend. How did you think this would fix things?"

"I thought… I hoped… you'd realize how much you cared. Pretty fucking dumb huh?"

He reached out and put his hand on top of hers. "Nik…" he began as she snapped her hand away.

"Let me finish. When you came back to me, I didn't know what had happened with the two of you. And I didn't care. I think that was my first mistake. I thought, if I just tried really hard, maybe we'd have a chance. So I let you think I just wanted something casual… like you did. And while she was gone, it was great. I could almost pretend what we had was real. But then she came back. And suddenly she was everywhere. That night I visited you out at school, the way she looked at you, and you at her. Why the hell were you with me Pacey? I so obviously am not the person you want to be with. I'm pretty sure I never was."

He took a deep breath. "I never, ever meant to make you feel this way. I didn't realize you felt that way about me… about us. I feel absolutely terrible Nik. Especially that night you came out to visit me. I know I was closed off and cold and I hate myself for it. I was hiding from feelings I didn't know how to deal with, and I'm sorry I hid with you. It wasn't fair to you."

She wiped a tear off her face, and turned to him. "Thank you. That actually means a lot. But you know what… despite it all, I know that you do care. Because here you are with me. You could have just stopped calling, or called me and told me it was over."

"I do care. You're an amazing person. And I'm sorry I ever made you feel like you weren't."

Nicole stood up and offered him her hand, helping him to standing position. "Thank you, for coming to talk to me Pace… it means a lot."

He nodded his head and pulled her in tight for a hug.

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"Pacey," Joey hissed into the phone. "Thank God. I need you in my room… now!"

"Are you okay?"he asked.

"Just get down here."

Pacey quickly pulled his pants on and ran down the two flights of stairs to Joey's room. He knocked on her door.

"Come in fast and close the door right behind you," Joey hollered.

Pacey followed her instructions, staring at her as he shut the door behind him. A pajama clad Joey was standing on top of her bed holding a broom. "Get up here!" she hissed.

"Um Jo?" Pacey asked as he kicked off his slippers and climbed on to her bed, a cautious look on his face. "Why are we standing on your bed?"

"So did I mention that my roommate got a ferret?"

"No… I only heard about the snake… and the frog… and the live mice."

"Yeah so she got a ferret. And the thing about ferrets is that they are super smart. And Jessie is gone for the night and her ferret is somewhere in this room… not in it's cage.'

Pacey let out a laugh. "Are you for real?" he teased.

"Yes.. now… help!" she cried.

"Okay shhh," he said as they both stood completely still and listened for the animal.

"Under your bed," he whispered. He hopped off the bed and ducked under it.

"Come here you little bastard," he whispered.

Joey covered her eyes. "Be careful."

"Got it!" he exclaimed triumphantly standing up with the ferret firmly in his grasp. He walked over to the cage and gently placed the ferret in the cage and locked it.

"You okay?" he laughed walking back towards her.

She nodded her head, looking pale. "You know my feelings on rodents. How did I end up with this as my dorm-mate?"

"You want me to stay for a bit?" he offered, sitting down on her bed. She nodded her head as she sat down next to him.

"If you don't mind?" she asked softly, suddenly feeling awkward. "We could watch some tv?"

He reached out for the remote as Joey took her broom and used the handle to hit the light switch.

"Wow Jo… you have officially reached the height of laziness."

"That was not laziness," she said reaching for the remote from his hands. "There is no way I am setting foot on this floor. Ever again."

Pacey propped up her pillow against the wall and settled in next to her.

"I'm glad you were here… I thought you were going home for the weekend?" Joey asked, pressing the on button on the remote.

"Just the night. I wanted to see my dad. Also…" he paused for a moment. "I officially ended things with Nicole…"

"Oh," she said softly. Their faces both focused on the tv screen.

Joey hesitantly hit the mute button and turned to face Pacey, careful to keep space between their bodies.

"Hey Pace… are we ever going to talk about what happened this summer? The whole story? How you ended up back with Nicole?"

She hear him take a deep breath. 'You want the long or the short version?"

"Let's start with the short?"

"I'm a pussy," he offered with an awkward laugh.

"Seriously?" Joey groaned. 'Okay fine, the long version."

"Everything you said was right. I don't know how to explain it really. You know, I've gotten really good at pushing my feelings for you away. Really good at unrequited love. The thing is, this whole requited love, it scares the shit out of me. When you told me about Mark… I just panicked… hearing about you and him just killed me inside."

"But Pacey.." Joey began.

"I know what I told you. And I meant it when I said it. And I'm glad you got to have that experience. I just wasn't prepared for how it would make me feel. In a lot of ways Jo, you've been the only constant in my life. And I… I just needed to be able to be in control of my feelings. Turns out I've got a very carefully constructed way of keeping myself from getting hurt. So instead I ran to someone I knew couldn't hurt me, because I didn't care about her… or apparently myself"

"So … you were scared I'd hurt you?" she asked quietly.

"Turns out when your mom walks out on your family and your dad puts the blame on you, it can kinda fuck a guy up. Turns out just because you're charming and get laid, it doesn't mean you are a healthy place. I'm working on all this with the shrink. I just wish… I wish when it came to fight or flight, I hadn't flown away."

"So what about now?" she whispered.

He slowly and hesitantly brought his lips to hers, gently kissing her. "I"m ready to fight."

He tightly wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on her forehead. "I just hope you'll let me?"

"I told you I wasn't closing the door Pace," she said softly as she snuggled into him. "Thanks for being here tonight."

"Anytime Jo," he whispered; wishing he words she wanted to hear weren't stuck in his throat.

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"If you still have your clothes on, you definitely did it wrong," Jessie said loudly, waking the sleeping couple with a start.

"Thanks for the tip Jessie," Pacey said gently as he stretched next to Joey. "What time is it?"

"Shit," Joey said "we have class in thirty minutes."

Pacey reluctantly slid out of her bed. "I'll get out of here. But Jo… can I… do you want to go out to dinner tonight?"

Joey grinned. "Okay. That sounds nice. See you in class."


	34. Chapter 34

Thanks for the reviews - please keep them coming!

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Joey sighed as she unlocked her door and saw Jessie sitting on the bed. After hours studying in the library, she'd been looking forward to a nice quiet room before she and Pacey went out for dinner together.

"Hey Jessie, I thought you were going out tonight?"

Jessie grinned. "I was, but Pacey asked me to give you something before I did."

Joey looked at her curiously. "He what?"

Jessie handed Joey a single tulip with a note wrapped around the stem. "And now I've done my duty. And with that, I'm heading out for the night…. And there's condoms in my desk."

Joey shook her head at Jessie. "I can guarantee you I have no use for those. But thanks. Have a good night."

Joey quickly unwrapped the note.

"Jo - I never admitted this to you, but my biggest reason for choosing Umass wasn't the TAP program, or even the partial scholarship they offered me. It was you. The more I thought about not being able to see you, the harder it was to choose to go to UNH. Go find the place you accused me of stalking you." She found herself smiling as she made her way down to the dorm classroom, finding a tulip on the seat in the exact location she was sitting in when he first entered the classroom. She remembered how she felt seeing him that day, anxious, angry, never expecting where the year would take them. She picked up the tulip and unwrapped the next note.

"We shared nachos and shakes and laughs here. And this was the first time you invited me to sleep in your room. Go find where I was sitting." She shoved the note in her pocket and set off to Sweets N More. Laying on the couch was yet another tulip. She picked it up and quickly scanned the note.

"This was the location of the first time you got drunk. You claimed you were a champion drinker. You weren't. While you were sick, I rubbed your back and you leaned into me and actually let me take care of you. And I realized I didn't want to stop." She climbed the stairs up to Amber's room, finding her tulip taped to Amber's door. She picked it up, and read the next note.

"Our first messy kiss was followed by a rather amazing shower together." Joey sighed, realizing this one would require her going into the men's room. She cautiously looked around before quickly ducking into the men's bathroom. There - duct taped to the shower wall was another tulip.

"So now that you're ready to kill me for making you go into the men's bathroom - I have another confession. That poem that irritated you so much when I gave it to everyone girl I dated in middle school - I wrote it for you. Dawson told me not to be ridiculous and so I stuffed it away until my first "girlfriend". But you were the only one I ever wanted. Even then.

Joey you're so pretty, Joey you're so fine, Joey won't you please be mine? Come find me in your room."

Joey took a deep breath and found herself running to her dorm room. She opened the door to find Pacey standing in the middle of her room, holding 6 more tulips. She grinned wide at him. "What is this?"

"This would be the grand gesture part of our story," he laughed nervously as he held the flowers out to her.

She took the flowers and inhaled their scent. "I got you a vase too," he offered, pointing over to her desk. She placed the flowers in the vase, and turned to face him.

"What is this all about Pacey?" she asked, noting his face paling as he wiped his hands on his pants.

He took a deep breath. "So I just… I wanted to make my feelings clear." He hesitantly met her eyes. "I've been letting fear guide me for so long, I'm not quite sure how to stop. But I've been thinking about this all day. Well I've been thinking about this all year. I want to be with you more than anything. You and I both know the question isn't about how I feel; it's about if I can tell you how I feel. So I've tried to create a situation here where I have no choice but to tell you. So here it is." he took a deep breath as Joey smiled encouragingly. "I love you. I've always loved you. You said you were waiting for me to say something better. Well this is me, saying it all. I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to let myself love you. I want to show you just how much I love you. And now… this might be where you say something instead of letting me babble?"

"And that would be what I was waiting for," she said softly

He grinned widely, "So then… tonight is like an actual date?"

"Yup. Seems hard to believe with all the history between us we've never actually been on a date!" she smiled, her cheeks flushed with excitement as she looked at him.

He smiled hesitantly and placed a warm hand on her back. "Ready to go?"

"I've been ready for years," she teased.

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"Joey, what are you doing here?" Amber asked opening her door to Joey.

Joey walked into Amber's room and flopped onto her bed.

"It's not even ten. What happened to your date with Pacey?"

"I don't know," Joey moaned.

"All of that romantic shit with the tulips? Seriously why are you in my room and not off fucking him?" Amber asked hopping up on her bed next to Joey.

"We went out and had a really nice dinner. We caught up, we laughed and ate and then we came back to the dorms. He gave me a hug and said goodnight. That was our only physical contact the entire night. What the fuck? Are we dating? Are we friends? He said he loved me, and that he's ready. But he still seems scared."

Amber took her hand and pointed it towards Joey, moving her thumb around.

"What the hell are you doing?" Joey asked crossly.

"Using my imaginary remote to change the channel. Seriously Joey. The two of you are ridiculous. I've never seen two people so obviously in love make things so unnecessarily complicated."

Joey laughed. "Thanks Amber, glad I can count on you for support. Tell me again how easy it's going forgiving Dawson?"

"Bitch," teased Amber. "Come on, let's go out. I'm done thinking about our pathetic love lives."

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"Hey Logan," Pacey said across Joey as he settled into his seat next to her.

"Hello class," professor Oates announced as he walked to the front of the class. "Today's guest speaker has a bit of a mouth on him. I have to apologize for what he is going to walk in here today and say. I'd like to remind you that this is a history class and the language you're about to hear, including certain racial slurs are what was acceptable at the the time. And with that, I will go find him."

"This class is going to be awesome!" Pacey grinned, hitting her with his elbow. Joey looked to him, realizing this was the first time he'd touched her all week.

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"Lunch?" Logan asked as they picked up their books.

"Sure… um… Logan can I talk to Joey for a minute? We will catch up with you in the lunch room?"

Logan smiled a knowing smile, "yup see you guys there."

Joey turned to Pacey as Logan walked away. "What's up Pacey?"

"So… my dad and Julie are having some sort of vow renewal slash life is good party next weekend. They are inviting everyone they know, Dawson's family will probably be there, Dawson and Amber will probably go, I know your dad is invited."

Joey looked at him confused. "Okay?"

He laughed. "I guess I forgot the point of my story. So I'm supposed to go down the day before for a family dinner first. It's probably going to be awful, but did you…. Do you maybe want to come with me… as my date?"

The more Pacey stumbled over his words the more Joey realized that he was actually nervous. She put her hand on his shoulder. "Of course I'll go with you."

He smiled gratefully. "It's on Cape… like P-town cape, we're all staying at Julie's aunt's condo complex. I have no idea what sleeping arrangements will be like - hopefully we won't get stuck with Becca and Gabs, but that is a very real possibility. Are you sure you want to come?"

Joey laughed. "I'm confused Pace… do you want me to come or not? Because I get the feeling you're trying to talk me out of it."

Pacey smiled a slight smile. "I just… you know how it goes sometimes with my family. I want you prepared for how badly things could go."

"I love your sisters Pacey, and if we have to share a room with them that's fine. Stop worrying so much. Okay?"

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"So he said the word date?" Amber asked tossing a pair of thong underwear at Joey.

"His entire family is going to be there... I'm pretty sure thong underwear is the last thing I'll need," she grinned as she tossed the underwear back at Amber.

"Okay, we will find you a sexy, family appropriate dress. But you are wearing this underneath… just in case."

"Slut," Joey teased, as she took the underwear from Amber and tossed it over her arm. "Now please focus and help me find a dress!"


	35. Chapter 35

Keep the feedback coming - it's why I'm posting! Also I posted a new one - drop me a note there if you read it.

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"Hey Jo," Pacey said as she opened her door. "It's not too late to back out you know."

She sighed. "You know what Pacey - I'm over it. Forget it, I'm not coming."

She abruptly turned back towards her room and sat on her seat next to her packed suitcase.

Pacey followed her, speechless. "Wait… are you really not coming?"

She turned to him frustrated. "Do you want me to come Pacey? Do you? Because all you've done all week is talk me out of it. Well congratulations, you've done it. I'm going to take my new dress, and my new lacy thong underwear and go out with Amber instead."

He froze. "You got thong underwear?" he asked, a hint of desire filling his eyes.

"Is that all you heard?" she asked, incredulous.

"No, listen. I'm sorry Jo. I want you to come. I need you to come. Knowing you'll be there has been the only reason at all I've been looking forward to this. I'm not trying to talk you out of it, I'm just .. I mean things have been better with my dad and Julie. But I'll always feel like the black sheep of the family. I dread these things. And I don't want to scare you away."

She stood up. "A little honesty goes a long way Pace, let's get going."

He picked up her suitcase and started walking towards her door. He turned to look at her over his shoulder as he opened the door. 'So tell me again about your new undies?"

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"Oh my God, is this drive ever going to end?" Joey moaned as she looked out the window.

"Two more hours Jo. We probably should have just taken the shuttle boat."

They both fell silent, knowing how much more money the shuttle boat would have been. "No this is fine. I think I'm just getting hungry."

Pacey reached into his back seat and grabbed a cooler bag. "Snacks m'lady?"

She peered in the bag, surprised to find he'd made sandwiches and packed hummus, carrots and celery.

"I tried to pack you things I know are on your eating plan. I know it might be hard to follow all weekend."

"Thanks Pace," she said softly. "This was really nice of you."

"Occasionally I'm a nice guy, don't tell anyone," he grinned.

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"Jo, Jo, we're here," he said softly, gently touching her shoulder.

"Oh… I guess I fell asleep. Sorry about that," she said softly. She grabbed the bag at her feet and opened the door.

"Pacey! Joey!" Julie exclaimed running over and giving each of them enormous hugs. "Joey, can I talk to you for a minute? Pacey, maybe you can bring your bags into the foyer?"

Joey waited nervously while Pacey grabbed their bags and started inside. "Sorry for the drama," Julie laughed. "I just… Pacey usually gets stuck in the bedrooms with the kids, and I thought the two of you might enjoy the balcony room, but it only has one bed. I just wanted to make sure that was okay with you, before I put you in that situation."

Joey smiled with relief that Julie didn't have something more dramatic to say. "That's very nice of you, he and I will be okay sharing a bed. And I think it would mean a lot to him to get to sleep there."

Julie smiled at her. "I just want you to know, this is no way because I'm trying to encourage you two dating. Nope… not at all… nope," Julie teased.

"So, what's the plan?" Pacey interrupted.

Julie looked over to Pacey. "So we are meeting for dinner at six tonight. Which gives you guys about an hour to get ready and get over to the restaurant. So um… bring your stuff up to the balcony suite and get yourself settled."

"The what?" Pacey asked, a large grin crossing his face.

"You heard me. See you guys in an hour."

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"Wow, this is amazing" Joey said in awe as they walked into the enormous room. The king size bed was by a large sliding glass door which led out to a balcony overlooking the ocean.

"I've actually never been up here. All the years we've been coming here, I've always been downstairs with the kids," Pacey said, his voice catching slightly.

"So… now that we are up here, what did you want to do?" Joey asked, trying to keep any eagerness out of her voice.

"Well we don't have that long to get ready, so why don't we do that? You can get dressed in the bathroom and I'll get dressed out here?" he suggested.

She nodded her head, feeling disappointed. "Oh okay, sounds good."

She grabbed her bag and entered the large bathroom. The bathroom had a shower and a separate soaking tub, and for a brief moment Joey imagined her and Pacey taking a bath together. She shook her head to clear it, obviously that was not what he had on the agenda.

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"You decent?" Joey asked opening the door a crack.

"Have you ever known me to be decent?" Pacey teased. "You can come out."

Joey walked out of the bathroom, smiling shyly at him. She had chosen a modest sundress for the rehersal dinner, but still felt shy about being dressed up with him.

"Wow, you look great," Pacey said grinning at her.

"So do you," she said, her eyes surveying his khaki pants and button down shirt. "So did you want to head down or…."

Pacey glanced at his watch. "We don't have to be downstairs for thirty minutes. Want to watch some tv?"

She shrugged, "yeah okay."

Pacey laid down on the bed and patted the spot next to him. Joey climbed up on the bed as he grabbed the remote. "This is seriously the biggest bed I've ever seen," she exclaimed. She started jumping on the bed on her knees. "And bounciest."

Pacey laughed and rolled over to his knees and started bouncing. "Okay, we are never leaving here. I'm keeping you here forever!"

Joey laughed as she pounced on him, straddling him as he fell to the bed. "Maybe I'll keep you here forever?"

"Maybe I like the sound of that?" he said swallowing thickly. She could feel him hard against her, and her mouth dropped slightly in surprise.

"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. "All I can think about is what kind of underwear you have on underneath that dress."

"Why don't you tell me?" she challenged, her eyes playful.

He looked to her in surprise. "Is this some sort of trick that ends in me getting slapped?"

She shrugged her shoulders, silently begging him to touch her. He stared at her in disbelieve. "Are… are you sure?"

Joey sighed and slid off of him. "Forget it."

"I can't," he said sliding next to her and placing his hand on her lower thigh. She turned to face him as he slowly ran his hand up her thigh. "Oh God," he moaned as his hand landed on her naked butt. He hungrily leaned forward and kissed her, as she eagerly returned his kiss. His fingers traced the line of her thong as he slowly moved his fingers along the outside of small scrap of fabric covering her. Her breath was short as she moaned into his mouth. Fueled by the positive encouragement he slowly slipped his finger under her underwear. She moaned again and he pulled away to look at her. "Too fast?"

"Don't stop," she panted as she brought her lips back to his. He smiled against her lips as he allowed his finger to explore her. Her breathing grew more shallow and suddenly she cried out loudly.

"Holy shit," she muttered as he slowly moved his hand back to her leg. "I may have lied to you when I told you I'd had an orgasm before. Jesus."

He smiled feeling rather proud of himself as she laid back in shock. She turned to look at him, suddenly feeling shy. "So um…."

"Pacey! Joey! We're leaving," they heard Becca's voice call up to them.

"Shit… they didn't hear us did they?" Joey asked, her face turning red.

"I don't think so. You read to go?" he asked offering her his hand.

"I'm only ready if they didn't hear me," Joey said standing up and straightening her dress. "Let me just run to the bathroom."

She ducked in the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She took a deep breath as she replayed what had just happened. She let the air slowly out of her mouth through pursed lips as she looked in the mirror. She quickly ran her brush through her hair and reapplied her lip gloss.

"Ready," she said emerging from the bathroom.

They slowly made their way down the stairs to his car. She glanced over at Pacey as they slid into their seats. "How far is the restaurant?" Joey asked looking at the clock.

"Like five minutes, we're fine." he said, looking at the road as he pulled out of the parking lot.

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Pacey glanced over at Joey as the two of them entered the restaurant. He suddenly realized that his family was going to have lots of questions about Joey as his date, and he wasn't sure he had the answers yet. He felt like the right thing to do was to hold her hand, but instead he felt himself taking a step away from her as they entered in through the door.


	36. Chapter 36

Short update for Hope. Also thanks to luja14 for being my beta / check in person! Please keep posting reviews if you're reading!

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"It's about time!" Becca said. "Joey come sit next to me!"

Joey scanned the restaurant, John and Julie were sitting at a table with Julie's aunt. Joey and Pacey were obviously at the kids table. Joey made eye contact with John and he winked at her with a grin. Joey smiled slightly as she made her way over to Becca. Pacey's dad had always scared her growing up, he never smiled and seemed to be forever yelling at Pacey about something. She knew by the time they turned twelve he was drunk almost all the time and had definitely hit Pacey once or twice. This man winking at her was hard to recognize, but she felt like it had to be an amazing thing for Pacey.

Joey sat next to Becca, leaving Pacey on the other side of the table with Gabby.

"You look so nice Becca," Joey said, reaching out and touching Becca's pink flutter sleeve.

"It's about time someone noticed," Becca laughed blowing her bangs out of her face. "So…. do you guys have something you need to tell me?"

Joey turned her attention to her salad that was just placed in front of her, and Pacey did the same.

"Hello? Are you guys ignoring me? Are you dating now or what?" Becca continued, leaning her body into Joey.

"Are you going to get married?" Gabby asked, suddenly looking up from her coloring.

"Becca," Pacey said tightly. "Just eat your dinner."

Becca let out an annoyed sigh. "Listen Pacey, I don't get to have a love life for a couple more years, the least you can do is fill me in on yours."

"Becca, seriously, mind your fucking business," Pacey snapped, his face bright red. Becca's mouth fell open slightly, and she blinked back tears.

"Sorry for caring," she sniffled, standing up from the table and running outside.

Joey tossed Pacey an annoyed look. "Really?" she asked before chasing after Becca.

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Joey shivered as she walked over and sat next to Becca on the edge of the restaurant deck. "Sorry kiddo."

"You're not the asshole, he is," Becca sighed.

"Becca" Joey said reaching out her hand and putting it on Becca's. "If your mom fucked you up half as much as she fucked him up, I hope you get yourself in some therapy."

Becca let out a snort. "I've been in therapy for years. Julie was all over that. Pacey refused."

"That's cuz Pacey didn't want to face his issues," Pacey said emerging from around the corner. "I'm sorry I yelled at you kiddo."

Becca wiped a tear and stood up to face him. "You should be."

"So Joey and I haven't actually haven't had a conversation about if we're dating or not. I'm sorry I yelled at you, I just didn't exactly have an answer," Pacey exclaimed.

"Wait, what?" Joey asked in surprise. She turned to Becca with a gentle smile on her face. "Hey Becca, maybe you can head in and give us a couple minutes. And then we will come back in with an answer for you?"

Becca nodded, standing up and wiping the tears from her face. "Okay. Don't be too long, otherwise you risk the wrath of Julie."

Joey turned to face Pacey, her face sad. "Pacey, I"m sorry…"

Pacey sat down next to her, his leg gently touching hers. "Why are you sorry? I'm pretty sure I was just the jerk."

"I'm sorry that all this time, and I never knew… I was always so envious of how everything just rolled off your back. All those comments your mom used to make, you would always just laugh it off. And I laughed with you, never realizing how awful things actually were for you. I feel like I wasn't a good friend. All the times I accused you of being an arrogant jackass?"

Pacey let out a little laugh. "Pretty sure I deserved every time you ever called me a jackass. And I guess I thought the comments were rolling off my back too. I don't think I realized how fucked up I was until I tried to make this work with you. I thought I was the same guy you did."

Joey reached her hand out and put it on his leg. "So what do I need to do to get that guy back… maybe minus a little bit of the arrogant jackass?"

"You're doing it. You aren't running. Even when I deserve it."

She looked at him for a moment, staring into his unusually somber eyes. "So… what are we doing here? Are we friends? Are we in a committed relationship? Because for me, there really isn't an in between. We have far too much history for this to be casual for me."

"This is anything but casual for me Jo," Pacey said, his voice strained. "I just… I didn't know how you left things with Mark? There was never a break up story. And I didn't know if you felt anything for Logan, but he always seems to be around. I didn't want to assume…"

Joey took a deep breath and looked at him, staring at him for a moment before she spoke. "What just happened between us before we came here may be common for you, but it's not for me. If I wasn't one hundred percent committed to… an us, it wouldn't have happen. It actually is pretty hard for me… to let my myself go like that. I've been kinda cringing internally ever since I had a rather loud reaction to what happened."

He felt himself grinning. "I"m glad you let yourself go with me Jo," he said softly. "I know that wasn't common for you. I just … I guess we should have had a conversation before we came here."

"And what conversation would that be?" she asked, a hint of playfulness to her voice.

"The one where I tell you that I want to be with you and only you and I want you to be my girlfriend." he said reaching out and taking her hand.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good conversation, we should have it sometime," she teased, holding his hand tightly. "You ready to get back in there?"

He stood up and pulled her to her feet. "I'm ready."

And hand in hand, they walked back into the restaurant.


	37. Chapter 37

If you're reading this - please take the time to leave some feedback!

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"So… you're my girlfriend," Pacey said quietly as she closed the door behind them. She grinned up at him.

"I'm your girlfriend," she murmured as she brought her lips to his.

She took a step back and took a deep breath. "You okay?" he asked.

She bent over slightly, grabbing the hem of her dress and pulling it over her head, feeling confident in the darkened room..

"Oh," Pacey said softly, taking in the sight before him. She was beautiful, standing there in her tiny thong underwear and strapless bra. "Jo… I have no expectations of this happening tonight."

"After your earlier performance, it's all I can think about," she said, biting her lip as she looked at him.

"I feel like we should wait," he said as he took a step forward and put his hand on her waist.

"Don't you kind of feel like we've been waiting forever?" she asked, looking up at him enticingly.

"I didn't actually bring anything with me Jo. I meant what I said about having no expectations."

Joey let out a little laugh, abruptly walking over to her bag, a little swagger to her walk as she moved. She opened her bag and pulled out a condom box. "Amber," she said with an eye roll. She pulled out a second box, "Jessie." She removed a third box, "Kate. I'd say the girls have us… or well you… covered."

Pacey cleared his throat as he walked over to her. "Jo… I want to do this more than anything. But I also want to do this right. And as much as I hate myself, I feel like we need to talk. Please don't hate me."

Joey stared at him for a minute, before her lips turned into a slight smile. "Flannel pjs it is."

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She climbed into bed, turning to face him. "So… what's on the agenda?"

"I know these Pjs," he said reaching out and touching her plaid flannel covered arm. "So… I just… before I rock your world… or don't as the case may be, I felt like we really need to have one of your honestly chats. And I know our last one went terrible, but I'm ready now. And I hope you're ready now. And I feel like if we have sex, before we really establish our past, it's going to bleed into our future."

She nodded carefully. "Why are you the smart one right now?"

"Because I know how much it will mean to you. And I also know how much it probably won't live up to your expectations. And I need you not to doubt it, and me."

She swallowed as she looked to him; realizing that he was perhaps more worried than she was. "I won't doubt you. I've been properly prepared about what to expect. And just so you know, everything tonight is about you and me, and about how I feel about you. I know I've been all talk about wanting to lose my virginity, but it's really just been all talk."

"So, tell me what happened with Mark?" Pacey asked, his breath catching a little as he spoke.

"Nothing happened with him. We kissed a couple times before I went to see you when your dad was in the hospital. I was honest with him about how I felt about you, and we agreed to be friends. Although, the friendship really wasn't there either." She shrugged her shoulders. "It just felt like he was trying to hard. And I knew it wasn't really where I wanted to be. There was no break up story, because we never were together enough to break up."

He smiled as he rubbed her arm. "Okay and Logan?"

"Logan has the hots for our girl Amber. There's nothing there. There's never been anything there. He's just a friend. Believe me, I've talked his ear off about you. If he was interested, I definitely scared him away. Your turn. What happened when you broke up with Nicole?"

"She told me that it was apparent the entire time I'd dated her I'd been in love with you. I apologized for being a dick. She seemed okay, but I still regret how horrible I was with her. And that I used her to run from you."

Joey nodded, and took a deep breath. "Okay. Here's the big one. How many people have you slept with?"

"You sure you want to know the answer to this one?" he asked, his face suddenly worried.

"I think it's probably a conversation we should have before sex, don't you?" she asked softly, her heart racing. The number she was predicting growing larger and larger in her head.

He awkwardly shifted on the bed, removing his hand from her arm. "Honestly, this is why I wanted to have this chat. Eight; if I include our almost sex. I've been tested. I know… I wish sometimes that I'd waited for you. That sex wasn't a coping mechanism for me. I hope… I hope this isn't a deal breaker."

She put her hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently. "Well eight is less than half the Umass campus, so I guess it's not quite as bad as I imagined."

"You were right, you know," he said softly.

"Well of course I was… about what?" she asked, a touch of laughter to her voice.

"About pushing you away. Starting with the time I intentionally let you catch me and Jen making out after I'd kissed you in the closet. Everything you said. You were right. Only I really had no idea I was actually doing it. I can't explain it really, but I need you to know that you were right. And that I'm sorry for it."

Joey nodded her head. "Not sure we were ready for an us then anyway. I kinda feel like we both had to take our own messed up journeys to end up back here. Hopefully ready."

"So we are okay?" he asked softly, closing his eyes as she continued rubbing his arm.

"Yup," she said as she settled her body closely against his, gently tipping her head up to kiss him.

"Is there anything else you need to know?" he asked.

"Nope. You?"

He shook his head no. He gently bent his head down and kissed her softly. She returned his soft kiss. And then gave him a slightly longer kiss. She moved in closer to him, and slowly kissed him, waiting for his lips to part and for him to return the kiss. He slipped his hand under her pajama top, his hand skimming her side.

"So I have to tell you, I've had several fantasies about these pajamas," Pacey said softly, his voice husky.

"You've had fantasies about my flannel pjs?" She asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"You were wearing these one night, and I brought you a shake. Your lips were wrapped around the straw and as you were sucking, I noticed this button was slipping out of its hole, like this," he said, pausing to slide her button out of the hole. "And then the damndest thing happen, it popped right open."

"Well obviously, I always wear pajamas with buttons that mysteriously unbutton," she grinned.

"And then," Pacey continued, "all of the other buttons, one by one, popped open too." He slowly undid each button until he had her entire top open. He slid open her top and his hand gently cupped her breast, his thumb gently skimming her nipple. "And the strangest thing was you just kept on sucking on that straw, completely oblivious."

"My god you're a pervert," she teased, a name she had often called him all through high school. She reached her hand out, placing it between his legs, grinning as she could feel his arousal.

He groaned as she slipped her hand under his pajama pants and wrapped her hand around him. "I can't believe I ever called you an ice queen!"

"I'm not an ice queen anymore," she whispered, meeting his eyes with determination. "I love you. I'm ready."

He nodded his head and pulled her hand out of his pants and slid off of the bed, "it was so nice of your friends to send a million condoms with you." He grabbed one of the boxes and tore it open, wiggling an eyebrow at Joey as he did so. He removed a foil packet from the box and carried it over to the bed. He slipped off his pajama pants and boxers while Joey watched with amusement.

"Um hello!" Joey exclaimed, as she scanned the length of his body.

"You like?" He teased,folding his arms and putting his hands behind his head and posing. Joey giggled as he continued his show with additional poses.

"Will you quit vogueing and get over here!" She exclaimed, tossing a pillow at him. She sat up and removed her top completely, biting her lip as she looked at him.

"You're beautiful," he breathed, his voice suddenly serious as he climbed back into bed with her. He reached for her pajama pants and she instinctively lifted her hips to allow him to remove her pants. "No undies? Remind me again why I called you an ice queen?" He brought his lips to hers as he gently explored her. He slipped his finger between her legs, gently touching her until she felt sufficiently wet before he rolled over and grabbed the condom. He slid it on slowly, his heart beating frantically. He was more nervous for this than his first time. Because he knew this was the first time it actually meant something. He suddenly heard his mother's voice in the back of his head, telling him he wasn't good enough, that no one would ever care.

Joey reached out and touched his side. "Pace, I love you. It's always been you. There's nothing to doubt here, okay?"

"I just don't want to hurt you," he said softly, unsure if he meant physical pain or mental.

"Pacey, at some point in my life I'm having sex. Wouldn't you rather it would be with you?"

He nodded his head and brought his lips back to her,slowly positioning himself between her legs. As he kissed her, he felt her raising her hips up to meet his. Carefully watching her facial expression, he allowed himself to gently enter her.

Her face contorted into a slight grimace she struggled to hide. "Do you want me to stop?"

She shook her head no. "Just keep going."

He continued moving as gently as she could, feeling a sense of relief as he watched her face relax. He felt her entire body relax and her hips starting to match his rhythm. He increased his pace, still closely watching her facial expression. He wanted to make it amazing for her, but his gut was telling him to finish as quickly as possible. He pumped quickly into her as he shuddered. He slid off of her, his expression inscrutable.

"I was worried I was hurting you," he said quietly.

She smiled. "You made the right call."

"I just… I wanted this to be amazing" he fumbled.

"What's amazing is that you just got laid and you're more worried about me. This was a million times better than what Amber prepared me for, okay?"

"But you didn't…"

"Pretty sure you took care of me earlier. If you're feeling worried, you can feel free to do that again when we wake up," she teased as she snuggled against him.

"Pervert," he muttered.


	38. Chapter 38

So I've been dealing with major writers block. You know what helps writers block? Reviews!

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"Hey beautiful," Pacey smiled shyly over at Joey.

"Hey," she said softly, slowly registering the fact that she was naked in bed with Pacey.

"So," he began with a wide smile on his face. "I'm pretty sure you owe me a million dollars. And your dead body. And whatever else you said would happen before you and I slept together."

Joey let out a laugh as she turned to face him. "Ahhh so this was all about a bet to you huh?"

"Yup," he teased. "I was pretty convinced you must have a million dollars. So it's all been a big mission to bed you."

"Well I hope it was worth all that work," she laughed.

His face turned serious for a minute. "It was."

"I feel like… I feel like it wasn't good for you," she ventured, her voice faltering as she spoke.

He leaned over to her, kissing her on top of her forehead. "I'll admit I spent most of last night worrying about if I was hurting you. Don't you worry, we have plenty of time to practice."

She nodded her head. "Can I go take a shower?"

"Yup, I thought we'd go into P-town and walk around? Maybe go to the Provincetown monument? You know my great grandfather's portrait is at the museum there?"

Joey turned to him, a puzzled look on her face. "Are you serious? How did I not know this?"

"I'm really a man of mystery," he teased as she slid slowly out of bed.

She smiled at him shyly as she pulled her pajama top around her. Her smile suddenly turned to a look of horror as she looked at the bed.

"What's… oh," Pacey muttered as he followed Joey's gaze to where she had bled on the crisp white bed sheets.

"Shit… well this is embarrassing,' Joey said biting her lip and pulling her pajamas event tighter across her body.

"Jo, you go take your shower. I'll take care of this. I'm sure it happens all the time," he offered hesitantly.

She smiled slightly. "All the time may not be the most accurate statement ever. I'm assuming by take care of it you're going to call Julie and not your aunt?"

He let out an awkward laugh. "You would be correct. Go shower. Take your time."

She nodded and disappeared behind the bathroom door.

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"It was consensual and we used protection," Pacey said quickly as he opened the door to Julie. He kept his gaze focused on the floor as she walked into the bedroom with a new set of sheets.

"Hey Pacey, I know you're a good guy, okay? Maybe not always to me… but always to her."

She took the new sheet over to the mattress Pacey had already stripped. He walked over to the bed and grabbed a corner.

"I wish I could have been a better step mom to you, I feel like I failed you somehow," Julie said softly.

"Julie, I'm pretty sure any failure on your part was entirely due to me and my behavior." he said as he tucked the sheet under the mattress.

"I know how it must have felt for you. I was so much younger, I was pregnant. Your father was a horrible person at the time. Believe me, if I hadn't gotten pregnant we never would have ended up together. But then I saw your father change. And I don't know if it was hard for you seeing that he changed for Gabby when he hadn't changed for you and Becca…"

"Some part of me was always grateful that you and Gabby led him to being a better person," Pacey interrupted, "but it definitely contributed in a lot of ways to me feeling… like I wasn't good enough."

Julie dropped the pillow case she was putting on the pillow and walked over to Pacey. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "You have always been good enough. Your parents fucked up, not you. I'm glad you and your dad are finding a way to form a new relationship. I've been pretty proud of you, you know?"

"Thanks Julie."

"Now, if you aren't able to finish this bed on your own then we have completely failed you as parents." she said handing him the top sheet.

Pacey let out a little laugh. "I've got it, thanks. And thanks for listening."

"Anytime Pacey," Julie said grinning as she tucked a blonde lock behind her ear. "You and Joey are good together, don't let your confidence fuck that up, okay?"

He smiled gratefully at her. "Working on it."

She nodded her head and closed the door.

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"What did she say?" Jo asked as she entered the room.

"She said you and I are good together. Believe me, there is nothing here to be embarrassed about. I mean, if this was a different time I'd be hanging out those bedsheets so the townspeople would know I'd bedded you." Pacey teased as Joey sat on the chair and slid her shoes on.

Joey looked up and rolled her eyes at him. "Seriously? I'm starting to think I should go find one of those townspeople to be my boyfriend."

She stood up and started walking towards the door, a smile on her face. Pacey jogged over to her and grabbed her hand. "Too bad Potter, you're stuck with me now."

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"Oh my God are we ever going to get to the top?" Joey moaned as they slowly climbed the steps of the Pilgrim monument.

"I think it's only like two more flights," Pacey said, glancing up towards the top. "I'll race you?"

He started up the stairs quickly, reaching the top of the monument triumphantly. He turned to realize Joey hadn't engaged in the race and was peacefully mounting the last set of stairs.

"Since when do you skip a chance to beat me?" he teased as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Since I'm trying not to get all sweaty," she laughed as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Well… I win!" he yelled, pumping his fist in exaggerated victory.

"Yes you should feel pretty proud of yourself," she teased, hitting him with her elbow. They walked over to one of the windows and admired the view.

"This is beautiful!" Joey sighed as she scanned the view of Provincetown.

"So are you," Pacey offered as he watched her absorbing their surroundings.

Joey scrunched her shoulders up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Pacey, just because we are together now, it doesn't mean you have to start delivering lines."

"Sorry babe, I've been waiting my whole life to be able to say these things to you. I don't think there's anyway you can stop me. I mean unless you keep my mouth occupied.," he teased, raising one eyebrow suggestively at her.

"Pacey, seriously, does this stuff actually work?" Joey laughed, her hands on her hips.

"You tell me," he grinned as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. She wanted to tell him he was ridiculous, but she couldn't seem to stop kissing him long enough to do so.

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"So you want to check out the museum?" Pacey asked, glancing at his watch. "We still have plenty of time before we have to get ready for the wedding."

"Yes, definitely, I need to see this picture of your great grandfather!"

Pacey nodded and took her hand, leading her into the museum and up to the second floor. Joey looked up to see a portrait of a very stern looking fisherman. "This is your great grandfather?"

Pacey nodded as he stared at the portrait, the man's stern eyes, wild hair, discontent expression. He sat on the bench in front of the painting and patted the seat next to him. "I hate this painting. I used to study it for hours, trying to see if I could see myself in him. He was a horrible man, who beat my grandmother. She in turn ran away and married my grandfather who beat her, and then had my dad…" his voice trailed off as he was unsure what to say.

"I know he used to hit you," Joey ventured softly. "You would always try to hide it, but you'd have these mysterious bruises with utterly ridiculous stories. Eventually I figured it out."

Pacey turned to Joey, his eyes intense. "My greatest fear is continuing this legacy. That somehow all these horrible men are inside of me, and that I will treat my children that way."

"Pacey, when we have kids… I mean when you have kids and I have kids, not that we will have kids together… or maybe we will…"

Pacey's mouth twitched into an amused smile. "Geez Jo, we've only been officially together for a day and you're already pressuring me for kids," he teased.

"I'm trying to be serious here Pacey. You are nothing like your dad. And oddly, it somehow seems like your dad has changed. But either way, you are nothing like him. You are compassionate and caring and…"

"And I bit poor Becca's head off last night. What if it's in me Jo?"

She reached out and took his hand. "I promise you Pacey, it's not."

He looked down at the hand that was holding his. "Thanks Jo. Do you want to walk around for a bit before we head back?"

She nodded her head and stood up.

"Or," he added, a smile on his face, "we could head back to our room and get started on those kids!"

"Pervert," Joey exclaimed as she playfully shoved him. "Now show me some art!"


End file.
